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Public Reviews
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51
51
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, fellow writer! *Reading*

*Star* Welcome to Writing.Com! *Star*

It is my pleasure to be reviewing your item today. If you have any comments about this review, please email me.

Any suggestions given are my opinion only. Change what you believe in and what suits you.

*Note4* Likes *Note4*

Great images! They carried throughout the poem at most points and I think they are far better than most poems that I read; you have poetic talent. *Bigsmile*

*Note5* Dislikes *Note5*

Simply put, there were a few places where the rhythm of the poem was broken due to your word choice and that's not something that you can fix without rewriting your poem; however, it wasn't such a large problem that it ruined the entire poem.

I also think that some of your lines were unnecessary, as they were redundant.

*Note1* Overall Impression/Final Comments *Note1*

Overall, it was a strong, but not perfect poem, and therefore the 4.5 rating. *Smile*

Thank you for sharing your work.

May your Muse be with you! *Cool*
*Heart* Isabella

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52
52
Review of A Ballad of Truth  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, fellow writer! *Reading*

*Star* Welcome to Writing.Com! *Star*

It is my pleasure to be reviewing your item today. If you have any comments about this review, please email me.

Any suggestions given are my opinion only. Change what you believe in and what suits you.

*Note4* Likes *Note4*

Fairytale love...A love of things that you can do with such a subject, and you do a fairly good job of vaguely "skimming" over why it's not a possibility in real life.

*Note5* Dislikes *Note5*

*Star* I don't take this into consideration in my overall rating, but I think this is a poem where punctuation would and could come in handy, so I would suggest you think about that possibility when you look over this poem.

Giving us hope, hope for what's impossible
Though the repetition is part of your form, I think it doesn't add to the strength of the poem here; instead, I feel that it is overused.

What guy have you ever seen go rescue some stray stranger
1-This sentence is too long for the flow in your verses; it's also, I think, a bad question to ask, because the answer is in real life, in movies, in books, everywhere--that dream is very real for so many people, so you're sort of forcing an answer into the minds of the reader.
2-The word guy is too casual, I think, to be used in the poem; you do it twice. It feels sort of quick...

*Note1* Overall Impression/Final Comments *Note1*

Overall, interesting piece of writing; I grant you a 4.0 for the general idea, which is rather strong, but the small inconsistencies and grammar mistakes that take away from the poem as a whole!

Thank you for sharing your work.

May your Muse be with you! *Cool*
*Heart* Isabella

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53
53
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, fellow writer! *Reading*

*Star* Welcome to Writing.Com! *Star*

It is my pleasure to be reviewing your item today. If you have any comments about this review, please email me.

Any suggestions given are my opinion only. Change what you believe in and what suits you.

*Note4* Likes *Note4*

Often I tell people that I like the idea in their poem, even if it's very distant and barely reachable within the piece itself; I do think you do a very good job presenting the emotions for your friend here and I am able to interpret that the person is important to you, so nicely done.

*Note5* Dislikes *Note5*

Apart from the few grammatical considerations that I've listed below, you ought to look at the consistency of the capitalization at the beginning of each sentence as well as your punctuation, as it varies based on verse and adds to a negative effect.

When I knew your position, it hits me hard
You can't be around me, as we're far apart; but baby,
we'll keep on writing as time depart
1-I think instead of hits it should be hit.
2-You should have punctuation after the first and third lines, as you do that in the rest of the poem, so it's inconsistent.
3-I don't think that the word as is the proper connection for the two phrases; it's awkward.
4-I'm not sure what you mean by as time depart; perhaps you mean departs?

and I hope you feel my words too
You need a comma after words.

I gazed and smiled, at the empty space
You don't need the comma here.

I asked myself, what did I chase?
I don't understand this line in the context of the poem, so you ought to consider whether or not it's making sense.

*Note1* Overall Impression/Final Comments *Note1*

Overall, the grammar mistakes and the slight confusion at some points leads to a 4.0 rating. I think with a few changes, this can be a very strong piece because your idea and message are there! *Smile*

Thank you for sharing your work.

May your Muse be with you! *Cool*
*Heart* Isabella

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54
54
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings! *Smile*

This is a wonderful idea for a contest! I like the simplicity of it all--just write a fiction story, though you do have a lot of specifics.

I think that the visual aspect of the forum page is too boring; you do use bold and some of the emoticons, but I think you could decrease the size of it all by using some headers, instead of making everything double-spaced.

