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Review Requests: OFF
295 Public Reviews Given
295 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Still discovering it. I prefer to review only works that touch me in some way, or from writers I know want honest feedback to help improve their work, and I'm actually in a position to give it.
I'm good at...
Spotting grammar and mechanical errors... from a career as an English teacher. That said, there are those here who school me on intricacies I've never learnt about the language. Also better at reviewing stories than poetry, although it is exhausting to pick through a mistake-filled piece. I think I can give a fairly decent review on short stories, but I'm nowhere near the level of the best ones here.
Favorite Genres
Scifi, fantasy.
Least Favorite Genres
Non-fiction. Personal. Comedy.
Favorite Item Types
Static items & book entries containing stories and poems.
Least Favorite Item Types
None.
I will not review...
Haven't been asked to review something I regretted yet.
Public Reviews
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76
76
Review of Horus: Prologue  
Review by Azrael Tseng
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Hi, Tehuti, Lord Of The Eight I'm really glad I read this. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers.

These are just one person's opinions; always remember only you know what is best for your story. I've read and commented on your work as I would try to read my own. If I didn't respond to it quite the way you hope, perhaps you will find something useful in the feedback or forget about it - it's all up to you. It's your story.

Here's what I *Heart* best about "Horus: Prologue -
Your unapologetic altruism. Every writer (and in-the-making, such as myself) that I know wants to be published someday. Perhaps that's just how we accept that we're recognized and appreciated for what we do. That you've produced such excellent stories and share them willingly is more than admirable; it's inspiring. I wish I could be like that. Perhaps in time, but not yet.

That said

*BoxCheckB* 1) Plot:
Four animal-headed beings are ambushed by a horde of six winged Kana creatures while on their way across the desert heading for the Delta. They fight off the attackers but are unable to prevent two of them from fleeing, one injured and the other possibly dead. The wolf companion Khenti is sent on ahead to find 'he' who is meant to save their land? before they encounter more attackers from the Palace.

This is an effective and intriguing prologue that introduces the likely protagonists, the conflict and the quest, all while delivering a good dose of action! My only minor quibble is trying to reconcile how a horde of creatures become just six in the next paragraph.
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

*BoxCheckB* )2) Characterization:
For such a short prologue I think the four characters and the enemy are introduced really well. That they all have animal heads is intriguing enough, and imparts an unmistakable ancient Egyptian touch. Then comes the different weapons which help us identify their roles within the party - two melee and two ranged warriors, with at least one of the weapons magic. We have the brutish trash mobs that exist for the purpose of being killed and making sure our action stars don't get rusty in between boss fights, but who at least have the sense to flee when the odds are stacked against them.

I'm sure that as the story progresses we'll find out more about each character, delve deeper into their unique abilities and backstories and meet more powerful enemies. Can't wait!
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

*BoxCheckB* 3) Voice/Style:
The story is told from the perspective of an omniscient narrator and is well-maintained throughout. Plot and setting details are scrupulously given to build the flow and tension required to engage readers and keep them invested in the story. Just one minor thing...

and this is a purely a personal preference, so feel free to ignore it. I loved your battle scene, and the use of continuous tense to keep the momentum flowing. I also happen to play a lot of strategy/action/RPG fantasy games or in medieval settings, and one thing I know is more realistic is having the ranged character shoot the moment the enemy comes in range and the chance of hitting is high enough. Waiting till the last moment to attack is a defensive tactic used by melee characters. Making a change for realism might mean losing some of the well-worked flow and rhythm of the passage though, so you may not want to disrupt that. Perhaps in a future battle scene though? I love reading about positional and timing tactics used in the mayhem of battle, but I totally understand if storytellers don't see that as important.
*Star**Star**Star**Star**HalfStar*

*BoxCheckB* 4) Setting:
A desert, floodplains, delta, palace - everything is pointedly Egyptian and the descriptions are really well-wrought. Some of my favorites are -

their horns spiraling upward in a vain attempt to scratch the sky.
the last of the light had drained from the sky, leaving it black and speckled with stars.
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

*BoxCheckB* 5) Grammar & Diction:
I spotted no mistakes that could not be construed as deliberate stylistic choices.
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*


FINAL THOUGHTS
I really enjoyed this prologue. Not since Rick Riordan have I been interested in picking up something about Egyptian mythology and fantasy woven together (and he got so formulaic and stale). Looking forward to reading the next part!

Thanks for a great read!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
77
77
Review by Azrael Tseng
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

Hi, 🌕 HuntersMoon I'm really glad I read this. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers.

These are just one person's opinions; always remember only you know what is best for your story. I've read and commented on your work as I would try to read my own. If I didn't respond to it quite the way you hope, perhaps you will find something useful in the feedback or forget about it - it's all up to you. It's your story.

