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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/astericism
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7 Public Reviews Given
8 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Jade
Rated: E | (3.0)
nice...
but I think this is a little too long for an editorial piece. at points, I lost interest and drifted (sorry). I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one "out there" churring ideas for political processes. However, the format you put it in was just too confusing and broad for one piece.
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Review of Who I am  
Review by Jade
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
i like this a lot!
a few things to work on: line length. when the lines are the same length (or as close as possible) it's easier to read and the rhymes sound more in line; familiar language - works well in some parts, other times it makes the narrator look a little silly.

nice poem.
3
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Review by Jade
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
this is really cute. it makes me want to read "i want a wife." i'll have to look for it.
all the ideas are really well developed, especially the music theme throughout. this so completely describes my whole life, you wouldn't even believe it. a great representation of it. good job.
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Review by Jade
Rated: E | (3.5)
alright. I really like this poem. I know basically nothing about auto-racing and actually find it kind of boring. your poem is very touching, though. a few things you could work on: keeping your line length consistent. that makes it easier to read; the words flow better. also, it's confusing. did he die or just leave? it's sad, but i don't know why.
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