Otherwise, it's a fine place to enter some writing! *Star*

Best,
Isabella
55
55
Review of Tired  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, fellow writer! *Reading*

*Star* Welcome to Writing.Com! *Star*

It is my pleasure to be reviewing your item today. If you have any comments about this review, please email me.

Any suggestions given are my opinion only. Change what you believe in and what suits you.

*Note4* Likes *Note4*

Very interesting topic to write a poem about! I think you could do a bit more with it than you have; there are a lot of ways to pursue sleepless nights...*Bigsmile*

*Note5* Dislikes *Note5*

Once you start including periods in your poem, I feel as if it is pretty necessary that you also include more punctuation and make it more grammatically correct. *Smile* Some of the notes that I've made below are based on that approach.

Up through the night
no sleep at all
I struggle to stay awake.
Here a reader gets confused...Why is the second line lower-cased, if it's a non-punctuated phrase? I suggest you write your verses like this:
Up through the night;
no sleep at all.
I struggle to stay awake.
(That's my interpretation; it immediately becomes clear what you're trying to say.)

The heart is pounding
The heart? Or your heart? I'm not sure what you're trying to say with this approach.

Why do I fall for sleepless nights
when this rush occurs to me?
I guess I just don't want to miss
the life ahead of me.
Perhaps I'm missing something, but I don't get the connection between your first two lines and your last two lines--isn't sleep crucial to not missing the life ahead of you, so why is sleepless good? I'm not sure if you make that clear anywhere in the poem...

*Note1* Overall Impression/Final Comments *Note1*

Overall, it's a pretty average poem...I don't see much coming from it, but enough for me to sort of understand what you're trying to say; some of your lines are unclear and forced.

Thank you for sharing your work.

May your Muse be with you! *Cool*
*Heart* Isabella

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56
Review of Looking back  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, fellow writer! *Reading*

*Star* Welcome to Writing.Com! *Star*

It is my pleasure to be reviewing your item today. If you have any comments about this review, please email me.

Any suggestions given are my opinion only. Change what you believe in and what suits you.

*Note4* Likes *Note4*

It's challenging for me to explain what I like about this poem: I like that you're trying to express these feelings about your mistakes, and you've left it up to a reader's interpretation, but there are some things that hinder a reader's enjoyment.

*Note5* Dislikes *Note5*

Your poem doesn't have any flow and it's not a step-by-step process to fix something like that without rewriting the whole piece. It just doesn't move from one statement, one emotion, into another withouth the reader having to focus on that transition. I don't know how to better explain it to you.

I know some poets choose to not include punctuation due to stylistic reasons, but I really think you could use it in this poem--it's a slow poem, as I feel the flow to be, and I think including a comma or two and some question marks would give more depth to it.

Running thorugh my every mistake
Oh how much I would change
1-The correct spelling would be through. *Wink*
2-I think you could place a comma after Oh.

Why try to control what is wild and free
Why try to twist things into what they're not
These two questions could use question marks.

*Note1* Overall Impression/Final Comments *Note1*

Overall, as I say to many poets, your message and your emotions are very important! What you're trying to get across through this poem is something that matters, but it just doesn't come out very well, with no flow, and no punctuation (which ruins the flow even further), and therefore I offer you a 3.5.

Thank you for sharing your work.

May your Muse be with you! *Cool*
*Heart* Isabella

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57
57
Review of Darr' Shaw Part 1  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello, fellow writer! *Reading*

*Star* Welcome to Writing.Com! *Star*

It is my pleasure to be reviewing your item today. If you have any comments about this review, please email me.

Any suggestions given are my opinion only. Change what you believe in and what suits you.

*Note4* Likes *Note4*

You have an incredibly unique character here, I think, with not only a very cool name, but also dimensions that a reader may be unfamiliar with, which makes the reader curious. I liked that.

I also enjoyed the general plot line--you have a lot of interesting things at work here.

*Note5* Dislikes *Note5*

*Star* Throughout the piece you changed tenses, so I would suggest rereading it and making sure that your descriptions of the forest are tensed in the same way as Darr's actions. *Smile*

Darr' Shaw could feel every twig and leaf beneath her bare paws and flexed accordingly to muffle the sound made by her black leopard feet.
This sentence doesn't make any sense (or you could say, it is redundant)...because aren't "paws" and "feet" the same thing?

