Please remember, these comments are MY OPINION. Everyone has an opinion, some you may like and wish to use, some you may not. If my comments make you think about what you’ve written - - - I believe I’ve done my job as a reviewer.
Krystxn,
Expectations before reading: Okay, I already know I love the story and the characters. Going in I expect to be blown away! I’m familiar with the story line and I know your writing style. I’m looking forward to reviewing this chapter!
While I’m reading:
She did not know what lies outside.
She did not know what lay outside.
The was no particular place from which the wind chime sound came from. There was no particular place from which the wind chime sound came.
So many thoughts were rushing through her head; she felt sorry for raising her voice on Jade.
So many thoughts were rushing through her head; she felt sorry for raising her voice at Jade.
“No, Dragon Doom.” He replied in a quiet voice. The black dragon, Doom, back away.
“No, Dragon Doom.” He replied in a quiet voice. The black dragon, Doom, backed away.
Overall, an exceptionally enjoyable read. I look forward to reading more of this story!.
Please remember, these comments are MY OPINION. Everyone has an opinion, some you may like and wish to use, some you may not. If these comments make you stop and think - - - I’ve done my job as a reviewer.
Krystxn,
Expectations before reading: Okay, I know I’ve rated this before and I’m pretty sure I reviewed it as well, but according to my account, my review doesn’t exist. Sooo - - - I already know I love the story and the characters. I’ve already read up to Chapter six or seven, but I’m going back now and making it all official according to my account. Going in I expect to be blown away! I’m familiar with the character and the story line and I know your writing style. For a person in your age group I consider your writing style and ability well above normal. That’s why I always look forward to your reviews as well as your stories.
While I’m reading:
“A dragon? Come on Serena, we all know there are none on the island.” “A dragon? Come on Serena, we all know there are no dragons on the island.” “A dragon? Come on Serena, we all know there aren’t any on the island.” I’m really not sure about this one. I can tell you that there is just something about that “are none” part of the sentence that I don’t care for the way it reads. Probably just a personal preference so it’s completely up to you.
“My point is, Serena, nobody’s going to believe you if you keep lying.”
“My point is Serena, nobody’s . . . OR
“My point is, Serena nobody’s . . . OR
“ Serena, my point is nobody’s . . . I’m sure you’ve heard it before - - rule of thumb is that a comma is a short breath/pause. I tried this several times and it just didn’t sound right with the short pause at both places. Try reading it aloud to yourself and see what you think.
Check your capitalization of seasons. You have a habit of capitalizing them as if they were a day of the week.
Shaking the thought from her head, she went to go fetch more water. The sooner she was finished, the sooner she could get to her room. Again I would suggest reading this aloud with and then without the highlighted words. See which way sounds right to you.
Her hand touched a broom and made it fall.It made a loud noise, Simple oversight, you just missed a space here.
maybe a year or two older than her staring down . . . Remember - - punctuation IS NOT my strong point (in fact I once reviewed one of my daughter’s homework papers, my punctuation corrections helped her get a “B”. . . She would have had an “A” without my help.) - - - anyway, I thought a comma might work here.
She felt the force of the loud screeching roar coming from before her. When she lowered her arms the same dragon she saw so long ago was standing before her, shaking debris from its large wings. Try changing the second instance of “before her” to something like “in front of her”.
Overall, a Very enjoyable read. I look forward to reading more of this story!.
Krystxn,
I know I've reviewed part of the Stargazer story before, but for some reason it no longer shows up in "My Feedbacks". Anyway, you know already that I am a big fan of this story. The Prologue is definitely an interesting piece, and it does peak one’s interest. But why choose only a portion of the story which makes no mention of Serena?
I haven’t read all eight chapters you’ve got posted yet, but the prologue would lead me to believe that the King is a bigger character in the book than is Serena.
Anyway; that’s just my humble opinion. It’s still a great selection, and I have loved every part of the story I’ve read so far.
Nani, Lovely story. You obviously have considerable knowledge of Canadian Geese as well as the Georgia countryside. Basically I read the story from the point of a reader, not an English major and I only found one mistake. "Greta and Grady <would> constantly on the look-out for anything that might harm their babies.” Need to change the word "would" to "were". Other than that, it's a very nice story.
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Expectations before reading: Okay, I already know I love the story and the characters. 
While I’m reading: 
Overall, an exceptionally enjoyable read. I look forward to reading more of this story!
.
- - - anyway, I thought a comma might work here.
