I am an amateur writer--very amateur--but I feel like the excerpt that you've posted is not the beginning of the story. I think that if you back up a little bit, and start developing Lucy's character, you'll find out why someone would want to kidnap her. I can feel a great story behind her, but am not sure what it is exactly. Give us more information about her job, where she lives, and what kind of past she has. I think once you find out who Lucy is, the rest of the story will begin to fall into place. I also think that if you find Lucy, you'll be able to add more details about what surrounds her, and it will help your writing flow more and take away some of the choppiness.
I was really interested the whole time and read this and hope that you continue the story. I hope my advice helped!!!
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.26 seconds at 1:26am on May 05, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