She was low, her stomach mere centimeters off the ground.
I think youc ould choose a bette word than off; it is very casual. How about above?

She moved in fluid like motions, her light eyes wandered the dense forest to find one thing.
1-The correct spelling would be fluid-like.
2-Either use the word and instead of the comma, or change it to a semi-colon because it is a different phrase.
3-The phrasing to find one thing is awkward and vague, telling the reader nothing, so thus it is useless.

A lone doe with a gash on her leg, blood mixed with the mud to make a reddish clay.
This is not a sentence; within the context it is placed now, it doesn't give you any impact to have a phrase.

The tension rose as Darr' Shaw's muscles tightened in a moment where time ceased to exist and all there was, was stillness.
The phrasing was, was is simply the wrong choice; I would rephrase the sentence.

Everything blurred in her vision except her prey, as it got closer and closer.
Your phrasing got closer is passive and also very vague; what about drew or grew?

As quick as she could, Darr' bit into the neck of the deer with as much force as she could muster.
You are repetitive here when you write could [do something]. I would change that because it wrecks the flow of the story.

I disliked the general way you wrote the story because it's written in a very vague and "simple" style--your vocabulary does not vary, the structure of your sentences doesn't vary, etc., and all of that ruins the flow.

*Note1* Overall Impression/Final Comments *Note1*

Overall, it was an average piece for me. I didn't like your language, but I do think that your character was written well enough for the reader to connect at a particular level. *Smile*

Thank you for sharing your work.

May your Muse be with you! *Cool*
*Heart* Isabella

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58
Review of Join RAOK!  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greets! *Smile*

This is probably the best survey I've seen around the site. Everything is extremely clear and easy to use.

The RAOK logo that can be found everywhere around the site marks the spot, and the bulleted list and the bolded letters add professionalism and clarity. *Bigsmile*

~Isabella
59
59
Review of The Hardest Part  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, fellow writer! *Reading*

*Star* Welcome to Writing.Com! *Star*

It is my pleasure to be reviewing your item today. If you have any comments about this review, please email me.

Any suggestions given are my opinion only. Change what you believe in and what suits you.

*Note4* Likes *Note4*

A major plus was that you didn't have any grammatical issues! You were very precise in your grammar and the form of language you used, which is surprisingly very rare in many gifted writers.

*Note5* Dislikes *Note5*

I didn't have any real dislikes about the poem--you had images that you wanted the reader to catch on to, and I did, at the least. I think your problem is the way you presented it--it was without a context. You give me this large list of emotions and troubles, but I don't feel for you because there are no dimensions--how hard you fight, how long you've fought, who you're fighting for, what it really means.

*Note1* Overall Impression/Final Comments *Note1*

It was tough for me to rate and review this, as I usually based on writing. I'll grant you a 4.0...for no grammar mistakes, an organizational system, but a lack of emotion in myself. I could have given you a 5.0, but I think that a poem should be more than this expression of troubles that don't really mean anything. It was nicely structured!

Thank you for sharing your work.

May your Muse be with you! *Cool*
*Heart* Isabella

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60
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, fellow writer! *Reading*

*Star* Welcome to Writing.Com! *Star*

It is my pleasure to be reviewing your item today. If you have any comments about this review, please email me.

Any suggestions given are my opinion only. Change what you believe in and what suits you.

*Note4* Likes *Note4*

You did bring out that lazy image of yourself sitting and thinking of the cold--however, with that lazy image, you did also make me dislike the cold and thus it was sort of a reminder that the cold exists...I don't know if you wanted that impression as well.

My favorite verse was your first. It was, I think, the one where the rhyme was best and the image perfect. *Bigsmile*

*Note5* Dislikes *Note5*

Apart from the two grammatical mistakes listed below, parts of this poem seem forced, as if you were searching out a rhyme and had to go with whatever came to you first, or stretch a word to fit, which is the reason that form poetry is the hardest, I think.

As I look outside at the winter white,
And tense from the cold deep inside.
My mind roams back to a warmer time,
All of this is one sentence, so instead of the period, you would have a comma and the My would be lower-cased; or you could choose to simply cut out the word As and disregard the first set of comments.

I wipe the sweat forming on my brow,
So much effort to raise my hand,
Swing back and forth pushed by the breeze.
This is grammatically incorrect as well. The second line is misplaced--but there is not much I can offer you to in regards of how to fix it without rewriting the whole verse.