Here's what I *Heart* best about "Show, Don't Tell ... -
The positive message that links a basic ethics class to the arbitrary discrimination we witness in various forms and guises in the world today. It's a message that needs to be told and retold. Taiwan just legalized same-sex marriage, but how many countries still need to acknowledge that people who deviate from the majority should not be criminalized for their differences? In Singapore, we still have the notorious Article 377A that prohibits homosexual relations, and the government actively dissuades corporations from supporting the LGBTQ movement in the country, despite claiming to be welcoming of all.

*BoxCheckB* 1) Plot:
Professor Jonathon Spellman arrives for his Ethics 101 lecture troubled by some secret he is keeping. During his lecture he is interrupted by some students who are sharing a private photo of the professor and his partner in an intimate act. Instead of crumbling in shame and embarrassment, the professor uses the photo to punch home his lesson on applied ethics, by making his students apply their own ethical judgement on the situation he lays out clearly for them. He receives a standing ovation for what he does, and this gives his courage to face the backlash he expects for his actions.

I usually prefer more action or tension in my stories, but the drama in this kept me riveted till the end!
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

*BoxCheckB* )2) Characterization:
Popularity is the soul of tenure - I love this creative line! The wit of it is so completely 🌕 HuntersMoon, and it suits the character of Professor Spellman well.
The professor is smart, collected beyond belief, amazing at teaching what he does so much so that I feel aggrieved that he did not feel insulted by Shaw's quote. This is one professor I wish I had when I was a student.
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

*BoxCheckB* 3) Voice/Style:
The story is told through the third-person limited perspective of Professor Jonathon Spellman, and maintained consistently throughout. The little moments of italicized thoughts add depth and flavor to his character, and are very well used.
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

*BoxCheckB* 4) Setting:
Since this is a character-centered drama, the setting does not need to be focused on. Even so, I think you more than did the background setting justice. I really love the description you used for the lecture hall the rows of seats climbing into the shadows. Other little details such as the placard before the entrance and the setting up of the sound system, as well as how the professor feels about the place.
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

*BoxCheckB* 5) Grammar & Diction:
Perfect grammar and spelling, as one expects!
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

FINAL THOUGHTS
I thought it started off a little slow than I sometimes like, but once the story takes off I got completely embroiled in it. This is not a pulse-pounding thriller, but a thought-provoking emotional triumph in the vein of 'Dead Poet's Society'. Thanks for a great read!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
78
78
Review by Azrael Tseng
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi L.M.

I'm glad I read this work of yours. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work {item: on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers.

*StarB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Erm, why are there 4 poems listed as one item? Are they connected somehow - like 4 different parts that combine into a larger work? If not, they really need to be presented as individual items.

I shall review and comment on the first poem here, so that you can move the other poems into separate static items or book entries (see * below) and the rating given here can accurately reflect a single work. Ratings can be given for a collection as well, but these should ideally be in a folder.

I am happy to review and comment on the other three poems here after they are moved into proper static item slots or book entries.

*Star* Creativity/Impact:
'My pages' - I like the structure you used. Is it an original one you created? I'm not an expert on poetry forms so it may simply be one I'm not familiar with but I like the repeated refrain (like a ghazal), as well as the lengthening stanzas. It provides a nice contrast to the theme, by suggesting how the persona's thoughts get more and more embroiled in someone he/she can't forget, the more he/she tries to.

The pages are an apt and effective metaphor for the chapters of life.

*StarG* Message/Theme:
The persona cannot forget someone who has been so much a part of his/her life.

*StarR* Technique/Technical Notes:
These are just my thoughts and observations. I may not have read the work the way you intended. Please decide for yourself if these comments are helpful to you; if not, feel free to disregard them.

*BulletB* Title - The title is the first thing that prospective readers will see. I like the title you chose, which gives it an intimate feel. However upon reading the poem itself, I wonder if 'Pages of Thee' might not be more appropriate, since the poem really is about the loved one who's left?

*BulletG* Grammar/Wording - I noticed nothing that jarred or confounded the reading. This is always a sign of good writing.

As I already mentioned, I love your refrain. It might have more impact if you pare away unnecessary words though. Instead of using 'because' which adds two syllables that contribute little to the impact of the line, would you consider using a dash '- All my pages are full of thee.' The dash can be inserted in the previous line if needed, or even omitted completely in some cases. This also allows the first and third line of the first stanza to have matching meters (4 iambic feet, and 2 trochaic plus 2 iambic feet for another 4 feet).

*BulletR* Form/Flow -
Since you are using a structured form with a rhyme scheme, a matching or regular meter helps reinforce the structured feel. The meters are haphazard e.g. the first stanza has 8 syllables, followed by 11, ending with 10.

Free verse requires no such metric scheme and instead thrives on the chaotic energy and freedom of ragged lines. I think that the second and third stanzas work well in free verse, to show the growing entropy within the persona as he/she dwells on the memories of 'thee'.

