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My thoughts released; a mind set free |
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These pages contain my thoughts, from meandering ideas and persuasions to deep cerebrations and serious mentations. Why, for what purpose? To release my mind and set creativity free. Somewhere inside the constraints of my mind dwells a writer, a poet, an artist who paints with words. In here I release those constraints and set the artist free. Perhaps, lost somewhere in the depths of thought, is a story or a poem, waiting to be written. 
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| Do you know how difficult it can be to write in a blog everyday? Currently I only write when the notion hits, but in the past I've attempted to write in here daily. I've also had other blogs over the years, with the same results; I can't even make tow months of writing daily, and more often, it's not even a full month. The bottom line is, daily blogging is hard to do. First of all, you need something to blog about. That means a person needs a lot happening in there life to put into print. For example, I could relate this to some of the summers we've had filled with camping trips, road trips, kayaking, fishing, swimming and of course, work experiences and things going on in the home, like adding a patio or enjoying a summer night fire on the patio. With so many things going on, it would have been easy to pick out something to write about each and every day. In fact, I could have written multiple entries most days. But, there just wasn't any time to write, I was too busy doing. Then, there were other periods of time when work filled just about everything, and there wasn't time to spend doing much else. Again, I could write about the heavy burden that kind of work has on a person, but there wasn't time. In between these periods, more normal times of having more time and less to do. Now there's time to write, but what about? There's not much more boring than to read about someone who doesn't have anything to write about. Not to mention, what to write if there's nothing to write about? It reminds me of Cheech and Chong's old stand-up comedy routine of the kid who had to write a paper on his summer vacation. It went something like this: The first day of my summer vacation I got up and went uptown to hangout, then I went home. The second day of my summer vacation, I went uptown and I hung out, then I went home. The third day of my.... Well, I think you get the point, it's like trying to carry on a conversation with Dave, but Dave's not home! Yep, daily blogging is tough. But, at the same time, it's possible, many people have proven that. I have done a couple of months straight, maybe more. That was at a site called 750 Words. It was quite simple, you open the account and go in and write. The site gives credit for each day, but there's a catch, you have to write - you guessed it - 750 words. The idea is simple, it would be easy to just go in and type some gibberish to make the daily count, but to get to 750 words, you have to put some thought into it, even if it's free-writing. I think the site is still around and maybe I'll check into it one of these days. It would be easy enough to write my daily 750 words and then copy and paste it here. But first, I need to take care of a few other things that I should maybe blog about tomorrow, or maybe the next day. We'll see how it goes... |
| Now that we are a couple weeks into the new year, I do have some observations and thoughts. Not that these are strictly a result of the new year, it's just because I'm writing these now. For instance, I've gained weight. Some may have arrived this year, but I have been watching what I eat more, so it's likely not much. Most of what I have recently put on for weight is from last year, starting the end of October. Again, that was the start to the increase, and I'm sure Thanksgiving and Christmas added to the gain. However, most of it's a result of not smoking. I ended my smoking streak in October, after a few years or was it longer, of smoking again. Yes, I quit many years ago and then started up, like a damn fool, because of work related stress. I re-quit towards the end of October, and I did try and eat better and I did try to refrain from gaining weight. I knew I would gain some, but I didn't want to gain a huge amount. Of course, Thanksgiving and Christmas are feast and goody times, so I tend to gain some over the holidays as well. Again, I was a bit cautious so I wouldn't put on a ton, and I did manage things pretty well. But, with quitting smoking over the holidays, I ended up with an extra twenty five pounds. What did I get for Christmas? Fat, I got fat! I have a picture of a fat cat with this written across it for my motivation to reduce my weight. Also, over the holidays and with the new year, I have high blood pressure. Not bad, but it's holding steady in stage 1 hypertension. Two strikes already for the new year, not a good start. But, again, it's not just something that came with the start of the new year, but a result of the added weight and some ongoing stress, added to some unhealthy eating habits like too much sodium. I'm sure not sleeping, something else that has started recently, isn't helping either. I know some of it's a result of the noise from the apartment above us, both the not sleeping all night and the stress. We've been dealing with this since last summer, and still have not gotten lasting results. So, now that I have them listed, I find I'm at a big three for bad or negatives for the new year. Since these things tend to happen in threes, or so they tell me, I guess I have mine out of the way and can anticipate a very good year. My anticipations are, reduce my weight as well as getting in better shape, lower my blood pressure naturally without needing to be on medications, and move out of the apartment and into a house. This will give us more room and comfort, provide us with more freedom in our living choices, such as fish tanks and small animals for the girls. No noisy, inconsiderate people above us, so less stress and better sleeping. |
| A new year is upon us. Why so many expect the new year to bring change is beyond me, but it's a nice thought. Sure, a new year brings new possibilities, but so does a new month, week, or even day, I say day; I like that one best simply because it matches with the Bible. We are given each day and told to live for that day, not in the past, not in the future, but with the day the Lord gave us. Don't get me wrong, I have no problems wit anyone doing new year resolutions or planning on making positive changes with the start of the new year. Not at all, I'm just saying we don't have to wait a whole damn year to make needed changes. Also, I feel, or maybe I should say think, new year resolutions tend to put too much pressure on a person if they fall short. With days, we mess up one day but can start afresh the next, but with a year... For example, I could have made a new year resolution to lose weight; I know I need to drop off quite a few pounds. But, my wife cooked a very nice dinner to bring in the new year complete with a batch of her scrumpdilyicious sugar cookies and I, being in a festive mood, engaged in feasting and enjoying. It didn't bother me, even though I know I'm going to be working at losing a lot of weight this year. It was one day to enjoy the great foods and then right back at it today. In the past, however, I would have made my resolution and bypassed much of the yummy foods and sweets, only to feel deprived and eventually fail. Failing the diet is bad enough, but I would also look at the failed resolution and get a double whammy. One day at a time, that's the key to succeeding at many things in life. Don't look back at past failures; hopefully you already learned from them. Don't look forward to some future day, there's no way of knowing what will be happening then, or if that day will even come. No, we have today to work with and if we make it, great; it's always easier to hold to change for just one day. But, if we don't, it's only a day set-back, so don't fret; when you wake up, you get another day. |