*Note1* Overall Impression/Final Comments *Note1*

Overall, I think the poem is too forced; you do catch good images because of your phrases, but put together into verses they don't always mix. Again, I did really like your first verse--it was fantastic!

Thank you for sharing your work.

May your Muse be with you! *Cool*
*Heart* Isabella

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61
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Hello, fellow writer! *Reading*

It is my pleasure to be reviewing your item today. If you have any comments about this review you're welcome to email me.

Any suggestions given are my opinion only. Change what you believe in and what suits you.

*Note4* Likes *Note4*

Some of your literal connections are very good and clear, but unfortunately there are not enough of them to sustain an entire piece...

*Note5* Dislikes *Note5*

I understand that as a writer the way you have epxressed yourself now is sufficient to fulfill your needs, but if you are to present this to readers you need to do either one of two things: 1) explain enough for a reader to understand what is going on, but interpret it for themselves; 2) explain every sufficient detail and make it a narrative, sort of an informative piece. You have done either...You give me these descriptions, which are pretty solid, but I don't have a context for them and therefore am I bored out of my mind. *Smile*

So you have wisdom beyond these voids of comprehension, it doesn't matter to me,
This doesn't make grammatical sense. I would suggest making the comma after comprehension into a semi-colon.

I love everything inside the putrid exterior you damned yourself with, but visual conception surpasses any and all of the other 4 blessed sensors bestowed in the human genetic composition.
Type out the four.

On a general and personal level, I disliked the piece as a whole because of your attitude--it wasn't justified enough and therefore you sort of becoming this "evil" narrator in my mind. *Laugh* I'm confused by the piece as a whole.

*Note1* Overall Impression/Final Comments *Note1*

Interesting. Overall, though, I thought it was poor--a mix of jumbled emotions without organization or clear motives, which is why I grant you the 2.5...

Thank you for sharing your work.

May your Muse be with you! *Cool*
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62
Review of A love gone  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, fellow writer! *Reading*

It is my pleasure to be reviewing your item today. If you have any comments about this review you're welcome to email me.

Any suggestions given are my opinion only. Change what you believe in and what suits you.

*Note4* Likes *Note4*

You have a solid poetic quality to this poem. I enjoyed reading it, because most of the emotions were true to what I have felt. I note below what I think you could have done better.

*Note5* Dislikes *Note5*

I didn't dislike anything, other than your extended ellipses; you can cut it down to three periods (...), as is grammatically correct. *Wink*

This isn't particularly a dislike, but I sort of thought that you could have extended upon the emotions, as I was unsure of what exactly you were trying to tell the reader--it is not bad, but definitely open to various ways of interpretation.

*Note1* Overall Impression/Final Comments *Note1*

Overall, it was close to, but not, perfect, so I grant you a 4.5: I would be careful with those extended ellipses and the open-ended interpretation of this poem that doesn't have, as it seems to me, a solid unique backbone...Otherwise, it was fine.

Thank you for sharing your work.

May your Muse be with you! *Cool*
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63
63
Review of Just love  
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
Hello, fellow writer! *Reading*

It is my pleasure to be reviewing your item today. If you have any comments about this review you're welcome to email me.

Any suggestion given are my opinion only. Change what you believe in and what suits you.

*Note4* Likes *Note4*

Your general style of writing--your style--is unique and I think it has a lot of wonderful potential. It suits you in this type of mysterious writing, so I encourage you to continue!

*Note5* Dislikes *Note5*

I've made some specific notes regarding your piece individually below. On a general level, however, I am compelled to note that many of your descriptions seem forced. There are too many of them. You use large vocabulary where it does not fit and it creates a negative contrast to your piece as a whole.

Additionally, there is no clear plot--as a reader, I have absolutely no clue where you are going. Even if it is a prose monologue, I need to have a train of thought that centers around one center theme. You don't have that. It wrecks the flow of your piece.

Finally, I didn't understand the end of your piece--how did the bullet not kill her? If you're shot in the head, you will either die or feel a LOT of pain. Your main character did neither. You ought to clarify that.

She abhorred the way his grey eyes glared into her own dark sapphire ones.
This sentence is really awkward. Are you sure you need to describe the color of her eyes? If you do, I don't think that this is the place to do it.

She believed his lies that came spewing in a never-ending tsunami from his lips.
I think you can change his lies to the lies in order to prevent the use of "his" twice in one sentence.