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery -
Love is the most written about subject in poetry - the discovery of it, the living through and the loss. The phrase ' prisoner of these pages' is a powerful one, that reflects our inability to escape our own stories, as well as the persona's inability to escape the memories of a life shared and entwined with 'thee'.

*StarBr* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
This is an inventive and personal poem about a lost love.
*Star**Star**Star**Star**HalfStar*
Thank you for a wonderful read!

* I strongly recommend that you get an upgraded membership, so you get to create a book for all these short poem entries. An example from my own portfolio is "Invalid Item(it only has two entries now, but there'll be more!).
Even a basic membership will allow you to create a folder for all your poetry, like this one I use for my poems. "Starburst Gallery

Not many people will review a single static item with more than one poem or story on it. It is difficult to give a fair rating for each, and one will have to comment on not one, but four poems in one review (in this particular case).


Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Azrael


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
79
79
Review of By His Will ...  
Review by Azrael Tseng
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, 🌕 HuntersMoon I'm really glad I read this. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers.

These are just one person's opinions; always remember only you know what is best for your story. I've read and commented on your work as I would try to read my own. If I didn't respond to it quite the way you hope, perhaps you will find something useful in the feedback or forget about it - it's all up to you. It's your story.

Here's what I *Heart* best about "By His Will ... -
Being inside the mind of Lucifer! And all the sly political digs, especially 'one of my own elected President of the most powerful nation in the world!' *Rolling*


These are just some observations and suggestions. Please feel free to use them or ignore them as you wish. Your words are in pink, my suggestions and impressions are in blue.

*BoxCheckB* 1) Plot:
Lucifer studies a report of his head-to-head record against God, and comes to the conclusion that he needs a son to rival his eternal adversary. He chooses Angela, his faithful assistant/secretary to bear his child, unaware that she is actually working for the other side. Angela Marie, or rather the angel Maria, goes home and prays/reports to God. She obediently vows to raise Lucifer's child to be a force for good by having him schooled by Nuns, and reveals how she was Eve, Mary the mother of Jesus, and now the mother-to-be of Lucifer's son.
*Star**Star**Star**Star**HalfStar*

*BoxCheckB* )2) Characterization:
Both Lucifer and Angela are well-portrayed. They are interesting caricatures used as vehicles of satirical humor rather than actual characters a reader is supposed to identify with. Between the two, Angela stands out a bit more because of the revelation about her involvement throughout the entirety of Man's history.
*Star**Star**Star**HalfStar*

*BoxCheckB* 3) Voice/Style:
The story initially begins with the third-person limited perspective of Lucifer, but switches after the opening scene to either Angela's or an omniscient narrator's perspective.

The trademark Huntersmoon brand of irreverent and witty humor is liberally doled out here.
*Star**Star**Star**Star**HalfStar*

*BoxCheckB* 4) Setting:
The opening paragraph has some beautifully-worded descriptions. It is hard to get a sense that it's New York City, even though it's stated that this is the story setting. Perhaps a more iconic landmark can be glimpsed from Lucifer's windows? Or some more commentary more pertinent to New York's character on top of a political one that pertains to all of America?
*Star**Star**Star**Star*

*BoxCheckB* 5) Grammar & Diction:
Flawless, as one would expect from the great 🌕 HuntersMoon!
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*


This is only my humble opinion and given in the spirit of constructive criticism, not to discourage! But here's what would get this a higher rating from me -
Everything you put into this short word-limited piece reflects your stylistic choice, so this is simply my preference rather than objective feedback that will improve the work. I would have really really liked a more complex Lucifer.

FINAL THOUGHTS
This is a story with a good twist that pokes fun at the state of current world affairs with an inimitable brand of humor.

Thanks for a great read!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
80
80
Review by Azrael Tseng
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

Hi, Christopher Roy Denton I'm really glad I read this. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers.

These are just one person's opinions; always remember only you know what is best for your story. I've read and commented on your work as I would try to read my own. If I didn't respond to it quite the way you hope, perhaps you will find something useful in the feedback or forget about it - it's all up to you. It's your story.

Here's what I *Heart* best about "The Presidential Press Briefing -
OMG. I haven't had such a fun read in a long time! That's the thing for me - this story had the perfect blend of camp (a la Mars Attacks!), engaging characters, and an adrenaline-pumping plot twist to wrap everything up. I'd say this is a shoo-in for any contest you submit it for, (but I can't or I'd intimidate the judges...) *RollEyes*

*BoxCheckB* 1) Plot:
Chris Burke gets invited to a presidential press briefing, and he is excited because this seems to gives ufology the presidential stamp of approval and press credibility. Instead of affirming the existence of aliens on the planet, the female president declares it a hoax despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary in true Trump-style. More and more evidence is presented but the president dismisses all of them, even insulting all the journalists and high-ranking government officials who present them to her. Then when she is relieved of her command by the general, it becomes a free-firing fiasco as aliens, Marines and the Secret Service shoot it out. The aliens win, of course, since they have those bubble things. The story ends with the president reminiscing and suggesting a recap of her tryst with Burke twenty years ago.