| This entry is written for, 48-HOUR CHALLENGE: Media Prompt on December 05, 2020 I listened to the video Happy, by Pharrell William and found the music very uplifting and enjoyable, in fact, the entire video is great. I also put some thought into the message and found it very fitting, especially for this time of year. Sure, we all have our reasons to be happy and we all have reasons to be unhappy. For some, it goes much beyond choice, but for the rest of us, it's a decision to be happy or sad. This song is about picking happy. I've seen a lot of items starting loss and hardships for the reasons for not enjoying the Christmas season. My wife and I both have a lot of reasons to be blue and sad over the holidays, if we wanted, but like the song, we choose to be happy. It's not just the holidays, however, it's every month, every week, every day, do you want to be sad and miserable or do you want to be happy? Yes, I know from my years of living, there are more than enough reasons to give in and be miserable and depressed. Sometimes, it's difficult to find a reason to be happy at all. There are times when I give in to the misery, pain, and injustice around me, things happen and there goes my happiness right out the window. But all I have to do is take a break and look at the reality around me, there are just as many, no, there are more reasons to stop and be happy. An example? Sure, why not. Yesterday was a very trying day, busy, heavy traffic, and to top it off, some obnoxious and rude people. I'm currently suffering from some back pain. I injured it years ago, and from time to time it decides to give me some trouble. Sometimes, like now, it's enough to make me not want to even move. But, that's not always an option, like yesterday. After I finally got home, the girls decided to make things more difficult and dished up a big portion of teenage attitude. I began that all to easy trip down the rabbit hole of anger and resentment, but I stopped from going that direction. Instead I did my best to set all the misery and discomfort, as well as my personal feelings towards this unwanted attitude, aside. Soon, dinner was ready and I started setting the table. They soon joined in and by the time the food was dished, we were all having a nice dinner. After dinner, my wife began setting up the Christmas tree, our old one was getting pretty bald so we purchased a new one two days ago to surprise the girls. The youngest one was right there to help set it up and soon it was time to put on the decorations. The older girl had tried to hold the bad attitude but soon was also involved in decorating and singing along with Alexa's pick of Christmas songs. Once done, the tree was plugged in and the lights began to dance. All that was left was the tree topper, the one part I do every year. In pain and with some difficulty, I climbed up on the stool and tried to slip the 17 year old glass ornament over the top of the tree, but it didn't fit! We put a different topper on, but I could see the disappointed look, so I put aside my discomfort and got out some tools. With a bit of snipping and clipping, I was soon able to slide the topper down and stood beside the rest of the family and looked at the tree. There was no longer any attitude, just two girls looking with that magical look at a Christmas tree, smiles on their faces, and the lights reflecting in their eyes. Life is full of these precious times and we can focus on them or we can focus on the pain, the suffering, the misery and the loss in life. You make your choice, but for me, I'll remember these special times and pick to be happy. |
| For quite some time, we've spent most holidays at home, just my wife and the dogs and me. Of course, it wasn't always by choice, but because everyone wants the holidays off. There have been a few in the recent past that we had a chance to travel, but it was still rushed and uncertain if I would need to head home and work or actually get the time off. In fact, it was just a few years back that almost happened. It was the first time in many years that we managed to set up time off for Christmas and travel to spend the holiday with family. Only a few days, with a lot of driving to see everyone, but we had planned it out and were looking forward when I got a call of someone sick and it was looking like a day and half into our "vacation" I would have to head for home and get to work as soon as possible. But, we got a surprise when we found another person who would pick up the shifts and make it possible for us to finish out time off and see everyone, as planned. This year, it's not as difficult. I work from home so I'm flexible. My wife, however, needs to go by her work schedule, but if she's scheduled off she doesn't have to pick up if someone calls in. It's nice to know we can take off and go see family for holidays and not have to cut the visit short. Of course, she had to work tonight, so no traveling until tomorrow, but we don't have too far to go. I wish all of you a wonderful Thanksgiving... |
| Jumpin June-bugs, fifteen days already? I'd like to say it's because there hasn't been anything going on, but in truth, it's just the opposite, so much happening and very little time. What's the last fifteen days looked like? We attended The Circus of the Heart at the Minnesota Zoo. It was a good time, but kind of a long drive and by the time we returned, the pickup was running terrible. It started missing and back firing when we got home. I'm thinking it's a bad plug, but it also needs tires, exhaust work, and possibly the brakes. We have needed a second vehicle, so we set about talking to the credit union and looking at used vehicles. We purchased a good deal and are happy with our new car. We still have the truck and I'm hoping to get a chance o see what's wrong and what it will take to fix it; we are hoping to repair and keep it, but who knows until I find the time to check it over. We had another court hearing a few weeks back, just the same old stuff, but we are getting closer to the adoption date. Of course, the court hearings create enough problems since they are quite a distance away and one needs arrangements made for school and stuff. Then, after court, we stopped and ate. The food was good, the place was clean, but I ended up sick by the following day. I had to see the dentist to get a filling repaired and was feeling fine when we left. The girls had therapy so we dropped them off, then me to my appointment. About half way through the filing I started to feel horrible. By the time I was done, the rest of the family was there to pick me up. We took the girls to school and headed home. I spent the next few days pretty much in bed or on the couch feeling like the end had come Just when I was about to give in and go see a doctor, I started feeling better. Of course, just as I started to feel better we had a situation come up with our oldest that took a few days to work out; well at least the worst of it, I'm sure there will be more in the days to come. I also started getting sick again and spent another day back in bed, but it passed quickly and by the following day I was feeling better. Then, just when it seemed like things would settle down, Mom got sick and we found out she had a heart attack. A few days in the hospital for her and she will be back home soon. There was some blockage, but they got things fixed. We will all be off to see her soon. Also, things planned for the middle of next week got changed to the beginning of the week, so we need to get things ready this weekend. As it sits right now, today was spent getting caught up a bit in here and with some much needed sleep. Tomorrow, so far, sounds pretty quiet and then Friday starts the next round of running. |