He got so...angry...Sometimes.
I think that Sometimes ought to be lower-cased.

She stared at the 45 in her fragile, weak hand.
You have to be more specific as to what the 45 is in this sentence. Only until the following one did I learn it was a gun--be specific.

The gun itself was a beauty; it was her great grandmothers.
Since it is a possessive, you would write great grandmother's, with an apostrophe.

It was dainty, with an intricate design, comprised of emeralds and rubies, as they were placed in the form of a rose along the handle,, the vine running down the length of the gun, towards the barrel and the trigger.
1-This description leads me to think that the person holding the gun, the narrator, does not know about weaponry at all...Do you want that impression placed on the reader? If not, your description should be more of the mechanical details that are important to people who use guns.
2-You have two commas after the world handle. *Smile*

She stared at the gun, cocking her dead to the side.
Do you mean head?

"Ironic, isn't it..." She whispered, her breath causing the air to seem foggy.
1-The dialogue is a question, so you should have a question mark instead of the ellipses.
2-The She ought to be lower-cased.

*Note1* Overall Impression/Final Comments *Note1*

Overall, I do have a problem with your flow and the general structure of your piece, as there is nothing in it that is really solid. To me, it's more of a rambling, and until that at the minimum is cleared up I don't see this piece being any more than average; with your grammar mistakes, I grant you a 2.5.

Thank you for sharing your work.

May your Muse be with you! *Cool*
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64
Review of Running  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, fellow writer! *Reading*

It is my pleasure to be reviewing your item today. If you have any comments about this review you're welcome to email me.

Any suggestion given are my opinion only. Change what you believe in and what suits you.

*Note4* Likes *Note4*

You have a good sense of language and rhythm in your writing. I like what you have done with the piece thus far and I am curious as to what will happen next. You are also additionally very talented at maintaing a level of suspense.

*Note5* Dislikes *Note5*

"You're not her." he said.
The period after her ought to be a comma. *Smile*

*Note1* Overall Impression/Final Comments *Note1*

I don't know what tips to give you to help your writing more solid, but there were tiny inconsistencies that made your piece a bit more hard to read than it should have been. Otherwise, nicely done.

Thank you for sharing your work.

May your Muse be with you! *Cool*
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65
Review of ATTENDANCE SHEET  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Jeremy! *Reading*

It is my pleasure to be reviewing your item today. If you have any comments about this review you're welcome to email me.

Any suggestion given are my opinion only. Change what you believe in and what suits you.

Here's my review #1/5. *Bigsmile*

I signed your guestbook and I really think you took a creative edge and made it unique. I especially like the graffiti part of it--it gives me a good idea of who you are and what I should expect from you in general.

I think you could definitely spruce up the text with some Writing ML and perhaps give us a few ideas as to where to go in your port, but otherwise you gave us a general idea that may suit most people just fine.

Email me soon as to what logos you want!

May your Muse be with you! *Cool*
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66
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello, fellow writer! *Reading*

It is my pleasure to be reviewing your item today. If you have any comments about this review you are welcome to email me.

Any suggestion given is my opinion only. Change what you believe in and what suits you.

*Note4* Likes *Note4*

I really like the logo; you have some great technical/graphic design talent and it shows through every single image you have made on the site.

Additionally, the quote from John Wesley, which I had seen somewhere before, fits perfectly in this folder and seems to embody everything that you do.

I also thought that your choice for font colors is good; you also mention the person to gift you with the Awardicon, which is nice, and your grammar/punctuation is perfect.

*Note5* Dislikes *Note5*

Honestly, I don't even have a personal quirk to rant about! Your folder is great.

*Note1* Overall Impression/Final Comments *Note1*

Overall, I feel as if I definitely want to learn more about the Angel Army and I plan on going through this portfolio because you have caught my attention. Nicely done and definitely deserving of a 5.0!

May your Muse be with you!
*Cool* Isabella

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67
Review of Storm-story  
Rated: E | (2.0)
Hello, fellow writer! *Reading*

It is my pleasure to be reviewing your piece today. If you have any comments about this review you are welcome to email me.

Any suggestion given is my opinion only. Change what you believe in and what suits you.

*Note4* Likes *Note4*

I really like the idea you're trying to get across, about how the storm hits and you're caught in the middle of it with a friend, and how in the end everything turns out to be A-OK! (Check out my dislikes on how to get that idea more across by clearing up small things.)