Well it's a crazy story but crazy fun to read and laugh through!
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

*BoxCheckB* )2) Characterization:
The characters of Chris and the non-conformist President both stand out really well. Chris's trauma, his altered viewpoint all help to deliver his 'obsessed-with-aliens' Casse from Independence Day personality.
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

*BoxCheckB* 3) Voice/Style:
The story is told from the third-person limited perspective of Chris Burke, and perfectly maintained from start to finish. It is an excellent choice of perspective as well, as it helps to create the suspense from not knowing the President's identity until the very end. You should enter this into Max's contest too!
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

*BoxCheckB* 4) Setting:
A near future setting in the US when Trump is no longer President but a female ALIEN is in power? LOL that is so ironic and wrong on so many levels I can hear every bone in my body laughing!
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

*BoxCheckB* 5) Grammar & Diction:
Perfect as always. I think you just missed out a closed inverted commas after live from each of these locations.
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*


There's absolutely nothing I would change about this work. It's fantastic!

FINAL THOUGHTS
This was the best thing that happened to me today, and on a Friday too!

Thanks for a great read!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
81
81
Review by Azrael Tseng
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Hi, Ben Langhinrichs I'm really glad I read this. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers.

These are just one person's opinions; always remember only you know what is best for your story. I've read and commented on your work as I would try to read my own. If I didn't respond to it quite the way you hope, perhaps you will find something useful in the feedback or forget about it - it's all up to you. It's your story.

Here's what I *Heart* best about "I Think, Therefore I Amputate -
What an epic showdown between a teen werewolf and a hydra! It's the first I've ever read between two such monsters, and the best thing is that it's not just a battle of brawn and ferocity, but of wits and human ingenuity as well. Good thing Leon was working for a hardware store and not Chuck E. Cheese anymore, or the whole battle would have turned out quite differently, huh?

*BoxCheckB* 1) Plot:
Leon goes hunting in the woods as a werewolf during a full moon and comes across a hydra, aka snake steak. He springs a surprise attack on it, but is foiled by the hydra's mythical ability to regrow its heads instantaneously. It takes a strategic retreat to a car, several boxes of hardware tools and equipment, and a whole lot of cleverness to finally defeat the beast, although there would be no mythical steak to enjoy since the moon has already set by then.
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

*BoxCheckB* )2) Characterization:
Leon is both typical and atypical teenager. He has teenage lusts and temperament, but he's a werewolf! I love how his true identity is subtly hinted at throughout the story instead of simply being stated. I also love how both sides of his were-ness is so well exhibited - his beastly bloodlust and hunger, and his human intellect and learning. Both play an important part in his eventual triumph over the hydra.
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

*BoxCheckB* 3) Voice/Style:
The story is told from the third-person limited perspective of Leon, and is consistently maintained throughout with no discernible slips in the narrative. It is also the best choice of perspective to use for the story.
*Star**Star**Star**Star*

*BoxCheckB* 4) Setting:
A small town, a camping lodge, a lake, forest and hills - there is almost a certain kind of balance in how the story transitions from civilisation to nature and back again, mirroring Leon's transformation from human to wolf and back. The descriptions of the setting are effective in helping to foreground the action, without attracting too much attention to themselves.
*Star**Star**Star**Star**HalfStar*

*BoxCheckB* 5) Grammar & Diction:
These are just some observations and suggestions. Please feel free to use them or ignore them as you wish. Your words are in pink, my suggestions and impressions are in blue.
There were no mistakes in the language or punctuation that I spotted. A clean write is always the mark of a good writer!
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*


FINAL THOUGHTS This is an excellent story from an excellent writer. There's absolutely nothing I would change about this work. It's fantastic!



Thanks for a great read!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
82
82
Review of Anime Hamster  
Review by Azrael Tseng
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

Hi, Christopher Roy Denton I'm really glad I read this. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers.

These are just one person's opinions; always remember only you know what is best for your story. I've read and commented on your work as I would try to read my own. If I didn't respond to it quite the way you hope, perhaps you will find something useful in the feedback or forget about it - it's all up to you. It's your story.

Here's what I *Heart* best about "Anime Hamster -
The geekiness of it all! Did you actually do research for this story, or are you actually the real Chris Singleton? Cos this story screamed Geek Pride!

