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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/art912
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7 Public Reviews Given
8 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Lenient in regards to grammatical errors or formatting, though a well formatted piece does make for better reading. I'm more story focused and worried. To me a story is like a fire you're trying to start. Grammar is nothing more to the fire than how nice the fireplace or firepit it's being held in.
I'm good at...
Breaking down what works and what doesn't isn't a story. Whether it be dialogue, character actions, pacing, setting (lack of it or too much at once), any general confusions. Editing. If you so choose. Anything from story edits, to line by line editing or general editing of grammar or punctuation. Sometimes proposing different ways to word your sentences or cut commas or add commas or other things to make the the overall narrative flow and not read choppy.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy. Urban, portal, and grimdark are my least favorite BUT if the story sounds good, I'll give it a chance. Sci-fi is one I'm interested in as long as it isn't a cynical approach and not gimmick oriented. Also poetry, love me some poetry.
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica (specifically fetish and other gross things beyond romantic sort of stories) Teen romance Grimdark I'm not really a fan of but I'm willing to give it a chance.
Favorite Item Types
Chapters or short stories
Least Favorite Item Types
Hm don't think I have any...
I will not review...
Anything overtly gross, inappropriate, or if you're going to be rude. I'm never harsh with my criticism but if you can't be open to some comments and suggestions, I'd rather not spend time trying to help someone who thinks they don't need it. Other than that, I'll generally only turn down a item if it's something that's not of my taste or liking because if it's not my thing, I don't think I'm suited to give helpful feedback.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of 7:33AM  
Review by Aaron
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello!

Thank you for being so patient and I'm sorry for yet further tardiness with this review. Some stuffs came up unexpectedly.

Firstly though, to answer your question on whether or not this tells a story, it does. A short, sweet, endearing, heart warming story. I related to this on a personal level and found the idea all the more impactful because I had a grandpa I never got meet because he died a year before I was born, so it was tear-jerking to imagine him looking after me before I was born, in the afterlife.

The storytelling, or writing itself, read smoothly and your choice of details to give gave clear imagery while also setting up the atmosphere/vibe of the story. Though there was one spot that was off.

I noticed a typo in the 1st paragraph of the Birth Section "to check position of baby". Forgot to put a pair "the's" there, but it was also here your description work seemed rushed and not complete as the rest of the story. I can elaborate if you'd like in reply, but didn't want to get all into it here when you just wanted story feedback.

Other than those small things, it was a terrific read and heart warming.

Oh and some final thoughts...

Arietta IS a pretty name and she is SO cute here. Like I could see this being one of those Pixar shorts and she'd easily steal the show and give baby Yoda a run for his money with how cute she is with her grandpa.

And with that, I shall close this review.
Thank you for sharing, and I hope to hear back from you.

Until then,

Keep on writing
2
2
Review of Alone  
Review by Aaron
Rated: E | (5.0)
I suffer from depression and anxiety as well.
I think it's interesting you use 'war', and 'sinking' in your descriptions of depression as it's a way I've always put it. I've seen it as a black sea with soul numbing waters with weights tied to my feet that I must swim and struggle against to get through every day. Every day is a different battle in the same war that no one can see.

I hope you keep swimming and don't stop fighting. There's sunshine behind the stormclouds. There's a shore to every sea. You must outlast the dark.

Thank you for sharing this part of yourself. It takes strength.
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