| It's that time of the year again, the time when we turn the clocks back and end daylight saving time. I never understood the logic behind this, although in times past, before electricity, it at least made a bit of a difference. However, it may also be why Mrs. O'Leary's cow kicked the lantern over. The best logic I've seen behind the idea of setting the clocks an hour early is the one that states, “Only a white man would believe you could cut a foot off the top of a blanket, sew it to the bottom, and have a longer blanket.” -Unknown It's just as silly as the name, Daylight Saving Time, like we actually are dumb enough to believe we are saving an hour somehow? I think not, or at least, I hope not. I've also read where this helps to conserve energy, but I don't see how, there's still only a set number of daylight hours, and no matter where you set the clock, when it's dark, you need light. In fact, I remember when I had to be to work by 7:00 am, and as it got later in the year, it was getting lighter until we set the clocks ahead so we had to get up an hour earlier when it was still dark. I also don't like the jet-lag that it creates. I'm sure it's not as bad for everyone, but for some of us, our body clocks are finely honed and changing the time we go to bed and get up just doesn't work. Our body clocks do not accept Daylight Savings Time. It's the same for animals, too. I worked a few years at a dairy plant and we got a lot of milk in every morning. The time change in the spring was terrible for everyone involved in the milking process, since it is unproductive to change the time you milk the cows. Again, it really doesn't accomplish Jack. On the flip side, however, I enjoy when we get to set the clocks back to real time instead of Pretend You Get An Hour Time. It's my body clock again, still out of whack with the time change, but now, it slips right back into the groove when the clocks get set back. This is because my body hasn't adapted to the change, but it's been forced to work with it, resulting in things being just a little bit off for the summer months. This year was the best example of this being off. I knew about the time change date and had even mentioned it to my daughters, asking them to help me remember to set the clocks back before going to bed. They forgot to remind me and I forgot to remember... or something like that. Either way, we did not reset the clocks. Since we had Sunday plans, we had to be up by five-thirty to get ready. I did remember to set the alarm, got up at five-thirty with my wife, had a cup of coffee to wake up, then as we started in our second cup we started getting ready, then woke our daughters and, after they were both up and dressed, remembered I had forgotten to change the clocks. We had gotten up an hour earlier than we needed, without even feeling like we got ripped off the hour. Why? Because it was normal to be ripped off the hour. We had been ripped off that hour in the spring when we set our clocks ahead. Losing that hour was just the norm of what Daylight Savings Time feels like to me each and every day. I got back into my groove Sunday night/Monday morning instead. We changed the clocks before we left, so we were back on real time but the full groove didn't register until I got up with the girls for school on Monday. Anyway, I don't see anything even remotely looking like they will scrap this silly notion of screwing with the clocks, so I'll enjoy the real time as long as I can an then in the spring I'll suffer through the pain of cutting that foot off the top, sewing it to the bottom, and then wondering why we have to do this again as I cover up and my feet are still sticking out. |
| Yes, it's All Hallows' Eve and this is the second year we celebrated at our current location. Being in an apartment building, we don't get much for trick or treaters, in fact, last year we even put a sign out to let people know we were handing out candy and still did not get anyone. This year it's looking the same. Rhonda took the girls out for the evenings tradition of collecting candy, they both really get into dressing up and going out. The older girl is getting a bit old for this ritual, but since she has missed out for so many years, we aren't going to say anything and let her enjoy this. I had to get pictures, of course, of both of them in their costumes, we have a broken China Doll and a Vampire Cat. Both of them look real cute and did wonderful jobs with their costumes. I do miss seeing all the children in costume for the night as well as handing out candy and to them. I also miss going out with the children and watching them enjoy going door to door, but I don't want to leave Hannah home alone and what if, by chance, someone does knock on the door? Well, that's about it for tonight. Happy Halloween to all. |
| I see the Blogging Bliss Newsletter is out and here I am ten days without a post. Guess I better get writing before I read the Newsletter. It's been an interesting month with a couple of very deep scares already. The first was my wife getting amnesia; technically Transient Global Amnesia. It hit while she was making us lunch and lasted most of the day. The deepest fear for me was not knowing what was wrong, how serious it was, and what else might be happening to her. But, after hours in the hospital and a gazillion tests, there was nothing wrong except for her loss of recent memories and her not being able to write new memories. By that night, she had regained most of her memory, was starting to write memories again, and just missing the events of that terrifying day. Even though it ended almost as quickly as it set in, it left her with a fear of everything vanishing for almost a week. We barely had recoupled from this when my youngest daughter decided to see what was under a manhole lid. Her and a couple of friends managed to pry it up enough for her to get her fingers under it and lift it up. But, weighing as much as they do, it didn't go up and she got her fingers smashed under it. Again, it looked far worse than it was and she got by without any broken bones, just a lot of bruised and sore fingers. Less than a week after this, I was supposed to pick her up after school for an appointment. Traffic was bad, I was already running late, and a train decided it was a good time to cross my path. I finally got to the school about twenty minutes behind schedule. I anticipated her being a bit upset with me being late, but I did not foresee her not being there. When she did not come out within a few minutes, I went in and had her paged. She did not show. I waited for a bit, then drove around the school, thinkin perhaps she got sidetracked and found something to do while she waited. She wasn't anywhere to be found. I called home, now convinced she had forgotten and taken the bus home. By this time she would be inside, likely watching TV. She wasn't home, either. Her sister, who was home, ran to a few of her friends places to see if she had gotten of the bus and went to a friends. She called me back, with another nope, she hadn't gone to any of her friends, either. By this time I'm fighting panic and all the bad thoughts that flash into a parents mind. Another call and I find out from one of her friends grandma that she had called over there, finally. She had gone home with a friend from school, called her other friend and gave her the phone number and an address. I didn't know who the friend or her parents were but thought it must be close to home, so I drove home and tried to call the number, it went straight to voice-mail. I looked the address up on the computer but it did not exist. The grandmother had written it down wrong, but I had no way of knowing this. I grabbed a notebook and jotted down what she had on that morning as well as her age, height, and weight, and was just looking for a recent photo to have handy when I called the police to report her missing when my phone rang. The phone number was her friends and they had turned it off so I couldn't call and make her come home right away. Of course this was because she new she was in trouble and didn't want to ruin her fun before it hit. I got the right address and had to drive back up by the school, her friend lives in walking distance, and pick her up. Everything again turned out fine, but I've handled about as many scares as I can for one month. |