*Note5* Dislikes *Note5*

I hate storms I really am not comfortable at all with thunderstorms or hail or hurricanes or, god forbid, tornadoes.
I think you need a period after the word "storms". I also think that you should perhaps capitalize "God". *Smile* Additionally, you sort of overuse the word "or" in this sentence. I think you shoudl replace some of them with commas, as if making a list.

Feel like I should have an X painted on the roof!
This sentence probably should start with "I feel".

Everything’s been going well, I love my new job, the ex is half a country away and I even have flowers surviving!
The comma after "well" should be a colon, because you're making a sub-list of things going well under your first phrase. "Everything's been going well: I love my new job, the ex..." You could also name the ex?

I’ve gotten a puppy and she, finally, is house or should I say, trailer-broken.
Really confusing sentence for me. Maybe you could write it like this: "I've gotten a puppy and she, finally, is house (or should I say trailer?) broken." This also works: "I've gotten a puppy and she, finally, is house-or should I say trailer?-broken."

Forget weather.com, when a storm is coming, she’s howling and spinning in circles!
Two sentences here. "Forget weather.com." (Perhaps instead of saying 'weather.com,' you could say the weather forecast, or something; it seems a bit rough around the edges.) "When a storm is coming, she's howling and spinning in circles!"

She’s in my writing group and we share a love of Bichon’s so even the pup was invited.
I don't know what "Bichon's" is; you may want to explain (unless I'm just out of it *Laugh*). Secondly, you should place a comma after "Bichon's", so the reader can pause before getting into the second phrase.

I was, initially, horrified, but Michelle just laughed and said they’d be fine playing and let’s go eat.
I don't think you need the commas after "was" and "initially"; you can make one statement and hopes that comes across the way you need it to. I think this sentence is also quite long; you probably need to seperate the "let's go eat".

We were enjoying coffee and watching the two dogs soundly sleeping having, finally, worn each other out.
Again, you don't need to put commas before and after "finally". It flows better that way.

We were watching the sky too as it had this storm-green cast to it, but the meal had been good and the coffee was yummy and the conversation was excellent and, well, I really wasn’t paying much attention to it.
You need to vary sentence lengths. Here, I've got this feeling that you were either trying to make a point that you had done SO many things, or just weren't aware that it was dragging. Also, stay away from passive voice. "We watched the sky, too, as it had this storm-green cas to it. The meal had been good, the coffee was yummy, and the conversation was excellent. I really wasn't paying much attention to it."

Running in circles, yapping and barking—high, shrill, break your eardrum barks.
The last part of this sentence is a little taught. Also, you don't have a subject. Here's what I suggest: "They ran in circles, yapping and barking high, shrill, break-your-eardrum barks."

Michelle, limping and one footed, I carrying the two pups.
This sentence doesn't make much sense. Here's a suggestion: "Michelle limped on one foot, while I carried the two pups."

Life happens she said.
This is dialogue! ""Life happens," she said." *Smile*

*Note1* Overall Impression/Final Comments *Note1*

So many grammar issues are always dragging you up, and sometimes you don't have complete sentences. I urge you to check this story out and clean it up. Once you do, the "moral" will shine through and bring across what I think you felt was most important. *Bigsmile*

May your Muse be with you!
*Cool* Isabella
Review: 10/25

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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, fellow writer! *Reading*

It is my pleasure to be reviewing your piece today. If you have any comments about this review you are welcome to email me.

Any suggestion given is my opinion only. Change what you believe in and what suits you.

*Note4* Likes *Note4*

Well, I must say that you have an image for everything in your port, no doubt about it. *Bigsmile* The image you have here is very pretty, but so blue. *Wink* Wouldn't it be a good idea to put in something more colorful? Aack. Reminds me of a funeral ... or those boring weddings. *Laugh*

But you have a lot of people strolling through, bumping things around. It gives a lot of color to your port.

*Note5* Dislikes *Note5*

Why is this hidden in the depths of your port where you have to REALLY meander to find it? I think this is one of the few things you could have listed as item number one in your port, right out there along with your desk and GP jug. Wouldn't that be an attention catcher for those coming around?

*Note1* Overall Impression/Final Comments *Note1*

Great place. I did leave a note! *Bigsmile*

Thank you for sharing your work. If you would like another review, please visit my review forum by clicking on the logo below.

May your Muse be with you!
*Cool* Isabella
Review: 9/25 (Thanks for your bidding support!)