*BoxCheckB* 1) Plot:
Chris is the archetypal nice-guy geek who stands up for someone else being bullied by the big bad jock. Instead of beating him up, Daniels actually sets himself up to be the butt of the joke by making a bet with Chris - either Chris gets himself a girlfriend by the end of the month and makes Daniels eat his own jockstrap, or make his life become 'one big wedgie and swirly Hell'

This premise uses the old premise of geeks being unattractive and socially inept, which Chris actually isn't. I would have liked to see Chris getting a girlfriend through some other way than simply being nice. Or if geekiness is the deciding factor here, maybe have him pass a series of tests to be certified a true-blue geek in order to date the Queen of Geek (something similar to Scott Pilgrim?).

Anyway Chris gets the girl, because as 'There's Something About Mary' told us decades ago, the way to the girl's heart is through the brother!
*Star**Star**Star*

*BoxCheckB* )2) Characterization:
Chris and Mary are the two characters who are fleshed out most. They have similar interests, are both big fans of a certain author/artist's 'Harry the Hamster' and Banksy, but are otherwise simply nice, normal people. Both are characterized by their interests and general amicability, revealed through their actions and dialogue.
*Star**Star**Star**Star*

*BoxCheckB* 3) Voice/Style:
I think the story is told from the perspective of Chris, or maybe an omniscient narrator? It is well maintained, with nothing that shouts a departure from the chosen voice.
*Star**Star**Star**Star*

*BoxCheckB* 4) Setting:
High school, sports fields with bullying jocks and bullied nerds/geeks. Just your usual Peter Parker with Spidey powers story, right? Well, in this case, there are no radioactive spiders in the science lab, just an anonymous specimen that heralds Chris' rejection by Miriam.
The art room is the focal location, and is described mostly through the dialogue and responses of Chris and Mary.
*Star**Star**Star**HalfStar*

*BoxCheckB* 5) Grammar & Diction:
Flawless language as usual!
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*


This is only my humble opinion and given in the spirit of constructive criticism, not to discourage! But here's what would get this a higher rating from me -
A less typical plot and characters, or a more surprising development in how the story unfolds. We all root for the little guy, the geek, the underdog, but I'm greedy - I want a bigger twist in the story! *GoLucky*

FINAL THOUGHTS
This is a neat story, impeccably told as usual by a master storyteller, with some humorous digs at his own achievements!

Thanks for a great read!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
83
83
Review by Azrael Tseng
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Hi Nanapockets

I'm glad I read this work of yours. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "A Little Witch Who Wanted To Fly on behalf of "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP.

*StarB* First Impression/Thoughts:
This is a cute and entertaining poem about a little witch who wants to fly.

*Star* Creativity/Impact:
The humorous twist in the last line helps lift his poem a level up.

*StarG* Message/Theme:
If you can't fly to the ball, there's always the cab!

*StarR* Technique/Technical Notes:
These are just my thoughts and observations. I may not have read the work the way you intended. Please decide for yourself if these comments are helpful to you; if not, feel free to disregard them.

*BulletB* Title - The title is the first thing that prospective readers will see. The title says clearly what the poem is about.

*BulletG* Grammar/Wording - I noticed nothing that jarred or confounded the reading. This is always a sign of good writing.
In the first stanza, 'fly' is repeated Really wanted to fly. and She just could not fly.. Would it be better to find another word to rhyme with 'fly' here?

*BulletR* Form/Flow - This poem uses four quartrains with the rhyme scheme abcb. Only full rhymes are used.

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery - The second stanza that shows how hard she practiced and tried was the most inspirational and moving for me.

*StarBr* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts: I would really like this poem to be longer, and read about a complication or two in this little witch's quest to learn how to fly!
*Star**Star**Star**Star*
Thank you for a wonderful read!


Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Azrael


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
84
84
Review of Modern Woman  
Review by Azrael Tseng
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Hi susanL

I'm glad I read this work of yours. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Modern Woman on behalf of "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP.

*StarB* First Impression/Thoughts:
This is a cleverly-structured poem that both celebrates and questions the victory of the modern woman.

*Star* Creativity/Impact:
Feminism has been at the forefront of human issues for centuries now, and continues to be. This poem questions the identity of the modern woman, and the progress that has been made in the name of women's rights.

*StarG* Message/Theme:
What exactly is the place and identity of the modern woman? This poem questions, and would be spectacular if it posed some answers of its own.

*StarR* Technique/Technical Notes:
These are just my thoughts and observations. I may not have read the work the way you intended. Please decide for yourself if these comments are helpful to you; if not, feel free to disregard them.

*BulletB* Title - The title is the first thing that prospective readers will see. The title 'Modern Woman' is apt, and clearly outlines the main subject of the poem.

*BulletG* Grammar/Wording - I noticed nothing that jarred or confounded the reading. This is always a sign of good writing.

*BulletR* Form/Flow - This poem comprises six stanzas of three lines each, with a rhyming couplet followed by a disjunctive line on its own. This creates an appropriate dissonant effect that complements the purpose of the line - which is to call into question the previous two lines.