| It's Friday and the weekend is upon us. Fridays tend to be, for most people, a day they look forward to all week. For many, it's payday, and for many it's the end of the work week. I've been there for both counts and know the feeling. Even so, I've also had jobs that payed mid week and my last job made Saturday payday. Most of my jobs have provided me with weekends off, unless something out of the ordinary was going on, but my last job also had no weekends off, so I quite often had to work on weekends. Things like that can take the joy right out of Friday. Now, I have no official job, and was recently informed by a county official that my official occupation is retired, even though I don't get any type of retirement compensation. It's a long story, but because of some special needs, I had to resign from my position and take on some at home duties full time. Anyway, it's again taken a lot of the joy out of Fridays, since on the weekend I am home with the children who tend to require most of my attention and time. Also, my wife usually has to work on the weekends, or at least part of the weekend. What I'm saying is, Monday is a great day with the children back to school. However, my wife often gets her days off Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday, with Monday and Friday being in there occasionally, but more often than off on the weekends. So, it kind of puts all the days even again, with the best days being the days we can spend together as a family enjoying ourselves. During the week, I have time, if limited because of appointments and all that is going on, to relax a little, read and write a little, spend more time in Writing.Com, and reflect a little. A couple days a week, I have time to spend with my beloved, and on weekends I have time to spend with the children. Once in a while, since school has started, there are a couple days a week we all get to spend together as a family. I sometimes reflect on this, on how some days seem better than others, and ponder now, how much is just programmed into thinking like the majority. Sure, for working people, weekends are great, but I remember many weekends getting so tiring trying to do so much, that Monday was kind of a reprieve from it all. Yet, back then, I disliked Mondays. I also look back at my days in the sawmills, hard work, tiring, and it definitely made a person happy to have the weekend off. Yet, Mondays tended to be the slowest and easiest days as everyone transitioned back to work from the weekend. Thursday and Friday on the other hand, was what we called, "Balls to the walls". It was all out as much done as possible, sometimes a bit beyond, to fill orders before the close of business on Friday. It's interesting to look at it now and see, all the days have good things and not so good, sure they differ, but all have there high points and now I have to rate them all as equal, unless there is something specific that really sets the day apart. Looking back, I see the same thing, yet back then, I could not see this. I wish I could have, I think it would have made me appreciate everyday like I do today. |
| Here it is Monday and finally a bit of time to spend on myself. The weekend was tiring and difficult with the girls home from school. That's one of the sides that comes with fostering children with behavior issues, and I must admit, all in all they have grown and are doing much better... most of the time. I have also learned and adapted to our new lifestyle since bringing first one and then the second child into our home. As a result, weekends are not usually so tiring and difficult. This past one, however, was very challenging. For one thing, the week started out badly with me having to rush my wife to the emergency room. Everything turned out all right, but it was quite a scare and a very difficult couple of days for me as things slowly flowed back towards normal in our household. Even now, there are lingering side effects, but with each new day, things get closer to where they were. Even so, it was a tiring week. The children also need to help keep my wife's stress levels down, but with their histories and behavior problems, it's difficult for them. That meant I had to be right there to jump in and keep things running as smoothly as possible, which also caused a lot of stress at times. Also, my wife would normally be there to share any burdens and assist in the days chores and activities. She also is there to provide me time to escape into WDC or my writing, which is a big part of how I refresh and recharge. This week, I had to jump in and do a lot more as well as set aside most of the time I would normally spend in here or writing, or doing other things to relax and unwind. Then, the weekend came. I had anticipated more help around the house, since both children were home and could assist with some of the chores as well as provide me some time to just get lost in here, or in reading or writing. As I have learned with these children, never expect the expected. They were horrible all weekend and even this morning. Not horrible in a mischievous way or getting into trouble, no they just would not give me any breaks. They started in some Friday after school, but I just related it to the weekend and them being excited and ready for a two day break from school. Saturday, however, I soon realized it was something else, and no matter how I tried to address it, I could not make any progress. My wife was able to return to work Saturday, so I was on my own with the children, who both were up way earlier than normal. I should add here that mornings are my quiet time while they are still asleep, a time to enjoy a cup of coffee, wake up, and prepare for the day. But, they were up as soon as I was, and as soon as they were up, it started. My wife doesn't usually start work until 10:00 o'clock; the two children are usually not up before she leaves, or at most, one or the other may get up as she's leaving. Saturday they were up at 7:00 o'clock, when I got up. I could not carry a conversation with my wife for anything, I was doing well to finish a sentence before one or both interrupted. Again, I thought I understood. They had been concerned about her, but had not had a lot of time to spend with her because of school. So, they were just up early and eager to spend a bit of time with her, especially since she was now returning to work, and our life was getter closer to our normal routine. But, even after she left, I could not do anything without one or both interrupting me. I even tried letting them have their tv time earlier than normal, knowing that when it comes to watching tv, they are all engrossed. Not true, even as they watched their shows, they would come over and interrupt what ever I was doing, or just start talking to me instead of listening to their shows. Even Saturday evening, after my wife was home and I had managed to cook dinner for us with many interruptions and distractions, things were far from normal. We watched a family movie, most of which I didn't get to listen to because one or both was talking to me and distracting me. Sunday was the same, both of them up within minutes of me. My wife had to work again, but wanted to sleep in a bit. I devoted my time to the children and did my best to provide her a quiet atmosphere to sleep in. After she got up, got ready, and headed for work, I let one girl cook some pancakes, which she can do perfectly fine (except like most kids her age, clean the mess up after), But not the case this time, as I tried to read the newspaper online, she continually had questions about anything she could think of. The little bits and pieces of time she was occupied, her sister filled in with anything and everything that popped into her mind. This continued through the day and al the way up to their bedtime. If I didn't do anything, they were fine, but as soon as my attention turned to anything, they needed it turned back to them. I tried a few times throughout the day to explain to them that I needed to have a bit of time for myself. They would apologize and find something t do and I would start something and there they were, working in shifts to make sure my attention was strictly prohibited from anything but them. This morning, a school morning, I got up at 7:00 to enjoy a cup of coffee and a few minutes of quiet before waking children for school. But, as I exited the bedroom, I realized one was already up and waiting to pounce. Normally, she would sleep in, then when called, ask for a few more minutes and need to be called a second time. Her sister would b left to sleep until a quarter past, then called and with luck, get up the first time. both of them would hardly be seen until 7:30, then, ready for school, spend ten to fifteen minutes talking with us before going out to catch the bus. Today, however, one's up ten minutes before me, and the other before I could pour a cup of coffee. As