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One man's journey to find the way home |
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I am an American Baptist ordained minister. I began my life journey in Massachusetts, where I was called to help people understand what it meant to know a loving God. The call came during a time when I was wrestling with how to help my brother Kurt, who was diagnosed with Schizophrenia during my high school years. I was a new Christian by my senior year following trying to understand what it meant for me to care about a person like my brother who others tended to stay away from. After twenty three years in Massachusetts, God sent me to the land of Kansas City where I spent about 35 years of my life. I was a pastor, a resident chaplain, a supervisor in training and most recently a caregiver and security. Everything I have done vocationally has been with God in mind. That does not mean that I am totally comfortable with all the movings of the Spirit. I am now in Erie where I do not know very many people. I came here because of my wife. She is from Erie and coming here was the right thing to do. It just plain made sense. My kids had grown up. I did not like Kansas city in terms of climate and was looking forward to a change. I had become very frustrated vocationally and longed to come to Erie to get a second opinion, because I honestly believed that was what God had wanted for me. I left behind kids and grandkids who I loved!!!! I had two jobs that I enjoyed. They were both very appreciative of my skills and I was making more money with the two jobs than I ever had. I heard more than once. ARE YOU CRAZY? Well I can only say that I am in love with God's leading. I am starting all over again. It has not been easy. Maybe some of you can offer me some words of support. I am lonely despite the fact my wife is with me. She battles depression and has two siblings that are having similar battles. When it is all said I am in a depressed community with a depressed wife and her family. So I begin the conversation.... WELCOME!! |
| Well I am in the middle of my shift. I keep seeing better days ahead. Believe it or not the accountant made a mistake on my check tabulation. I may be headed to getting money. I talked to my counselor and was faced with what gets in the way of my needs getting met. To God be the glory. |
| I am trying to allow for the possibility a sermon can come to me amidst the exuberance of praise. My son calling to book a flight. We are in this together. The journey makes waking up worth it. Now I raise a question. How doesanuse of self stop. Maybe tomorrow I will learn. |
| Allergies or whatever, feeling miserable. I am working a double. God give me strength and along the way wisdom to survive. I enjoyed reading sermons. One was cosmic altar call and another orchestra in the works. I trust God will show me. A testimony is in order. Scripture out of Luke 1 and Philippians. I trust God to lead me in testimony to praise. |
| I look at my life and is it any wonder, I can praise. I was taken out of my mother into a world in love with being right and not wrong, good rather than bad. It was the issue of being brought into the world as poop or treasure. Of course mom loved me and yet that did not mean the world at large had to love me and so the battle begins to find out who I am. I saw God as adopting me as beyond reason, because in other circles, I was slow and not easy to look at. This left me to seek loud noise and movement as an intention getter. I survived. Going forward I do not know what this means. All creation praises God yet the wounded part of me wonders if this is even possible. So I get up after I fall down and look for the arms of God to embrace me. It is the only hope worth having. God has always lived me despite myself and the feelings others have of me. |
| Well I am still here and only one week from getting thru another month. And my body screams, please slow down. I may or may not make 23 thousand dollars. I am so tired. God help know the peace inside only you can give. It is real hard to listen to the red Sox. They are a 500 club and I want them to be better. They have their best pitcher and our hitters are just barely sneaking ahead with their own pitcher who had won only two games. Will he win again. I am afraid it is not optimistic. He tries hard. I hope he does not burn out. My journey in praise is naming stuck points. Let's listen to creation. Dive into the briar patch. If God could find peace in such away, how can we not want that same peace for ourselves, better yet than suffering others want for us. |
| It is hard to believe that I am well into June and feel like I have a job despite all kinds of reasons to doubt. Our debt is finally pared back, meaning I will be uncomfortable with one or two thousand. Faith!! My sermon is still percolating with the tar baby and davidic focus. I am now in possession of a key and an invitation to take the guys on a field trip. Much has changed. I could still lose my job and yet the basis "at will", stays with me and in an overarching sense moves me to consider what will is it I am in connection with. They will, not mine. God teach me in presence or absence. |
| I have had a very tough pain in the neck all day. What does it mean for the future. I detest pain and yet have escaped allergies. God give me strength and wisdom to decide just how much further to go. God give me strength. |
| Here we go again. I am opting for hours to pay back debt as I get to first half of year and I am tired and my sermon beckons. I now see myself preaching the journey thru the eyes of David. So take me to my baptism in water with God's beloved embrace out of the woods to the light of resurrection. Then major moments would include: 1. Battling against the anti Christ, like Saul. Recovering a voice to love all of if creation and all person's. 2. Trusting in God even when everything seems to be going wrong. 3. Receiving the support of messenger God sends. 4. Letting all creation speak for me when I can not. 5. The vision of Christ on the cross redeeming and encouraging. 6. Loving those who might not know God's love otherwise. 7. Caring presence reflecting God's rule in all moments offering praise 8. Last of all when in doubt enter the briar patch, the cross as a place to know for yourself and others God is in control. |
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