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery - Lots of ideas and just a couple of images - my favorite is bend // To the infant whims of the men

*StarBr* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts: A great inventive structure that can be a great vehicle for a deep and searching treatise on what feminism has achieved.
*Star**Star**Star**Star*
Thank you for a wonderful read!


Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Azrael


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
85
85
Review by Azrael Tseng
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Hi Dr M C Gupta

I'm glad I read this work of yours. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "WHO ARE YOU, YOUNG MAN, JUST THINK on behalf of "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP.

*StarB* First Impression/Thoughts:
This is a poem about wisdom and consideration for others.

*Star* Creativity/Impact:
This poem makes use of am interesting structure to deliver its pearls of wisdom.

*StarG* Message/Theme:
Why hurt and harm, when you can help and heal? Why rob and deny, when you can beautify?

*StarR* Technique/Technical Notes:
These are just my thoughts and observations. I may not have read the work the way you intended. Please decide for yourself if these comments are helpful to you; if not, feel free to disregard them.

*BulletB* Title - The title is the first thing that prospective readers will see. I'm not a feminist, but I can certainly see one picking on your title for excluding more than half of the readers for whom this poem is actually relevant. Would you consider a less patriarchal tone, and adopt a more universally-friendly Yoda-like rephrase - Who are you, young one, just think instead?

*BulletG* Grammar/Wording - I noticed nothing that jarred or confounded the reading. This is always a sign of good writing.

The humanity suffers. - This is a somewhat awkward phrase. Would you consider changing it to All humanity suffers instead?

*BulletR* Form/Flow - As stated at the end, this poem follows a strict structure of 7 syllables per line arranged in four quartrains with the rhyme scheme abcb.

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery - I particularly like the last stanza where a criticism is juxtaposed with a suggestion for an better alternative.

*StarBr* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts: A very relevant poem in these troubled times. We need more people to read this!
*Star**Star**Star**Star*
Thank you for a wonderful read!


Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Azrael


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
86
86
Review of Window  
Review by Azrael Tseng
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Hi Zelphyr

I'm glad I read this work of yours. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Window on behalf of "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP.

*StarB* First Impression/Thoughts:
A neat little poem about missed opportunities, because we don't dare to step through.

*Star* Creativity/Impact:
A window is a very appropriate metaphor/conceit to use for opportunities that come our way. The idea is developed well, by using the different ways of going through a window as an analogy for how we make use of those opportunities.

*StarG* Message/Theme:
Opportunities in life are like windows, and we handle those in different ways.

*StarR* Technique/Technical Notes:
These are just my thoughts and observations. I may not have read the work the way you intended. Please decide for yourself if these comments are helpful to you; if not, feel free to disregard them.

*BulletB* Title - The title is the first thing that prospective readers will see. The title 'Window' describes the poem well, and is both simple and stylish.

*BulletG* Grammar/Wording - I noticed nothing that jarred or confounded the reading. This is always a sign of good writing.

*BulletR* Form/Flow - This poem is written in free verse and does not follow any set rhyme or meter scheme.

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery - I particularly enjoyed this line that captured well how it's never quite that easy, even if you get that opportunity
who chip away the bits of paint
that sit as glue on the pane


*StarBr* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts: I enjoyed this poem very much. It would be nice to further explore why a window is a better comparison than a door, which is usually used to represent life's opportunities.
*Star**Star**Star**Star*
Thank you for a wonderful read!


Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Azrael


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
87
87
Review by Azrael Tseng
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Hi Tim Chiu

I'm glad I read this work of yours. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "A Time for Kindness on behalf of "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP.

*StarB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Your short description already primes the reader for what to expect, and upon reading one is rewarded with an uplifting piece of work that promotes kindness and positivity. A very noble effort indeed!

*Star* Creativity/Impact:
This is the best way I can think of to combat all those negative reviews this poem is responding to - to meet hostility with civility, cruelty with kindness. To show that one can always choose the better path.

*StarG* Message/Theme:
Even when things get really bad and everyone around is making it worse, we can still choose to spread goodwill, kindness, positivity, and all kinds of goodness to counter.

*StarR* Technique/Technical Notes:
These are just my thoughts and observations. I may not have read the work the way you intended. Please decide for yourself if these comments are helpful to you; if not, feel free to disregard them.

*BulletB* Title - The title is the first thing that prospective readers will see. Your title is not only appropriate but has a timeless appeal to it.

*BulletG* Grammar/Wording - I noticed nothing that jarred or confounded the reading. This is always a sign of good writing.

*BulletR* Form/Flow - I'm no expert on form and I notice that you've chosen free verse to express yourself here.

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery - Techniques such as alliteration contribute to delivering your message effectively.