like the weekend, they demanded my full attention up and until I dropped them off at school. (They both had therapy appointments this morning, so I took them and after, dropped them off school) I'm happy that I managed through without getting overly worked up, but it was very stressful not being able to any break. Even with therapy and talking about everything, no one understood quite what was happening all weekend. Most was attributed to the change in our daily schedules and the stress that resulted from my wife going to the hospital on Monday, but that was it. I didn't even understand until I started writing about it. Then, as I let out the pressure from the weekend in type, an epiphany! All week long, the children had to restrain from stressing out their foster mom. Meanwhile, I had to jump in and pick up most of the things she does while she recovered. Of course the girls missed her normal presence, which we all understood. But, what was missed was the fact that I was double busy myself and had far less time to spend with them, which they both understood, but by the weekend, their minds needed more attention and they could not refrain from getting it. Consciously, they knew I desired some time for myself and would try to provide it, but deep inside, in that part of the brain that their behavior issues stem from, they could not refrain from needing my full attention. Knowing this doesn't make the weekend any less tiring and stressful, but I am thankful that I managed it coolly, with love, and with compassion when in truth I wanted to just scream out, "Can't you just leave me alone for a half an hour!" Now, I get a bit of a respite from things, even though the calendar is a bit filled for the week. I will try my best to relax and get some me time in before Thursday. Yes, Thursday, wouldn't you know it, just when I could use a full, quiet, and relaxing week, the children get Thursday and Friday off... |
| As you may or may not know, I've had a few years of limited activity at WDC followed by about a year of no activity. Although I liked my job, it is nice to be done with the time it demanded, the uncertain scheduling, and not having any time to devote, with any certainty, here in WDC. Now that I'm more active here again, I find I'm kind of like a new member to many of the changes around the site, while at the same time, I have my old favorites and knowledge of things around the site, some of which have remained and some of which have changed. One of the changes is New Horizons Academy, which is now closed. I have, for years, desired to take some courses they offer, but back then, I could not make any commitments outside of work. Not knowing if I could provide the time needed, it was best to wait for a future day to enroll in the Academy. Now, however, I can allocate some time to WDC, my writing, and taking some classes. Even though I had ben thinking about taking some classes through them, I had procrastinated it for too long and when I thought about it again, thought I had missed the enrollment window. Since I still have plenty of demands on my time, as well as some other engagements I need to complete, I had tucked the desire to enroll aside for this winter. Then, in a recent Newsfeed Activity, the question was asked, How can you edit for grammar errors if you don't know grammar? I had posted an answer, but since the Academy and it's courses had been tucked off to the side, I didn't really focus on the ability to improve my grammar right here in WDC. Thankfully, another member did and contacted me about taking online classes, through New Horizons Academy. It was then, while looking into this further, and with her information, that I read the history of the Academy and how it had ended up closed. Luckily, if enough of us desire to take a class, some of the teachers are willing to provide a class for us. Even so, I see the closing of New Horizons as a real loss to the members of WDC. Think about it, grammar and punctuation are failing so much in our modern world; I recently received an email form one of my daughters teachers about updates to "vocab" and what was due this coming week. Yes, a vocabulary teacher that won't even right out the word vocabulary. The email was also full of antonyms/internet slang. My thoughts were, "How can you teach vocabulary if you can't even write properly and use proper vocabulary. The same daughter also showed me a story she had written for another class. The story was good, but there was no capitalization, only periods to indicate the end of a sentence, even if it was an exclamation or question -- no other punctuation at all. No indents or line spacing between paragraphs, and nothing indication dialogue from the rest. I'm no expert, but offered to help as much as I could. She replied, "That stuff doesn't matter, just the content of the story. Our teacher doesn't grade on anything our tablets doesn't auto-correct, like spelling." This is a writing class! How can you teach students to write if you don't count any of the rules of writing? Anyway, I digress, but it shows how many young people just don't get the information needed to write. Here, at WDC, through reviewing, many of these talented people get poor reviews, because they just weren't taught the importance of grammar and punctuation. Of course there are other's of us who know the importance, but just never learned proper grammar and punctuation, or learned some but still struggle with it in our writing. No matter what the reason, New Horizon's is a God-send to us here. Taking regular classes through a college is expensive and often difficult compared to having our own academy right here. I feel it's a real blessing that other members have created this for us and see it as a real shame and loss now that it's closed. I understand, after reading the history, and I know, and thank everyone involved for all the time and energy they have devoted. Now, perhaps it's time for us to come forward and offer what ever help we can to the Academy that for so long has offered help to us. |
| Even though it's not even mid month yet, my wife and I, mostly my wife, has been busy decorating for Halloween and I even managed to write a Halloween poem this past weekend, but I was unprepared for the terrible scare that came on Monday. My wife and I were up early to get our oldest off to school. Our younger daughter had therapy so didn't need to be up quite as early, so we had a bit of quiet time before I had to wake her and take her to her appointment and then to school. When I returned home, my wife was working on laundry and going through some items she had gotten form her mom's the end of last month. It was nice to have her home enjoying a day off while the girls were in school and we talked and enjoyed a romantic interlude from the daily activities, after which she started getting us some lunch. Nothing fancy, just some leftovers nuked in the microwave. She had brought me mine and asked if I wanted grated cheese, to which I answered no thank you. She had her plate heating and was grating cheese for herself when she caught me off guard by asking me if I wanted cheese with mine, just shortly after asking me. Catching my attention further, was the way she was looking around, a puzzled look to her beautiful face. Her dinner was done and the microwave beeped to let her know. This seemed to startle her, as if she didn't know it was even going, but she took her plate out and put a bit of cheese on her food. But instead of joining me at the table, she continued to stand in the kitchen and look around. I asked if she was okay, and she replied with a trembling voice, "I'm lost." Not fully understanding, I asked what she had lost. "I'm lost," she repeated, sounding even more afraid. She came over to the table, and sat down with her plate. Nothing physically out of place, no signs of anything not being right, but she was looking around like a doe in the headlights, asking about the cloths baskets being out, where the items her mom had given her had come from, and similar questions. She began eating while I answered her, but she didn't seem to comprehend anything. After a few minutes, she repeated that she was lost. I asked if she knew me; she did. I asked if she knew our girls; she named them. I asked where she lived; she didn't