Have you been living my life Babydiva? That is EXACTLY how I feel two mornings out of three! Thank you for an apt description of the middle aged dilemma! I enjoyed it immensely!
A lot to like in this piece. There were one or two typos, a couple of places where the perspective changed suddenly or where sentences were a little rough but a warm and likeable key character and a plot with depth. I am interested to see where the storyline goes from here, and to see what happens when it is edited as I believe that the flow will improve and the story be enriched by a little tweaking and perhaps a little more fleshing out.
One or two typos in the text, but generally this first draft of a first chapter does its job of hooking the reader very well. I was immediately intrgued by the fact that the Key Character is a fairy. I would have preferred to be allowed to deduce this rather than be told bluntly. The dialogue was easy to follow and descriptive and there was sufficient plot drive to make me want to read on. Will look out for more, and with interest. Lastly I would haveliked thefirst chapter to be a little longer and to set the tone/scene a little more.
Ok, its a short story that should be at least a novella. The whole idea was hugely entertaining and read very well. By the time we reached the advance I was laughing and hoping for more. I enjoyed the way the story gradually expanded from a dream into the reasons for the dream and then into a reality that both brought the key character into the dream come true but also showed her overcoming quite chalenging obstacles to get there. Most enjoyable and worth being up so late for!
A very well constructed and evocative work. Very strong imagery and constantly escalates the emotional conent. Impressive work from a young writer who will obviously evolve into a powerful author in any genre.
I like the storyline, intregued by the wings and lack of in the key character. I was drawn to sympathy for the turmoil of the young 'girl?' over her disability.
There is a spelling mistake in the second para...coursing. And there are two short paras regarding her breathing which are almot identical. Some of the paras are a little short and need to drive the plot more but over all, I felt it was a strong first draft of a compelling story and I would love to see more of it.
I like this story, was surprised tht Gracie is a young woman; in ch1 I had the distinct impression she was a child. There are now darker images appearing, giving a depth to the plotlines. Looking forward to more!
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/andelusional
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.24 seconds at 6:54pm on May 05, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