*StarBr* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts: Who can diss a poem that tries to bring out the best in us?
*Star**Star**Star**Star**HalfStar*
Thank you for a wonderful read!


Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Azrael


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
88
88
Review of The Party's Over  
Review by Azrael Tseng
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Hi, Writer_Mike I'm really glad I read this. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work on behalf of "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP. Here's what I *Heart* about "The Party's Over -

1) Not everyone celebrates birthdays, and there are some days when we just can't bring ourselves to celebrate. How can we rejoice when we know that those near us are suffering? I'm sure that's how you felt when you turned on that TV.

2) I love how you ended the really short anecdote with a scene that will live in our collective memories forever. It fits the title perfectly - the party's over, if there was one to begin with.

3) Hopefully since that particular year, you've had both reason and people to celebrate your birthday with. Even in our darkest moments of despair, hope will find some way to emerge!

There's absolutely nothing I would change about this piece. It's a wonderful read!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
89
89
Review of Heaven of freedom  
Review by Azrael Tseng
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Hi jaya

I'm glad I read this work of yours. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Heaven of freedom on behalf of "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP.

*StarB* First Impression/Thoughts: This is a poem that has a very simple statement to make, and chooses a simple yet effective technique to do it.

*Star* Creativity/Impact: I like the central message of the poem, which is a criticism of certain unappealing aspects of society.

*StarG* Message/Theme:
We are birds that are caged by irrationality and selfishness, and need God's help to set us all free.

*StarR* Technique/Technical Notes:
These are just my thoughts and observations. I may not have read the work the way you intended. Please decide for yourself if these comments are helpful to you; if not, feel free to disregard them.

*BulletB* Title - The title is the first thing that prospective readers will see.

*BulletG* Grammar/Wording - I noticed nothing that jarred or confounded the reading. This is always a sign of good writing.

*BulletR* Form/Flow - The poem uses stanzas of four unrhymed lines each, that have a certain blend of order and freedom. The lines flow into each other to give a sense of continuity.

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery - The central image is that of humans as caged birds yearning to be set free from our earthly prisons. There is probably nothing more suitable than using birds to symbolize freedom.

*StarBr* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts: This is a neat poem that makes good use of a central conceit to convey its message.
*Star**Star**Star**Star*
Thank you for a wonderful read!


Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Azrael


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
90
90
Review of Tomorrow's Child  
Review by Azrael Tseng
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Hi percy goodfellow

I'm glad I read this work of yours. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Tomorrow's Child on behalf of "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP.

*StarB* First Impression/Thoughts:
This is a very meaningful poem that is well-crafted and resonant.

*Star* Creativity/Impact:
Using the metaphor of a child to symbolize our collective future is an excellent choice!

*StarG* Message/Theme:
In a dark world descending even deeper into the shadows, how will the future unfold for our children?

*StarR* Technique/Technical Notes:
These are just my thoughts and observations. I may not have read the work the way you intended. Please decide for yourself if these comments are helpful to you; if not, feel free to disregard them.

*BulletB* Title - The title is the first thing that prospective readers will see. I love how you use the word 'Tomorrow' together with 'child', seeing as how we always view children as the future. It fits the poem very well.

*BulletG* Grammar/Wording - I noticed nothing that jarred or confounded the reading. This is always a sign of good writing. You chose all your words carefully to fit the rhyme and meter, and to convey the nuance you intend. Excellent skill indeed!

*BulletR* Form/Flow - The poem starts off with something similar to epic verse with a rhyme scheme of abcb then becomes a series of questions. All stanzas are quartrains. I'm no expert on form, but I really like the change to questions towards the end.

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery - The words are laden with nuance and imagery. My favorite line is Will fallen grace resume its place // and rescue right from wrong? for personal reasons, as I am writing something similar to that.

*StarBr* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts: This is a thought-provoking and excellent poem. There's nothing I would change about it.
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*
Thank you for a wonderful read!


Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Azrael


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
91
91
Review of Just One Chance  
Review by Azrael Tseng
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Hi, Beyond the Cloud9 I'm really glad I read this. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers.

These are just one person's opinions; always remember only you know what is best for your story. I've read and commented on your work as I would try to read my own. If I didn't respond to it quite the way you hope, perhaps you will find something useful in the feedback or forget about it - it's all up to you. It's your story.

Here's what I *Heart* best about "Just One Chance -


*BoxCheckB* 1) Plot:
Todd has a twisted foot birth deformity that makes him unable to run as well as others. He loves baseball but doesn't get a chance to play on a team until Sammy comes along. Sammy teaches him well, and gives him the chance to play one day. Todd makes a movie-worthy catch to win the game.

This is the underdog's path to success story that has been told through countless movie iterations because we never quite get tired of being told that dreams do come true.
*Star**Star**Star**HalfStar*

*BoxCheckB* )2) Characterization:
Both Todd and Sammy are made quite believable through good dialogue. There is sufficient individual background and physical detail that fleshes them out as people rather than stereotypes.