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Review of Correspondencies  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello, fellow writer! *Reading*

It is my pleasure to be reviewing your piece today. If you have any comments about this review you are welcome to email me.

Any suggestion given is my opinion only. Change what you believe in and what suits you.

I thought I may as well stop by and give this folder the first review! *Bigsmile* I like the image you have up there and I really, really like the actual idea of this folder. I'm going to have to check out some of the things in here. The only thing I think you should add is perhaps some type of explanation for why you started this folder... *Smile*

*Note1* Overall Impression/Final Comments *Note1*

A folder with essays or letters. Nicely done.

Thank you for sharing your work. If you would like another review, please visit my review forum by clicking on the logo below.

May your Muse be with you!
*Cool* Isabella
Review: 8/20

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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, fyn ! *Reading*

It is my pleasure to be reviewing your piece today. If you have any comments about this review you are welcome to email me.

Any suggestion given is my opinion only. Change what you believe in and what suits you.

They’d given the new waitress a hard time, and with her flaring red hair, her mottled face, when blushing, was most unattractive.
I think you meant to say she was most unnatractive (you're missing a subject in the second phrase).

Once again, she was completely involved with her three darling boys.
Down at the other end, she could see Terry LaPlant sitting with Susie Spindleton.
First sentence, you're talking about Lila.
Second sentence, new paragraph, we don't know whether you're talking about the girl with blue eyes or Lila. Clarify.

*Note1* Overall Impression/Final Comments *Note1*

I really like this story! Do I think you deserved the Awardicon? Oh, definitely. I think that there were some spots where you confused subjects and your POV, and some other places where the flow of the story isn't very clear, but otherwise I think you did a fine job bringing out the inspirational view in this story and your idea showed through very well. With a read-through, I think you should try to get those chunky spots out. *Smile*

Thank you for sharing your work. If you would like another review, please visit my review forum by clicking on the logo below.

May your Muse be with you!
*Cool* Isabella
Review: 7/20

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Review of COMPOSING  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, fellow writer! *Reading*

It is my pleasure to be reviewing your piece today. If you have any comments about this review you are welcome to email me.

Any suggestion given is my opinion only. Change what you believe in and what suits you.

I think this poem was excellent! I like how you gave three different visuals -- the piano, the pianist/composer, and the music itself. It gave depth to your piece.

I'd also just like to make one note:
Caressa
(created summer of 2006)
You're welcome to include this, however, you don't have to include your name, as it's visible whenever your item opens up and the copyright is visible, too.

*Note1* Overall Impression/Final Comments *Note1*

For such a short poem, I don't have any more commetns than those above. Nicely done, and write on!

Thank you for sharing your work. If you would like another review, please visit my review forum by clicking on the logo below.

May your Muse be with you!
*Cool* Isabella

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Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, fyn! *Reading*

It is my pleasure to be reviewing your piece today. If you have any comments about this review you are welcome to email me.

Any suggestion given is my opinion only. Change what you believe in and what suits you.

I like the metaphor -- salt shaker and the rice -- but I don't know what you as a writer are trying to say when you talk about "salty terms." "salty" for me describes foods with salt in them, so what exactly are you trying to say? That seemed vague for me.

Technology, being what it is, advanced and lo and behold, the salt would now pour out freely, regardless of rain and damp weather, thus the catch phrase made famous by Morton Salt.
This sentence does not make sense to me. First of all, you talk about "Technology, being what it is" and then switch to "the salt would." (You change tenses.) And I'm rather confused as to what the Morton Salt phrase is here...

I think that your writing style is too complicated in this piece. *Smile* You use so many fancy words and long sentences -- some of which are hard to get through -- and it's sort of like old language.

Salt words course through our language and are the base root of words like salad and salami as well as being part of the etymology of cities such as Salzburg.
"Salt words"? I don't know what you mean by that...

Also, in some of your paragraphs you flow from one topic to another easily, quickly, and then in others your topic change is so abrupt.

The phrases ‘worth his salt’ or, conversely, ‘not worth his salt’ arise from salt being used as a form of money, indeed, at one point in time, was traded ounce for ounce with gold.
This sentence doesn't make sense either. You should change the last part to "at one point in time. It was traded ounce for ounce with gold."

When talking with/using latin words, I suggest you use italics.

You also use passive voice sometimes.

