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Just Jul Lee is just me. I write my thoughts and observations. |
  I'm just Jul Lee, just a normal person with a talent, a talent others have as well. We have much in common...Welcome to Dragons Delyte and Faries Farce...Welcome to my world! This is just a journal about me and what I feel and experience. It will speak of God quite often and since I am human it will speak of loneliness occasionally experienced and other emotions we all deal with. I hope that you will read this objectively and rate it fairly, if you rate it at all. Please don't rate it if you're just doing it because you disagree with me. I am not you and you are not me, that's what makes us great. We believe differently and do things differently. Sit back and enjoy but if you don't want to hear about God then stop now.  Just Jul Lee  |
It Doesn't Get Much Better? DATE: April 27, 2005 Okay, so, all day long I sat at my desk working and struggling with emotions of a very wide range. I must say that this morning I had a very good title for today's blog but that was soon lost in the fog of time and thoughts and so, this is what you get. It doesn't get much better was originally a statement but changed into a question. Why, you may ask (or not)? Well, it's secretary day, or admistrative assistant day, or whatever and I happen to be a confidential secretary. Yesterday, or the day before but I'm pretty sure it was yesterday. Never mind. Okay, my last entry was about how my boss always returns from a trip angry at me, not nice, and then, eventually, gets over it and treats me nice again. Emotional rollercoaster and whatnot. Everyone got african violets (I think that's what they are) today from our two bosses. Two things that spawned and continue to create turmoil: 1). Everyone had theirs handed to them by our boss or placed where they could easily be seen. I was the exception. Mine wasn't handed to me and it was placed in a spot where I didn't see it until I was aware that others had received something and I looked for it. 2). All the other little plants have at least ten blooms on them but mine? Two. And one is dying. Okay, so I sound like I'm whining and that's because I am. I love my little plant and it's two little blooms. I just notice that mine looks a little 'pathetic' compared to everyone, yes EVERYONE, else's. I prayed for the plant to bloom like crazy (I hope it does) but I feel so bad for the little plant that I want to love it regardless of the feelings within me. So, I don't want to be here, I want them to make me upset so I can quit (go figure) and I'm unhappy. God has been helping me today, though. He's been showing me that my joy comes from Him, not from my co-workers or my circumstances. He's helping me realize that everything will be fine if I look to Him instead of at the other plants on every desk. So, I flipped the card around and wrote, "Smile! God loves you very much! Find and establish your joy in Jesus!" with smiley faces and everything (but this didn't happen until three in the afternoon) and I'm trying not to feel sorry for little old me. The good news? It's Wednesday and therefore, there is church tonight. That makes me very happy! I also completed one more VC Andrews collection and just have three more to complete (one with just ONE MORE BOOK!) and then I'll have the whole collection of her writings currently available. So, I'm happy now, but I just wanted to blog you all with my current circumstances at work. Thank You, God, for this job, even as it tests me. Thank you all for reading my blog. |
Life Continues DATE: April 25, 2005 Hello all you lovely writers and readers! It's Monday (and I don't know why I feel that I have to state what day it is but, hey, it's my blog) and I am at work once again. I have found that I am actually glad to have my job even if I don't enjoy it. It's like being in elementary school all over again. There's the groups that get along and the left outs, there's the complaints that mean nothing and are only told to the boss (teacher, in school, you know), and there are the looks and whispers. I think to myself, hmmm, do I really need this? Unfortunately, since I am an adult (maybe not in action and personality but in age at least) I realize that I do, in fact, need my job. And so, I am glad that I possess said job even if it's not all it seems. I went to Colorado this weekend and toured the Focus on the Family compound, for lack of a better word. Needless to say, I loved it. I want to get a job there eventually. It seems great, from what the tour showed. Of course, tours show greatness, you know. I'm not saying that F.o.t.F is not great but what if the problem is me? It is logical to believe that I am the cause of my own misery, as it were. Do I truly create my own problems and therefore my own irritating work environment? Then, if I do, the problems and the juvenile actions will go with me. Do I truly believe that I am at fault? No. At least not completely. I can acknowledge that I have shortcomings, that I am a slightly loud talker and that I am not into sex jokes and nasty talk (no fear of that at F.o.t.F) but I feel that the actions my co-workers take have little to do with my 'phone voice'. I'm loud all the time, by the way. And another thing is that these complaints come to my boss whenever she happens to be out of the office for a day or whatever. How convenient that when she's not here is when I'm overly loud (I'm always loud) and on the phone for three hours (that's rare but I've done it when she's been here and I work while I'm talking) and that I ignore the boss over her. I have never ignored the boss. So, she goes on these trips, comes back and I'm always in the dog house. She treats me with a coldness that fringes my eyebrows with icicles and glares at me whenever I show my face. Anyway, this is my gripe about my job and if only I could get 'Past Vengeance' published all would be well. More later!! |
Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire plus Long-Haired Guys in Santa Fe DATE: April 7, 2005 LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE Okay, one of my many, albeit unnoticable, flaws is lying. I am trying to overcome this flaw, trying to be a 'good Christian' and not fib any longer. God revealed to me how easily I lie. Someone can ask me something simple, something that has no repercussions at all in my answer, something of general curiosity, and a lie escapes my lips so simply that I am quite awed by my talent to do this. "Do you have any money?" "No." Yes I do! "Did you just call me?" "No." Yes I did! See? Okay, so now I understand how lying begets lying, how one lie can multiply faster than rabbits, how lies build upon each other and muddle the facts until even the liar doesn't remember the lie. Therefore, with God's help and mercy, I have decided to stop lying. Therefore, it annoys me to no end to wonder if YOU'RE lying. I can't really trust the words escaping from fellow beings mouths, my own fault for lying as I did, and therefore, whenever legitimate excuses arise, I doubt. Can it be that difficult to tell the truth? Now, most people lie for a 'good cause'. Not wanting to hurt one's feelings, for example, or not knowing what the truth will reveal to the asker. Good reasons...right? Others, like me, lie because they had started out with good intentions (see above) and ended up face down in the mud every other sentence with "LIAR" branded upon their inner-forehead (only we and God know we are lying). In fact, my lying became a talent I bragged upon to friends. "I can lie so well I can fool just about anyone." Definately something to be proud of. Then there are the liars for attention. Their lives, in their opinion at least, are so boring that they just have to 'expound' upon the details to liven things up. Surely, this can't be all bad, right? A little adding here, taking away there, sugar coating the truth a touch, fine...right? Lastly, and I apologize if I missed liar brands, are the liars for lying. They lie just to do it, just to deceive and get away with it. These liars put great thought into their lies, have some handy-dandy ones lying around for quick fixes and enjoy the twist they bring to people's everyday realities. These folks don't have very many friends, to speak of, or they do and they are the same type of liars and therefore are not truly friends. I mean, you have to be open and honest in relationships, right, in order to get to know one another you have to be truthful. If your relationship and friendship is based on lies, well, I think you get the point. Okay, so this rant on lying was for nothing other than my own thought process. I wonder if Judy lied about the rental cars being booked up, if she lied about her daughter having to work, just because her husband doesn't like me or my mom. Does her husband NOT like my mom? I mean, I yelled at him in front of a lot of people so I know he doesn't like me. Or is is all in our heads? This is why everyone must be brutally or nicely honest. No more sugar coating, no more lying to spare feelings. I'd rather know that you think I smell like rotten jellybeans that wonder if you were asking about my purfume because you liked it or it should be discontinued and destroyed. I'd rather know your husband doesn't like or trust me and my mom than have to wonder if you're lying about cars and work and lack of ability to go when we go. I'd rather know that I'm annoying yet you still like me than wonder if I should stay or go. So, stop lying...if you're lying at all...therein lies the death of lies in Julie. LONG-HAIRED GUYS IN SANTA FE! Okay, I thought of this a few moments ago and had to come in here and add it to my blog for the day. I didn't feel like creating a new blog. So, there's the awesome, long haired guy in my dream. The, oh so cute, long haired guy (ballet dancer!) at Hastings. There is also a very cute employee at Wal-Mart with long hair who flashed me his best smile one night. Melt! And these three have the dark brown/black hair that just suits long haired, good-looking guys. Yesterday, there was a guy visiting my next door neighbor while I was on my way to church. I was in the car and I looked over as he walked up the drive. Long, blond hair and I saw the flash of a dimple in his left cheek! What is happening here? It's driving me crazy. I'm okay...I'm okay... |
