What a great story! The details and wording was wonderful and a joy to read. I really liked how you set up the story too. You introduced the main character very slyly by using the old man as a 'camera' to introduce his arrival at the town. That was really cool!
I felt at the beginning though, that Caleb was a wee bit too ritious without explanation as to why hes like that. Not even the most prestigious priest would be that heartless to just kill someone. Especially since killing is a sin (I believe? I'm an atheist so I'm not too familiar with the bible.) . What makes Caleb different? Why is he so intent on destroying the damned? I also feel that his little prayers to Sigmar were used a bit too much. I get that he would say that to the vampire, but I don't understand why he would say it to the townspeople. Does he really feel they are that condemned?
My favorite scene was with the little vampire girl. I'm not exactly sure why I liked it so much. Perhaps the creepy aspect of it? But also probably because I'm such a huge fan of dead little girls... Ok, that came out wrong... You know what I mean. ;D
Anyway, very good read. I really enjoyed it. I imagine you don't get many reviews because it's so long... If so, I sympathize with you. Same thing happens to me. Keep writing! =D
I really like what you did here in this poem! My first thought was that you were repeating yourself too much but then I realized what you were doing and thought it was brilliant. I like the images you create in the poem and the way you describe your age so subtly. I can't really find any constructive criticism to give on this, so you get a five. Great job!
I love it!! Haha, you said it was comical, and I forgot so I was compleatly surprised. You have a really well told story here and I love how you used the prompt. I envy you, I'm so bad at prompts.
Anyway, I really like how you started the story by making it seem you were going to talk about the neighbor's lawn when really it was his own. I do have a question about the birthday party though, would it be possible to sort of mention how old Andrew's kid is? Or rather hint to it later? Because later, he thinks it's a rank from one of the kids, right? But I was under the impression that the party goers were young children. Maybe you can clear that up?
Secondly, I feel that the little thought "bubbles" become a little too distracting to the story. It might be more effective if you narrate his thoughts instead.
That's about all I can say on this. Again, I loved it. I look forward to reading it again if you edit it. =)
This is a great poem and you have a lot of really good elements in this. First of all I love the image of the door. It's a really good symbolization of what the poem is about. One of the biggest things that jumped out to me was that you said "I may be dying or near death." I don't think you need to write "or near death" because for me it kind of takes away from the effect you're trying to get. I think it would be more dramatic and flow better if you just said "I may be dying." That or I think you should be less direct with what you mean. For example, on your next line you write "On the other I am whole again." I love this line!! But what makes you whole again? How does it differ from the notion of you death on the other side of the door?
My favorite line is "the horizon is a razor thin border separating the two." I absolutely love the image it creates. And the way you closed the poem was really nice how you went back to the door metaphor. Great poem overall!
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