I also think that some of your connections -- i.e. rubbing salt into the wound and endless being "the salt of the earth" -- are stretched.

We liberally douse our french-fries, corn on the cob and popcorn with it.
"french fries" and "corn-on-the-cob" is more correct, I believe.

As a writer, understanding the source of the many phrases that salt our language is necessary to add dimension and depth to our work.
Would you say this is true for everyone?

*Note1* Overall Impression/Final Comments *Note1*

I definitely think that this was an interesting topic and the majority of your piece was very, very solid. However, I think that it could have been organized differently and the general weight of your story could have been better presented.

Thank you for sharing your work. If you would like another review, please visit my review forum by clicking on the logo below.

May your Muse be with you!
*Cool* Isabella
Review: 6/20 (I'm working on them! Please be patient. *Smile*)

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Review of The White Board  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Fyn,

I apologize for my lack of reviewing this past week! *Bigsmile*

I like this blog a lot and I think I may have to stop by more often and read a bit more of your meanderings. The white board you took a picture of made me smile and I think it made a good logo.

It also looks as if you post in here everyday. *High five!* I have to work more on my blogging skills.

Nicely done!

~ Isa
Review 3/20
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, fellow writer! *Reading*

It is my pleasure to be reviewing your piece today. If you have any comments about this review you are welcome to email me.

Any suggestion given is my opinion only. Change what you believe in and what suits you.

*Note4* Likes *Note4*

I really, really like your writing style.

*Note5* Dislikes *Note5*

Lynn knew he had no feelings for her by the way he acted towards her.
I think you could expand this sentence and further clarify what you mean!

“That’s a nice way to wake up.” he said smirking as he shifted underneath her.
The period after up should be a comma.

He laughed just as light, “What’s gotten into you , Lynn?” he asked her as she got to his neck.
The comma after light should be a period.

Jason walked over to her, his blue boxers were the only thing clinging onto his nicely built body, concern written on his face.
You should remove the word were.

“Don’t leave, Lynn.” he said, trying to meet her eyes, but she looked down at the floor.
The period after Lynn should be a comma.

You make a few punctuation errors that should be clarified sometime -- make sure you follow the rules of dialogue.

Even though I like your writing style, often you're sort of repetitive and even a bit boring. *Frown* I think you can take out some things and clarify exactly what you're trying to say.

*Note1* Overall Impression/Final Comments *Note1*

*Bullet* My original rating was a 2.5. Thank you for a re-review request. I still think you can add to this piece -- add, perhaps, by taking some things away. Additionally, I sort of feel your piece is missing a central idea. Either focus on the getting into the relationship, or the consequences of dropping it altogether. *Smile*

Thank you for sharing your work. If you would like another review, please visit my review forum by clicking on the logo below.

May your Muse be with you!
*Cool* Isabella

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Review of Popcorn!  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, fellow writer! *Reading*

It is my pleasure to be reviewing your piece today. If you have any comments about this review you are welcome to email me.

Any suggestion given is my opinion only. Change what you believe in and what suits you.

Review: 2/20

*Note4* Likes *Note4*

I like what you're trying to get across in this poem. It's clear that you're explaining an event that has happened and you are familiar with it; of course, I think that a bit more emotion could be beneficial, but now the general form of the events is fine as well.

*Note5* Dislikes *Note5*

Ask Dad, if Mom says no.
I don't think you need the comma. I'm curious as to why you thought that the flow had to be broken. Ask Dad if Mom says no. flows just as well without the comma and I think it might even be better without.

You use punctuation in some sentences ~ and in others you don't. It is inconsistent and I think the reader starts wondering why you were doing that, instead of concentrating on the actual poem, that is. Either remove it all together, or go through and add the periods where you need them.

I think that your language is too basic here. For some reason, I feel oddly as if you're trying to give directions in an abrupt manner. If that was your purpose, why? It's kind of messy for me. *Smile*

The directions say 3-5 minutes. Set the microwave for 8.
Numbers under eleven should always be spelled out.

*Note1* Overall Impression/Final Comments *Note1*

Interesting idea. I hope that you understand where I'm coming from re: my dislikes. Apart from my comments above, I don't see much wrong with it. I could also see this as a rhyming piece, just so you know. *Smile*

Thank you for sharing your work. If you would like another review, please visit my review forum by clicking on the logo below (or just wait for my raid to finish). *Laugh*

May your Muse be with you!
*Cool* Isabella

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