WHAT I THINK:
I was curious how a phone book could change a life and you explained that point in this short story.
WHAT I SUGGEST:
I only have one small suggestion. Perhaps your story would benefit from using italics to establish what is thought and what is dialogue.
IN MY OPINION:
In my opinion, this was a good short story. It was not what I expected which was refreshing. The idea of a phone book altering the course of someones life sounded interesting enough and I was not disappointed. I appreciate you sharing the story and hope you continue to WRITE ON!
WHAT I THINK:
I think this is an interesting poem about loss. I like the descriptions you provide of the regular everyday things that are overlooked until those everyday things are gone.
WHAT I SUGGEST:
I would suggest a period at the end of the second line instead of a comma. Also, marvelled should only have one L. In the second stanza the last two lines for me were visually disturbing. Open hearts making food? It could just be me being too literal. It happens.
IN MY OPINION:
In my opinion, the simplicity of your poem is powerful. The images are honest and it resonates through the poem. I appreciate you sharing and hope you keep writing!
WHAT I THINK:
I think you have managed to say quite a bit with so few words regarding loss. Short and simple is not a bad thing.
WHAT I SUGGEST:
I saw no typos, but wonder if a semicolon would be better at the end of the first line?
IN MY OPINION:
In my opinion, this could be adapted by the reader to cover different trying times in life. I would leave it as is. If it ain't broke, don't fix it ya know? Thanks for sharing and keep writing!
WHAT I THINK:
I think this is an extremely informative article/opinion you have written. It is very easy to understand and thorough.
WHAT I SUGGEST:
My only suggestion is that this be required reading. Hopefully this will find its way into the writing handbook.
IN MY OPINION:
In my opinion, you hit the nail on the head. This piece offers a voice for what we all want to hear/say as reviewers/writers. Both sides of the coin are represented and your awardicon was well deserved! I agree with your points and appreciate you sharing a wonderful piece!
WHAT I THINK:
Wow! You went right for my heart with this one! I have three daughters and it wasn't until recently that I realized my middle daughter was feeling extremely left out. My oldest daughter is ten and has been struggling through division, so she gets extra homework attention. My youngest daughter just started Kindergarten and has a "new" story everyday to tell everyone. My middle daughter has A's and doesn't need help and never gets in trouble so the amount of time she gets in the spotlight is often overlooked. I have seen the error of my ways and have taken steps in the right direction to change that. Fortunatly, it didn't take me sixteen years to realize it.
WHAT I SUGGEST:
I only have one suggestion. In the last line, you could use a comma after her and eyes. Otherwise, I didn't notice anything else.
IN MY OPINION:
In my opinion, this was an excellent read. It made me feel better that I am not the only parent with a child who feels this way whether it was a true situation for you or not. It is short, but speaks volumes. Thank you for sharing!
WHAT I THINK:
I think you explained breaking up beautifully, if that is possible. I liked your examples of things that do in fact break and how we all affect each other. It actually made me think of a line from the movie "Crash" that I just watched over the weekend. One of the characters, played by Don Cheadle, says that we sort of "crash" into each other to make sure we can still feel. (that's obviously summarized)
WHAT I SUGGEST:
Call me old fashioned, but I thought sentences were not supposed to start with a conjunction like but or because. Although it may be grammatically incorrect, I thought the way you wrote it was effective. It read more like how you would expect to hear it if you were listening in someone's head while they were thinking it.
IN MY OPINION:
In my opinion. this is a great piece! I really liked your explanations of everything and can completely relate to it. I think many readers could. It is a tough subject for the heart, but you broke it down to it's simplicity and pointed how silly it is when we say things a certain way. Great job and thanks for sharing! Keep writing!
WHAT I THINK:
I liked this! I particularly enjoyed the first stanza and the first two lines of the second stanza.
WHAT I SUGGEST:
I have a couple suggestions to throw at you. I think in the first stanza, you could remove the but in the third line and the word that in the fourth line. It reads smoother in my opinion. I also think you could do the same thing with and in the third line of the second stanza. The last line in the second stanza seems out of place to me because it is too long in comparison to what you have before and after it. In the final stanza, I would lose but in the third line and suggest a comma after high.
IN MY OPINION:
All in all, I really liked this alot! I love the question it poses and the way you have worded some of the lines is fantastic! I appreciate you sharing and hope you keep writing!
WHAT I THINK:
I am a mom. Right now my three daughters are just ten, eight and five. It was hard enough when my youngest started Kindergarten this year. I can't imagine how it will be when they are all grown and have their own families. This poem helped me feel better about what lies ahead.
