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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/akherousia
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Review of Unsedated  
Review by Ahkerousia
Rated: E | (4.0)
Awesome Poem! Sometimes when I start to read a story or poem, and the quality just shows, I notice my reviewing part of my brain kick it up into high gear. This was one of those times! Right off the bat though, I do want to point out that the last two lines of the first stanza are not capitalized, and there is an extra space between the sixth and seventh stanza (not sure if that was intentional). Besides these problems, technically speaking there ais very little to talk about here. The difference in syllables between the last two lines in the second stanza (the one with the brain eating amoebas :D) really sticks out to me, as does the forced rhyme with 'lakes' and 'awake'. There are a few other syllable inconsistencies in the rest of the poem, but since I don't know how you are reading this in your head, and I don't know if this is simply your style of writing, I won't keep pointing out. Just keep in mind that some people (like myself), find things like this a little distracting, and that can deter from the flowing, immersive feeling a poem can give a reader. But speaking of that immersive feeling, what sticks out to me most in this poem is what an excellent atmosphere it has. Humorous and thoughtful. By using 'Obamacare' with fears like 'werewolves' and 'bedbugs' we are shown that these fears are not universally seen as rational. However, you also use very real fears like school shootings and terrorism to give your poem a dark edge. While someone may be sincerely scared of Obamacare or werewolves, it is interesting to see these kind of fears side by side with the violent, life threatening horrors you use in the beginning of the poem. It makes me think that even these 'real' fears are mostly just products of our imagination. I don't know if this kind of reflection was your intent, but I can say that your poetry made me sincerely thoughtful, and for that I thank you :) Keep up the great work, if you want me to review your stuff in the future just PM me.


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