This is an extremely detailed outline! I usually find that when I do an outline this extensive that I get a kind of "burnt out" feeling and have a hard time starting the actual story. Everyone has their own style of doing things though. That's one beautiful thing about writing.
As far as the plot goes, I love the modern mythological concept. The muses and the glasses are the most intriguing aspects for me. I'm a big fan of Greek/Roman mythology, so I'd be very interested in reading this when it is finished.
This poem really supports my decision in making Autumn my favorite season, and my argument that it is the most inspirational time of year.
I've been searching for the perfect words to describe my sentiments about Autumn for a long time, and you've done a pretty good job at capturing it for me in this poem.
I think you hit the nail on the head in how a 6th grade boy from SoCal would approach this essay. Albeit, one with quite an overactive imagination.
Being from Alabama, I can definitely relate to his predicament. I remember many kids being bewildered when we had to write about or draw pictures of winter activities in elementary/middle school. It's mass chaos down here when it snows..everything gets shut down and no one really goes outside to play.
Overall, this was well written and it gave me a sentimental feeling about my childhood. Great work!
The title of this poem is really spot on, it definitely gives a sense of wonder and dreaminess. I love that.
Normally I don't dream about nymphs,fauns,and dragons, but I would like to, especially after reading this. Alas, you can't choose your dreams (daydreams maybe..).
The only thing I can say against it is that I personally wish it was longer, but only so I could read more of the beautiful mythological imagery. It works perfectly well as it is though. Good job.
I haven't read Chapter 1 of this story, but the name Ivy caught my attention here so I decided to take a look. (My daughter's name is Ivy.)
So far, I think you are doing a good job at character development. You seem to have a clear view of who your main character is and her motivations. That's important.
I think you are heading in a good direction here, but I found many technical errors. I'll list a few to help you out. Remember that proofreading is very important.
"Getting up I through on my black.." (should be threw)
"I never they can be cathartic." (not sure what you meant here)
"..the out of shapes dads.." (should be shape)
Also remember to capitalize band names such as Linkin Park and Evanescense.
I hope that this review was helpful and I encourage you to keep writing. Practice makes perfect.
You've really piqued my interest here. As an ex-heroin addict (clean for 3 years now), I've been in many conversations like this one. I think you did an excellent job on the dialogue.
I'd really like to see more description of the people though, I want to know who they are at their core, and be able to see the full awkwardness of the situation. You're definitely showing it here, but I'd like to see more.
This biographical poem was so emotionally moving to me!
I really connected with how you feel about this girl/woman.
A few years ago, a friend of mine, a young man who I grew up with, committed suicide, and the exact same thoughts ran through my head.
"Is there something I could have done?" It's just one of those questions that can never be answered. You can only make the decision to do everything you can to help others in the future.
First of all, your dad seems like a great guy! You're very lucky.
I was really moved by this. I am an animal lover, and I have to say I was heart broken when I got to the part about the animal service only working from Monday to Friday! Especially after all that your dad did to help that seagull!
You did a good job at helping me understand how you felt about it.
The clipart at the end is a nice touch too!
The only negative thing I can say about this is that I wish the paragraphs had been broken up into blocks, but that's just my personal preference.
I really, really, loved this! I thought it was a unique take on a poem about being shy, something I haven't seen before. You did a beautiful job at making me visualize the scenario, and I haven't seen that much in poetry I've read lately. The word play was fun as well!
This was short and sweet,and I feel that it could work just as well as a poem or a song.
I did find one small mistake. During the chorus, in the line "She nobody's everything", I think it should be "She's nobody's everything", so as to stay consistent with the other lines.
I can deeply relate to this, as I have Panic Disorder, and I can get easily overwhelmed in social situations, my husband also has severe social anxiety. I've also been painfully shy my entire life, but as I get older, I'm realizing that you just can't live life to the fullest when you're that shy!
I think this was pretty well written and I'm curious to see where it leads. I thought the second paragraph was cute and clever.
I'm curious about a few things though,like, would the EMTs come out just because two people bumped heads?
Also, what was the nationality of the two people who were having trouble speaking English? I think a little more description of them would help me to sympathize better with the main character.
I like the spirit of perseverance that you have invoked with this poem. It's important to know how to stand up for yourself in the face of adversity. I think we've all had to struggle with people who will do anything to keep us from succeeding.
One of the best things I can advise you to do, and I recommend this to almost everyone, is to use a good word processor. OpenOffice is a good one that you can download for free.
I hope this review was encouraging and always keep writing!
I have to say, I feel that this is extremely well written. Technically, I don't see any errors that need improvement (other than is it Matthews or Mathews? The title spelling is different than in the piece). Great job!
Story-wise, I'm kind of left wanting to know more. If his name is Jon Matthews, why has he been called Craven, this time and before? Also, I just really want to know more about him, and why does he seem to hate "his people" so much??
I'm really interested in this, and I hope you continue to write more about it!
This is definitely an interesting concept, and I'm a fan of ghost stories, but it does need some work. There's a few spelling and grammatical errors that can be easily fixed with a word processor (OpenOffice is an excellent one that you can download for free!).
The part I enjoyed the most about this was the personification of the flowers in the garden during the death scene. But, I was a little confused at the part where she said cutting was better than an orgasm, not sure how old she was, or if she knew what an orgasm felt like?
Overall, interesting story, but like I said, practice makes perfect! Keep writing!
Also, if you're interested in ghost stories and other supernatural tales, check out my portfolio.
This was really short and sweet, just like a haiku should be. I felt like I was sitting under a shady oak tree. That's a nice feat for only a few words. Good job.
I quite enjoyed this. It started out as a charming story about some mischevious kids and turned into something pretty frightening, kind of like Stephen King's "IT". If I could give any advice, it would probably be to add a little more description with the dialogue. Hope this review helped. Keep writing!
I like where you were going with this, and I like the imagery. There's something about the very last line though, it just doesn't seem to fit, I can't quite put my finger on why though. I like it, keep writing!
An optimistic outlook is alwaus refreshing. I enjoyed thos philosophical musing, but I wonder, do you use a word processor? There are numerous spelling and grammatical errors here, and that can sometimes distract from the overall message. I hope that helps, and keep on writing!
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