WHAT I SUGGEST:
I have a few minor suggestions for you. In the third line, I would say raised all my children instead of I raised up my children, healthy and strong. In the seventh line, when not one friend could be found I would change that to when no friend could be found. I think it keeps the reader from stumbling over so many extra syllables. Also, in this line, After all it is their life not mine they live in, I would add a comma after LIFE and after MINE.
IN MY OPINION:
In my opinion, this is a heartwarming poem about a mothers love for her children. They do have to grow up and spread their wings and fly... but I agree that an occasional phone call isn't asking too much. Thanks for sharing and keep writing!
WHAT I THINK:
I think this poem needs some attention from you. It seems like there is a vague flow and rhythm to the poem, but you have to look for it.
WHAT I SUGGEST:
I would suggest taking a second look at this poem. It's as if you just stopped abruptly and didn't finish. I think the reason you described the poem as undescribable in your port is because there isn't much to describe. If nothing matters, then why even bother writing about it. It must matter then.
IN MY OPINION:
In my opinion, this poem needs some TLC and CPR to revive it to its potential. There were no typos or spelling errors. I think you fell short on a focus for the poem and will be happy to give it another read if you do make some changes. Thanks for sharing and keep writing!
WHAT I THINK:
I think you have a well organized folder. I think some of your descriptions for the poetry are a bit confusing. (Especially the very first one.)
WHAT I SUGGEST:
I have no suggestions for you at this time.
IN MY OPINION:
In my opinion, your folder is ready to be read by many. Your poetry sounds interesting and I will try to read more.
WHAT I THINK:
I think your folder of short stories is well organized and easy to follow. I think your explanation of the folder is adequate.
WHAT I SUGGEST:
I have only one suggestion regarding the description of the story "Surgeons Save Lives". You have: Desc: Surgeons make many delicate incisions and sometimes saves a life.....or not. I think it should be sometimes SAVE a life.....or not. It's a small detail, I know. I really had to look to find something.
IN MY OPINION:
In my opinion, your folder is organized and I can't wait to read a couple of your short stories. Thanks for sharing and keep writing!
WHAT I THINK:
I liked this. It's simple until the last stanza where you leave a lasting impression about the story of the poem.
WHAT I SUGGEST:
In this stanza:
You always try to make me talk,
I think it gives you power somehow,
It puts you in a better light
If someone else can be dragged down. The second line is too long. It really messes with the flow of the poem in my opinion.
IN MY OPINION:
Overall, I liked this poem. I think it rings true when someone is a "user" just taking advantage snd offering nothing in return. Thanks for sharing and keep writing!
WHAT I THINK:
I think you can stand tall and proud just as you said in this poem. I really loved this piece!
WHAT I SUGGEST:
I have no suggestions for this particular piece, but I am curious about the renovation of your port. Is that why so many things are unavailable to review?
IN MY OPINION:
In my opinion, you have a beautifully written piece here. I especially liked the second stanza explaining heritage, ancestry and the future all in few words. Give yourself a pat on the back because this one is wonderful!
WHAT I THINK:
I think you have an interesting poll here. I can see that honest criticism seems to be what the majority is seeking according to your poll results.
WHAT I SUGGEST:
My only suggestion is that you should really advertise your poll to get a lot of responses. Are you going to use this poll to write anything regarding what we are seeking in a review?
IN MY OPINION:
I hope you are able to determine what the majority is seeking in a review. It is an excellent question and I think your choices are well worded. Do we all want to just be worshipped and glorified or do we really care about what the masses think of what we write? I wish you luck on your poll and thank yopu for sharing.
WHAT I THINK:
I think that the more you wrote, the stronger your words supported your feelings. The middle and end of this poem were extremely more powerful, I thought, than the beginning.
WHAT I SUGGEST:
I have no suggestions, but I did try to find something to correct with no luck.
IN MY OPINION:
I could picture you reading this at open mic night at a little beat nic club where we all snap for applause when you are finished. I really enjoyed this poem and encourage you to make the opening lines as convincing as the rest of this piece. By all means, write on! Thanks for sharing! snap.snap.snap.
WHAT I THINK:
I think you are very comfortable in your own skin. I can feel your anger and sense your strength while you say what you want to say without considering anyone else feelings.
WHAT I SUGGEST:
I would suggest maybe putting the lines where you are portraying your thoughts in italics.
A competition, full of naïve contestants, in which victory in {color:red}is{color:blue} unattainable!