know. She didn't know what day it was, what year, what she had been doing that morning or anything recent. My heart fell right to the bottom of my chest and felt as if it would explode. My first thoughts were a stroke, even though she had shown no symptoms. I explained we needed to go see a doctor and she nodded. I grabbed the few items I knew we may need with and walked her to the vehicle, and once had her inside, got in to drive. She looked at me with tears in her eyes and asked where I was taking her. I softly replied, "To the doctor, remember?" Shaking and crying more, she answered in the most frightened voice I have ever heard, "No, I can't remember anything." We talked while I drove, she did remember her family members, where she went to grade school, and with some difficulty, high school. She remembered where we met, but not when. She seemed to do better as long as I talked with her and comforted her but I could see the terror in her eyes as she repeatedly asked where we were, were we where going, and what was wrong with her. We spent a good six hours in the emergency room with doctors asking questions, running tests and ordering images tying to find out why her memory had failed. With each result, I found a bit more and more hope, nothing was wrong. Nothing physically anyway. She was not in any imminent health risk at all, but her recent memories were gone and she was unable to make any new ones. Her only complaint was a headache starting up a couple hours after we got there, so they gave her somethin for that and to help her sleep. Through the afternoon, we continued testing and talking, searching and hoping. Another doctor came in and explained to me that, although rare, there was a form of amnesia that looked likely and that he had seen a few times before. It's called Transient Global Amnesia, and strikes for no reason. It's temporary and usually lasts from six to twenty-four hours, and has no permanent or lasting effects. My wife's lasted just a bit past six hours before she began remembering things. It started slowly with her being able to remember one of the doctors, who then asked what day, date, and year it was. She struggled to remember but did. Another couple hours to observe and monitor as more and more memories came back. Not quickly, it was like she had to concentrate very hard to find the memories, like trying to remember an old phone number or what you ate for dinner a month ago. Nonetheless, I was enraptured that she was remembering. Since she was showing improvement, they let me bring her home that evening. She hadn't eaten much all day so we stopped for a bite at one of her favorite places, and she remembered eating there with the girls. We talked and I joked, she seemed to be a lot better, but still was having trouble with writing new memories and struggling to remember some things. We returned home, I had called someone to get the girls after school and watch them overnight, so it was quiet and peaceful. She was feeling very off and still unsure about anything that day, but wanted to watch a bit of tv before going to bed. I did call and update the girls on her being home, a brief bit about what had happened, and that she was doing much better. Yesterday she was kind of sluggish an felt "off" most of the day. She slept a lot and we took good care of her and kept her relaxing and resting. Today she was much her old self and feeling pretty much back to normal. We had planned for a quiet day, but the school called and we had to pick one daughter up. After, we grabbed a bite to eat, checked out a second-hand store, and then stopped to get a few items at the grocery store. She went in and started shopping, I was sitting out in the truck enjoying a smoke, when she came bursting out the doors and almost running to my side of the vehicle, tears in her eyes. My heart sunk as I began wondering if it had returned. I started to open my door but she was there already. No relapse, but she had been suddenly hit a what sounds like a panic attack. She informed me, once I got her calmed down some, that she was just shopping along andall at once she became filled with fear. I let her sit for a few minutes while we talked and held hands, then asked if we should go home or finish shopping. She was willing to finish shopping as long as I stayed right by her. She did well, but needed to have me close. When we got home, she said she was feeling a lot better, but very tired. She took a nap and after seemed to be her old self again. While she slept, I contacted her doctor and was informed that with this form of amnesia, she would regain all her memories, except for those from right before it showed and up to a short time after she began remembering. She remembers everything up to, but not making lunch. She kind of remembers being in the hospital but no details, no ride after until we stopped to eat, then some of the evening after we got home. Monday was still pretty scrambled and half the day missing. Her doctor also said that some who suffer this regain some memory of the incident. Not so much the forgetting, but the fear they were feeling while it happened. I'm hopeful that was the panic attack today, just more of her recovering. Even so, it's going to be a long time before I forget the fear I was filled with not knowing what was happening to the woman I love. |
| The weekend has arrived much as did most of the week, with a chill in the air, and more rain. After a rather busy week, the weekend should be calm and relaxing even though I probably won't have much quiet time. With no school, the girls will want TV time shortly after they get up. They also have a habit of making sure I can't get too involved in anything. It's both annoying and humorous at the same time. If I try and engage in some activity with them, they tend not to want to engage back. There are a few things, but not many with watching TV at the top of the list to-doable things. Of course, TV is always at the top of their to-doable list along with screen time on their tablets/phones. As long as it's the tablets/phones, it tends to be quieter and I'm more able to engage in other things. However, if they notice I'm engaged, it's almost certain the volume will go up, or the earbuds will come out, just to provide some distraction for me. The TV also tends to keep them entertained, but the background noise is very grating for me, especially when they are watching animated shows. No matter what they engage in, however, they will notice soon enough if I'm engaged in something and provide distraction. Seriously, if they see I'm writing or reading, they will disrupt me. The older one will talk to me or ask me something that rarely has any importance or need. Half of the time, she doesn't even pay attention to my reply; once she has my attention, she's good. The younger one will come and stand next to me and just look at me until I stop what I'm doing and ask her what she wants. The answer always starts the same. "Sorry, I seen you were busy and I didn't want to interrupt you." I'll reply with something similar to, "I see. But, you have my attention now, what did you want?" It's usually something simple, like wanting something to eat or drink, wanting to play with her hamster, read, or draw. Things she really doesn't need to ask for and doesn't unless it's required to get my attention. Of course, both of them have some issues from their past, that's why my wife and I decided to become their foster parents and now adoptive to one and will soon be to both. It's understandable, giving their past, but still very trying for me, especially if I'm reading or writing something. I thought it would get batter with them as time passed, but so far there really isn't any change. Simply put, they do fine by themselves, but they have to know I'm paying attention to them. Of course, during the week, with school in session, I should have plenty of time for me. They are at school, my wife's at work, and I'm here alone with the family dog. So, far, however, it's been pretty busy and not a lot of time for me. What time I have had is being used up getting caught up in things that have been put off. But, I'm getting caught up and appointments are tapering down. Hopefully, with some time to myself, I can once again get into some writing. It's been way too long, way too many blocks, and I'm in withdrawals. Yes, being introverted, I need alone time; it's not a desire, it's a need, as important as eating, drinking, and sleeping. I also need to write, it's how I function in life and as important as breathing. It's how I refresh my cognitive browser. Hopefully, I will begin writing a poem this weekend, something for Halloween. Sure, the weekend isn't the best time to start writing, but the desire has struck and if I don't act on it, if I put it off for next week, it's going to fade away into the deep recess of my mind where many writing ideas have gotten lost over the last year or more. No, I must start it now, while it's surfaced; it's time to end the writer's block! |