Thursday DATE: March 31, 2005 I'm not happy today. It has nothing to do with anything except my job. I hate it...again. I don't want to be here and I wish I could quit. It has nothing to do with my co-workers or my boss or anything, it has to do with me. I'm sick of it. That's all there is to it. I love God and I realize that this job is a blessing from Him but I just don't want to work anymore. It all boils down to being lazy...which I am. Anyway, we will see how long this lasts this time. Happy Thursday everyone. Have a great day! |
What Can I Do? Change? DATE: March 23, 2005 So, I've made a mistake...again..and I don't see why it should be me that suffers. I gave out a phone number that I shouldn't have but it all settles on the 'friend' who is not willing to forgive someone. Yet, here I sit, sad and wondering if our friendship is over. But thinking back to my past, I see that I need to change. I have no right to be angry or unhappy or judgemental. Why do I feel that I am justified in my rage and no one else is? So, what can I do? Change? The answer is yes, I can change, and that is what I must do. It's sad that I may lose my best friend because of my stupid past actions and emotions. It's unfortunate that I have to lose friends at all. Shouldn't they always be there for you? Shouldn't you be able to count on them through anything? So, I'm happy...or trying to be...I have to keep fighting off Satan and his horrid emotions of depression and doubt. My faithful Father will be there with me, always, as He has been through all the others. He will hold me, love me and comfort me and I will never be alone. Clinging to Him is the only way I can make it through, the only way I can overcome, and I am so glad that He is faithful to me. So glad that He loves me. I decided to write this blog entry just to express my frustration but I am glad that I can always come back to Him and feel joy despite my circumstances. I'm not asking for understanding or pity, I'm just showing myself, mainly, that God is all I need. All I ever need and more... |
Happy Monday!! DATE: March 21, 2005 Today is Monday (hint: read title) and I'm filled with joy. I think today of our awesome God, with His unending mercy and faithfulness. It is great to be loved by Him. I pray that each and everyone of you know Him and sees Him as He is, our loving Father, Friend, Savior, Confidant and Protector. He is everything we need, want and desire. How glorious is His name! Okay, so this is a praise entry, long overdue, I might add, for I love God, always have, and He has remained at my side through my doubt, despair, fear and held me. He's always held me. I think of how often I've been held in His ever protective hands as I travelled selfishly through life, living as I wanted to and ignoring His ever quiet voice. I hear it today. He loves me...and YOU! I will quote a song now, by Bon Jovi, that I changed the lyrics to. The song is called 'Diamond Ring': Calvary, that's where Jesus died, Just to show the world, That He loves you so, Calvary, Calvary, You know, you're His everything, Calvary. Holy Ghost, God's gift to you, Holy Ghost, shows Him that you're true. Holy Ghost, Holy Ghost, Like a fire inside that grows, Holy Ghost. When you're hungry He will fill you up, When you're thirsty drink from His eternal cup, When you're crying He will dry the tears for you, There's nothing that He wouldn't do for you. When you're hungry He will fill you up, When you're thirsty drink from His eternal cup, When you're crying He will dry the tears for you, There's nothing that He wouldn't do... No you know every, drop of blood He bled, He bled for you so that you could live, He wants to be, your everything. Calvary, that's where Jesus died, Just to show the world, That He loves you so, Calvary, Calvary, You know, you're His everything, Calvary. You know, you're His everything, Calvary. Let Him be your everything, Lord and King. Praise the Lord! He loves you! God bless and keep you all until His return! NOTE: If you want to email me to talk about salvation or just to voice your opinion, do it! I promise I'll write back. |
Update Your Blog! and then some... DATE: March 17, 2005 HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!! And in the spirit of said holiday, this entry shall be written in green, just so you can't pinch it! And how are you all doing this fine day of days? Well, I hope. I decided to write my blog and blog my life about this afternoon. It has been a rather fine week. We had a lot of snow on Tuesday. It was more snow than we've had in seven years. Just so you know. New Mexico is part of the USA, though most do not know that. If you didn't...well... Nevermind. Okay, do you like dragons? Dogs? Dollars? Doughnuts? Dust? Dreams? Dull conversation? That's what this is!       All right, then. I'm trying to think of something witty to say and the smoke is making it very hard to see. A is for apple B is for bug C is for candy D is for Dull Conversation.... All right, for real this time, a blog that doesn't put you to sleep. Here we go... This is for all the marbles... No more messing arounnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn Oops... Happy st patty's day and all that jazz... lowercase okay, now i'm really saying bye BYE!!!!!!!!!!! |
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