Also, you seem to have forgotten the apostrophe in your contractions: I'd
You mean the one that sits and watches thousands of people, young, old, men, women, boys, girls, break down in tears and they write their last letter, blow their brains out, slice their wrist down to the bone? {color:red} This sentence seems like it needs a second look. Here is my suggestion: You mean the God that sits around watching thousands of men, women and children break down in tears as they write their last letter and blow their brains out or slice their wrist to the bone? It seemed like the sentence needed some cleaning up or something.
IN MY OPINION:
I like how you stand by your convictions in this piece. Although the cynincism is heavy, the light comedic ending left me with a better feeling than the one I had while reading. I thank you for sharing and encourage you to keep writing. Also, I think you should address the issue of the lack of a title. A strong title can catch a reader and reel them in.
WHAT I THINK:
I felt like this poem was a little hard to follow due to the constant contradictions. did you follow me or was I hearing things? did I see you, maybe not... I get where you are going with it... the uncertainty and the hopefulness that what you see is what it is.
WHAT I SUGGEST: I recall the time I kissed youyour hands,
Did you say you can't wait for for me? I think FOR once is enough don't you?
IN MY OPINION:
I felt like the poem was too long and that the length helped hide what the poem is about. I was curious as to why the pain is honey dipped? Is it to sugar coat the painful truth or to acknowledge the sweet and sour parts of a relationship? Overall, I did like the poem and hope you keep writing and thank you for sharing.
WHAT I THINK:
I don't do many word searches on this site, but the title was what caught my attention. I was not disappointed.
WHAT I SUGGEST:
The only thing I can suggest would be maybe offering some definitions of the words. It's a stretch, I agree, but have no suggestions for improvement since I completely enjoyed doing it as it is.
IN MY OPINION:
I had fun doing your word search and learned a lot of new words. I admit that I may be looking some of the words up in the dictionary because I have never heard most of them before. Your title reeled me in and I think your word search was great!
WHAT I THINK:
I think this is hilarious! I was at first thinking the poem was going to be about paying your respects to the porcelain god after a night of drinking and got something completely different!
WHAT I SUGGEST:
I think this poem/tribute is great the way it is.
IN MY OPINION:
I wouldn't change a thing! I have been reading all these serious and sometimes somber poems and was thrilled to find this gem! I laughed after I gave a bief moment of silence to the person who was in involved in the not so funny situation. I needed a giggle. Thanks for sharing and keep writing!
WHAT I THINK:
I love the desciptive words and the way it all just rolls off the tongue in a huge breath like it's almost too cold in here. (and it isn't because I live in Florida. )
WHAT I SUGGEST:
I very rarely have no suggestions so consider your self lucky.
IN MY OPINION:
I loved this poem. I particularly liked how reading it made it seem colder. I also enjoyed the story of a dad protecting his babies from the winter by staying vigilant and ready at the fire. Thanks for sharing and keep writing!
WHAT I THINK:
I could really feel just how sad and painful this goodbye was. I particularly liked the end when you state your love for Liza and acknowledge it without shame or remorse, but candidly as if it were always a given.
WHAT I SUGGEST:
I happen to have a personal struggle with the comma as an accessory. I think there are way too many. There are so many emphasized pauses through the poem due to the commas that I found myself ignoring some of them while reading. Also, I think you need an S attached to the word thing(s) in the first sentence of the fourth stanza.
IN MY OPINION:
I think this was a wonderful expression of how hard goodbye really is. Whether going off to school or losing someone, there are unresolved issues and we all hope for closure. I know I have had times when I desperately wanted a crumb or morsel or shred of acknowledgement or validation that I was as important to someone as they were to me.
I enjoyed this inspirational piece. It encourages the reader to quit over thinking religion and look inside for support. I thought this was a very good read and especially enjoyed the lines:
And let’s not forget singers,
many who’ve said:
“Life is a dish,
better served dead!”
With all these opinions
you may feel depressed.
Never not tired,
never not stressed.
This piece was well done and I am happy to have been able to read it. Thanks for sharing.
Wow! What a powerful and emotional letter. I hope the intended person has read it too. I can completely relate to what you are saying here.
I do have a couple suggestions for you. I felt that a strategically placed semi-colon would come in handy in this line:
Your smile didn’t light up a room; it lit up the emptiness deep within my bosom.
Also, you use the word feel on this line:
If so please feel me in because I’m clueless.
when it should be fill. Using the word feel suggests emotions or touching. If you use fill then you are saying you want to be filled in as a blank line wants to filled.
Otherwise, this was an excellent read and very emotionally charged. Thanks for sharing!
Angie
{omage:939628}
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