| Written for the Community Challenge, 48-Hour Challenge: Media Prompt; the song/video They by Jem I listened to this while having my morning coffee and have been thinking about what I should write throughout the day. I couldn’t find any inspiration for a story or poem so decided to just share my thoughts in my blog. The music was good, I enjoyed the rhythm, and the video was interesting; it reminded me of the movie Alien for some reason. The lyrics were a bit difficult to hear, mostly some background noises that made listening difficult, so I played it a second time when it was quieter. My first thoughts were to much repetition on being sorry. For those who really enjoy this song, I’m sorry. I know, bad pun. With more thought and time to go through the lyrics, I googled them, I found myself unsure what the song is even about. I understand the question of who made up all the rules, but found myself wondering, “What rules?” I mean, life is filled with rules from the time we are born to the time we depart this life, and I’m sure, no matter what your beliefs are for an afterlife, there will be rules. Most of life’s rules are socially determined or established for a purpose, which we can easily understand, and I think, most of us agree with. Of course, there are rules that some don’t agree with, and there are different rules in different cultures that may baffle us. Even so, in todays technological world, it’s very easy for most of us to research rules to better understand them, just as it’s become more and more acceptable to protest the ones we disagree with. Going back to the video, I didn’t really understand, as I mentioned, what rules? The video shows someone floating and stripping in space and ends with the understanding that it was all a dream. I really didn’t find any connection to the lyrics; the rules, who made them, and why they are followed blindly without thinking them through and some stripping while floating in space. It’s likely just me and I’m sure many of you could decipher this song/video for me. I can understand some of what’s stated, knowing that there are those who just accept and follow without question. Yes, I see some of the things people do and wonder myself why do they live as they do, why do they believe without question, and how can they follow someone or school of thought without thinking for themselves. So, yes, I do have some understanding of the lyrics in general, but I still don’t know why the singer is so sorry. I just could not find any relationship between the lyrics and the video. As a whole, the video was entertaining, even if I couldn’t fit it to the song and the rhythm was good, but I must repeat, there is too much repetition within the song for my liking; it’s just too redundant, sorry. |
| The weekend has passed and back into another week. The girls are in school, so normally this is my time, alone and able to do what I desire. This week, however, it hasn't been working that way; it started out a busy week, somewhat reflecting the weekend we just finished. Originally, we were to go to my mother-in-laws on Friday and stay over until sometime Saturday. My sister-in-law and her family were also planning on being there and it sounded like a pretty good time even if a lot of it would be spent doing some cleaning out in the garage. Plans change, however, and the first change was my sister-in-law, they couldn't make it. Then, we found out we wouldn't be able to go because our older daughter had homecoming on Saturday. We should have known sooner, but our district does everything through an online site, and we have had nothing but problems getting our account to work. Also, our daughter didn't say anything until the beginning of the week. No problem was our first thoughts, she could do homecoming Friday and then Saturday we would head over and return Sunday. That's when we were told, "No school Friday, homecoming is Saturday and I have to go because it's required for band members." We did finally get our account for the school fixed, or more accurately, they got their glitches fixed and we could finally access the site. Yes, no school Friday and homecoming was Saturday afternoon with the dance about three hours later; why mess up a three day weekend? My mother-in-law is getting up there in years and we knew she would be disappointed. But, playing at homecoming was required, and even if we left right after, it would be evening before we arrived. Besides, it was also our daughter's first homecoming, so very important to her, therefor to us, that she attend. We set our sites on an early start on Sunday. Saturday afternoon went off without any problems, but later, for the dance, things fell apart. We dropped our daughter off for the dance, then headed out to do a bit of shopping with our younger daughter. About an hour and a half later, my wife started getting calls from work. This tends to mean someone wants her to come in so they can leave, or fill in for them the following day. She ignored the phone the first few times, but when it continued to go off, she answered only to discover our daughter was at her workplace trying to get a call through to us. Here I should explain that she, our daughter, lost the use of her phone. She can use it for pictures and a few games, but no service since she misused it a few times. So, she couldn't call us from her phone, but she was at the school and could have easily contacted us from school and explained the situation. As we were told, she had given her ticket to a friend to hold for her and the friend didn't show up. Of course, there are discrepancies all over, but her story is, the friend didn't show up so she couldn't get into the dance. From there, she had another friend drive her home, but since we weren't home, she couldn't get in; she had forgot her key. From there she went to my wife's workplace to try and contact us, since she also didn't have our phone numbers with her. However, when we dropped her off, she was asked if she had our numbers with and she answered yes, in my purse. Also, our numbers are on record at the school, where she should've called from. On top of all of this, it took her an hour and a half to try and call with no explanation as to why it took so long. My wife and I believe she went to the dance and stayed for a bit, then left with friends and eventually returned home, but she couldn't get in, and her friends had already left after dropping her off, so she had no choice except to go to my wife's workplace and try and get a call through to us. Luckily it's right close to home, so she didn't have to go far. Part of our disbelief in her story is it changed from when I talked to her to when my wife did. Also, she has a history of being untruthful and sneaking around, as well as trying to manipulate people to get her way. In this case, it's proof she needs her phone activated again, something she has been trying to accomplish all summer long. We did get to my mother-in-laws Sunday early afternoon and spent most of the day working in the garage organizing and cleaning it for her. Our younger daughter worked hard and helped out a lot, but the other got cold right away and needed to go in and warm up. She eventually fell asleep and didn't help out at all; she did stay awake enough to download an app she is not supposed to use, spend a bit of time in it, then delete before going to sleep. I suppose she was thinking she got away with her sneaking and dishonesty on Saturday, she could get away with sneaking the app, using it, then deleting it as well. She didn't, we confronted her yesterday about everything, just enough to let her know we know, but not enough for her to know how much we know. She was also informed that we would be discussing this later; I want her to spend some time stewing in the fact that she didn't get by with anything as well as wondering what the consequences are going to be. |
