I really liked this poem. The flow and imagery worked for me, and I can easily relate to the idea behind it. I think making a picture is more interesting, bc then the eye notices the shape as it is reading about the "smoke". Excellent poem.
You can keep your GPs. I just wanted to say that I really enjoy this campfire. I've been reading along for a while and I very much enjoy how it's unfolding and the characters. Especially, that the continuity is pretty much intact. In a longer campfire, that's difficult to do. (I have a long one of my own and it's a nightmare, sometimes, to keep everything straight)
I'm not usually a fan of non-fiction, but this was compelling and well-written enough to draw me in and keep me reading. This is a very good piece. The emotions involved came through clearly in the story. The only thing I might change would be the repetion of the box's contents, as you did list them at the beginning. But that's in my opinion, and could easily be left as is, and not take anything away from the story.
There's obviously more behind this than I'm reading. Part of your world, perhaps? So I don't get all of it, but enough to enjoy. I loved the description of the half-draconic girl--let me know she looked similar to a dragon, without overpowering the story. Nice.
Now I want to know who this is talking about, and the story that goes with it. lol. Interesting enough. I could see this on the first page of a longer novel....
In the second to last line, did you mean "them" or am I reading it wrong? *shrug*
Anyway, I like this just fine. I'd like to read the short story you mentioned. I'll be nice. Promise.
Well....you've certainly got the emotion in this down pat. Very thought-provoking, and the setting is well set-up.
I do have a beef with you. Though the dialogue is good, and the descriptions excellent, I don't quite see the point of the story. Yes, it's an argument for and against slavery, and more specifically, about freedom. However, I'd like to see some character or plot arc in this as well.
Of course, that's my two cents. So, take it or leave it. Good story.
I really, really liked this. I related to the character right away, and I've always been a sucker for an anti-hero. (Especially when he turns out to be a good guy in the end) The details were awesome and I adored the ending. Thanks for an awesome read!
Sorry about the delay, but had some stuff come up. i'm back in action now. This is very nice. I like how your rhythm flows and your rhyme scheme. The line "is deep inside ourselves..." feels off, slightly, but otherwise, good job.
Sorry about the delay, but I had some stuff come up. Now I'm back. I like this poems theme and rhythm very much. The last stanza is the best one. I love the idea of there being roses everywhere on the "other side". On your second stanza, third line, the rhythm feels slightly forced, but that's the only problem I noticed. Thanks for entering
Sorry about the delay. Had some stuff come up, but I'm back in action now. I like the creative layout on this poem, as well as the gentle rhythm. The rhyme scheme is good too. Your title is interesting, but doesn't seem to match the poem itself, which is more somber than victorious, as your title suggests. Thanks for entering!
I like this satire on fairy tales again. Your rhyme and rhythm are just right, and the tone of this matches up with its purpose. I believe when the queen is talking about believing the mirror's words, it should be "didn't " rather than don't. Good luck with the contest.
sorry about the delay. Had some stuff come up, but i'm back in action now.
I like the idea of mixing and matching old fairy tales or nursery rhymes. Your rhyme and rhythm are perfect, but I don't quite understand how the lamb/tiger/frog turned back into the prince. You might consider lengthening this just a little to make that clearer. OTherwise, I like this. Thanks again for entering!
Hi and thanks for entering in the Wandering Minstrel
Sorry about the delay. Had some stuff come up, but I'm going to get this contest going again soon as possible.
I like your haiku. The rhythm is right, and I like the imagery you made me feel and see. It made me smile, so that's a good thing. Thanks again for entering
Your descriptions are nice, and the emotions in this piece get through well. However, with no name for the boy or the girl, it's hard to connect to a character I can't imagine. The abrupt little flashes of scenes don't work for this story, IMHO, but that's just my opinion of course.
I think if you deepened the characters just a little, using your good descriptions to expand on them, that you'd have a good story here.
Wow. Way to tug the emotion out of this story. I liked your description of the library, and especially the repetition of the "dozens of sheets. Hundreds of words" and the change of the last few lines. The slightly distant POV at the beginning is very lulling, and then the ending sneaks up on you. Nice title as well. Tricksy.
Hi and thanks for entering the Wandering Minstrel contest.
This was sweet and well-written. I liked the setup for this very much, and your description of the fairy was perfect. This would do very well as a children's story, and needs very little work at all. I liked the moral weaved into it as well. Good job
I'm the guest judge for the week. I love the cute tone of this piece. I smiled at the sassy personality of the Hen too. The rhyme felt very natural, and the slow beat to this reminds moe of a country tale. Thanks for entering
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I'm the guest judge for the week. For a first poem, this is very good. I like the concept you have going here. On the third line, I think just saying "shallow beauty may be yours"...would sound better than flipping beauty and shallow. Your rhyme is good; your rhythm fine. Good job! Thanks for entering
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I'm the guest judge for the week. This is a good poem with plenty of emotion. There are a few places where you're rhythm is off, but only a few. My favorite line is "emasculate without blinking her eyes." Thanks for entering
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yeah, had to raid your port after reading the other one. :) This is still good, though all the information at once about the Soul Born felt like too much. Maybe spreading it out a little more? Dont know, but otherwise, so good. Way to go!
Simply amazing. Do you have more of this? This is so good. The description is very vivid, and you've got me interested in the story already. Who can't have him? What is Soul Born? I love when a story gets me asking questions. Great job!
I like the imagery in this, especially the part.."lines of light". It drew a nice picture for me. The last stanza feels wrong, but otherwise, I really liked this. Excellent work! Thanks for entering your poem in
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I appreciate the creative arrangement of words in this poem. It puts emphasis on specific ideas, though I missed seeing it continue throughout the rest. :(
I especially liked the last line. It lingered even after finishing the poem, like the last note in a symphony. Very well written. Good job!
Excellent title! It drew my attention right away. You did a good job of staying in perfect form.
The only drawback for me was that it's almost too strict. The rhyme seems a little forced, like in line 8, or 12. (Just a suggestion) Otherwise, this was a very good poem.
I liked this story, especially the ending. (William Wallace-related to the Scottish hero?) Anyway, the only thing I disliked was all that info on the storm. Perhaps you could start with this line, Who are the casualties of the war between the electric companies...
Thanks for a good story!
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