*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/annbaine
Review Requests: ON
4 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Ann Baine
Rated: E | (5.0)
*BareTree*


Hi, Gumio.

I found "The gap of the elevator doors on the Noticing Newbies page.
----------------------------------------

You've done a wonderful job expressing the nuances of love and how it makes one feel and act. Thank you for sharing such an uplifting piece.

----------------------------------------
Happy Writing,

Ann Baine
2
2
Review by Ann Baine
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*BareTree*


Hi, Coffeebean.

I found "Of Blood and Beasts on the Noticing Newbies page. I love fantasy and the no dialogue challenge aspect was interesting, so I decided to give it a read.
----------------------------------------

*LeafY* Overall Impression *LeafY*
I found the story entertaining, to say the least. It was short and nicely written. You did a great job conveying Logan's actions and motivations, and I really liked the bittersweet feel of the ending.

*LeafG* What I Liked *LeafG*
I really liked the no dialogue aspect and that it seems to be about werewolves (or skin-walkers, maybe?).

*Leaf* What I Didn't Like *Leaf*
There wasn't really anything I didn't like.

*LeafBr* My Suggestions *LeafBr*
Your sentence structuring could use some work—they were a bit longwinded at times—and your lexicon could stand to be expanded. That said, there was nothing major that I could find to pick at. For examples of what I mean, see the dropnote below.

Examples

----------------------------------------
Great Work & Happy Writing,

Ann Baine
3
3
Review by Ann Baine
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*BareTree*


Hi, Bruce.

I saw your review request for "The Girl From Mile End. Ch 1. on the Please Review page. I tend to favor fantasy over historical drama, but I quite like books like Shanghai Girls and The Things We Cannot Say as well, so I thought I'd give it a read.
----------------------------------------

*LeafY* Overall Impression *LeafY*
Dialogue is always a good starter. The short exchange at the beginning between Elise and Alice that led to the descriptive paragraph drew me in. That said, as I kept reading, I did begin to feel a bit overwhelmed by the amount of dialogue in the story. It was very back and forth, and I had to reread quite a few parts because I had trouble following who was speaking. It felt sort of monotone. I wasn't able to form much of a connection with any of the characters, which I, personally, would need to want to continue reading the story as a whole.

*LeafG* What I Liked *LeafG*
I liked the way your story flows. Each scene had a day-in-the-life feel to it, which I consider important in historical war dramas.

*Leaf* What I Didn't Like *Leaf*
I didn't like that the story was primarily dialogue dependent.

*LeafBr* My Suggestions *LeafBr*
Try to flesh out the story with more description in-between the dialogue. Whether it's environmental, action, or the lead's thoughts, feelings and observations, I think adding more description would help to keep readers engaged.

----------------------------------------
Happy Writing,

Ann Baine
3 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/annbaine