| Friday is here and originally we had plans to visit Rhonda's mom for the weekend since the girls don't have school today. But, the older girl has homecoming tomorrow so that kind of buncos that idea. We did talk a bit about driving over today and leaving early tomorrow so she can be back on time; she has to be there by noon-thirty. I also started a project yesterday that I wanted to get done, but things didn't work out, so it' on hold pending the plans for today. I purchased a couple of bookshelves, one a bit taller than the other, both the same design and color. They are assembled, but I still need to attach a shelf between them for the television to sit on, converting the bookshelves into a rather fancy entertainment center, with enough room under the shelf and between the two bookshelves for the big cedar trunk to sit that houses all our games. The day is burning away quickly an still no conversation about todays plans and what's happening. I've tried to talk with Rhonda a few times this week about this and other things, but she is side tracked and distracted, so our conversations have gone nowhere. It's very frustrating and results in not much getting accomplished, since we try and make most decisions together. So, the question today is, what's happening; what's happening this weekend, and what's happening with my partner? |
| It's been five days, time to update in here. My last entry we were heading back to our old residence to get more stuff and the trip was pretty much uneventful. We did hit a detour for road construction that's been going on for about three years. They got as far as the border, so hopefully they will be done soon. Even so, it's crazy how long they have drug this project out for; it's also ridiculous how they detoured traffic. We drove to the highway and proceeded to travel along until we came to the state border, and hit the detour that made us drive back north about thirty-five miles, then east to the interstate and back south again. The road they detoured us to was crap, and it added aver two hours more driving time. Also, we didn't rent the truck as originally planned, so we are looking at another two trips to get everything. It took a lot longer to pack and load than I had wanted, so we didn't get home until three in the morning and by the time we got things settled, in bed about four. The next day we unloaded the pick-up and should have been life back to normal. Not so, our daughter has started in again with some issues and things have been pretty stressful. She had really settled in well over the summer, made a couple of good friends, and seemed to have shown a lot of change. Then school started and the attitude and issues resumed. I discovered a note in her pocket yesterday after she got home and asked what it was. She lied about it and went to her room. I dropped it until this morning, when I asked her what she had done with the note. She got irritated but threw it in the trash before heading out to school. It was addressed to a boy she had a lot of issues with last year and who hangs with a not so wonderful group of kids. She also got a text from one of these kids, and it's apparent now what's going on, she's back into a group of negative kids,. In fact, one of the good friends she, we'll call her J, has had all summer is no longer talking to her. This was the case last year at school, too. J wouldn't hang with these kids because they were trouble and mean, so she also wouldn't hang with our daughter. That all changed over the summer and they got to be real good friends. Now that our daughter is back in this group, however, J won't talk to her or hang with her. The whole thing has me pretty upset, since she has changed in her moods and her personality to fit in with this group, she's back to lying and sneaking, and I'm not sure how to proceed. |
| We, my wife and I, are headed out to get some of our belongings that are still residing at our old address. We still have quite a bit to move, and I'm hoping we can get it in one last trip, but it's likely we will have to make this run at least once more. We have a pickup, so we can haul quite a bit, but we have some rather large items left to move. I had pondered the idea of renting a truck just to make sure we could get everything. I looked and compared pricing and then began the online process. Now, I had looked into this around the end of last week, and found pricing about the same except for mileage, one was 15 cents the other possibility was 17 cents. Yesterday, the mileage rates were higher, 65 cents and 72 cents! Why? The increase in fuel costs I assume. Not that they would be paying for the fuel, but what else would have increased the cost? We looked into round trip and one way rentals, and the rates were the same." Oh well, I should have procured the vehicle last week," I thought to myself. I filled in the required information and the estimated cost was 220 dollars. Next was insurance, we'll round it up to 100 dollars. Checkout time, and the amount due is almost 450 dollars! No explanation why it was so much higher than the previous quote. Also, it stated a deposit was needed at the time we pick up the vehicle, 650 dollars! There was no way I could come up with a grand overnight. On to the next renter. Final cost was a bit higher do to the higher mileage rates, about 250 dollars. Insurance was next; we picked the lowest option, 40 dollars, and added a one time fee of 10 dollars that covered any mess, dirt or other possibility we could be charged extra for. 300 dollars and no deposit fi we paid with a credit card. More than I had wanted to spend, but if it got everything moved, it would be worth it. I proceeded to check out and finish the process before anything else caused rate increases. No vehicles available in our area. More time wasted; I proceeded to look at a one way move and went through the entire process again. A one way move would be about 100 dollars cheaper, but since we would have to drive there to pick up the truck, the added fuel for the trip would make the cost about the same. Okay, my wife can bring the pick-up back, I'll drive he truck, and we will for sure have everything moved. I completed the online forms and guess what? They now needed a security deposit since we were renting in a state we did not reside in. Yep, around 650 dollars! We will drive the pick-up back there, get as much as we can, and if needed, go get the rest another day. |
| It's been a couple of days, so let's see what's been going on. I've been enjoying my new computer, the large screen, how fast it is, and all the newest bells and whistles. It took a couple of days to get everything set up, but I think I have it. I get notifications from my phone and had it set up to text and call as well, but changed that today. I still get notified, but have another device set to make calls and send text messages, an Echo. I've been looking at Amazon Echo for a while, and seen one that's refurbished, so I thought I'd make the plunge and see how it goes. It was suppose to arrive yesterday, but I didn't get it until today. It shipped UPS and they have a new driver who didn't ring the apartment, just left a note saying he would try and deliver again today, since I needed to sign for it. I was home but didn't know he had arrived since he didn't buzz the apartment. Also, if we aren't home, packages are dropped at the office, where they will sign for them if needed. He didn't know this, however. I waited for him this morning, hoping he would show up about the same time, which he did. I spent a good deal of the day playing around with Alexa, and enjoying my new toy. It's really quite remarkable how much she can do, and if we had more devices set up, would be even more helpful. We'll see how it goes for the next few days, but I'm already convinced that everyone will be getting a lot of use out of Alexa.  & "Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." T.J. |
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