Some information or suggestion about Sammy's motivation for helping Todd e.g. is he just an all-round nice guy because of his genes, his need for everyone's approval, someone was once kind to him too etc. would really help to reinforce him as character. Todd's abrupt decision to choose that day to stand up for himself can also be explained better.
*Star**Star**Star**HalfStar*

*BoxCheckB* 3) Voice/Style:
Excellent mix of dialogue and well-woven descriptions that kept the story moving along nicely. I would have preferred a more chronological progression, so that we focus on Sammy and Todd's relationship at the beginning instead of midway through the story. Flashbacks work for some types of stories, and I'm not sure this is one of those.
*Star**Star**Star**Star**HalfStar*

*BoxCheckB* 4) Setting:
Your excellent language manages to imbue the story with an exciting atmosphere. Other than a brief mention of New York and Texas, there is little detail or description about the physical setting beyond the odd dandelion patch.
*Star**Star**Star**Star*

*BoxCheckB* 5) Grammar & Diction:
Really good language and a clean write as far as I can tell. This is always the sign of a good writer. Plenty of subtly well-crafted lines and phrases, such as As Sammy threw the ball, he also threw out pointers
Just one very minor quibble, which may well be a stylistic choice.
obvious birth defect, made the others - would you consider removing the comma?
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

This is only my humble opinion and given in the spirit of constructive criticism, not to discourage! But here's what would get this a higher rating from me -

1) More focus on developing the relationship between Todd and Sammy so that the betrayal is felt more deeply by the reader, and the subsequent opportunity has a stronger emotional impact as well.

This was a really good story. Thanks for a great read!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
92
92
Review by Azrael Tseng
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Hi, ShiShad I'm really glad I read this. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work on behalf of "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP. Here's what I *Heart* about "Finding The Right Publisher For Me -

1) Like you, I aspire to publish a collection of my best pieces here on WDC, and have also been scouring WDC for advice and information about publishing my 2 1/2 novels. I've checked out Lulu.com's website and was attracted to them, but I really wanted some kind of feedback that wasn't a marketing spiel to get a better understanding of how it works, and what it entails.

I think this article you've written covers everything I want to know about using Lulu.com's self-publishing service. I really can't thank you enough for sharing this!


There's absolutely nothing I would change about this piece. It's a wonderful read!

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
93
93
Review of Why do you write?  
Review by Azrael Tseng
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)

Hi, A thinker never sleeps I'm really glad I read this. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work on behalf of "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP. Here's what I *Heart* about "Why do you write? -

1) This is a poll for members of WDC to share the biggest reason or motivation behind why they write. There are five options available to select from - for self-expression or to share opinions, to escape reality, just for fun, for $$$ or for some other reason not specified in the poll.

2) Once again, I find myself in the overwhelming majority for this poll. This simply tells me that WDC is definitely my home, with many other like-minded writers like myself! I'm certainly impressed by the number of votes you managed to get on this poll. It has the most overwhelming response I've seen in the few polls I've tried so far.

I do wonder, however, if you split option 1 how the results will change?

That might be the only thing I would change about this piece. It's a wonderful activity!

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94
94
Review by Azrael Tseng
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

Hi, spidey I'm really glad I read this. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work on behalf of "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP. Here's what I *Heart* about "The Ultimate Horror -

1) This is a poll created for users of WDC to express which kind of horror they enjoy reading the most. There are five options that reflect the major kinds of horror - ghosts/supernatural, thriller/suspense, monsters, human evil, and natural disasters.

2) I was surprised by how few people enjoy disaster horror, considering how well such stories do at the movies. However that could be because there's usually a blend of other elements, such as human drama and evil in those movies as well.

3) The categories chosen are well-defined. I would have liked more options, or even the possibility to choose more than one, by perhaps including hybrid choices?

Other than that, there's absolutely nothing I would change about this piece. It's a wonderful activity!

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95
95
Review by Azrael Tseng
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Hi, sybarrios I'm really glad I read this. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work on behalf of "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP. Here's what I *Heart* about "Location! Location! Location! -

1) This is a poll to ask WDC users where they love to do their writing. I think it's great that you give so many options to choose from. It may be possible that someone's preference is too idiosyncratic to be reflected here, but I personally think the range of options covers pretty much everything. This is especially when you have option 7, I am stranger than most and my location for writing is not listed. which will pretty take care of anyone who doesn't fit into the other options!

2) I also like how you add a personal touch to the phrasing of each option, e.g. curled like a cat, coffee nearby etc.

I did spot a tiny typo where 'coffee' is spelled as coffe, but other than that there's nothing I would change about this piece. It's a wonderful activity!

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96
96
Review by Azrael Tseng
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Hi, ♫~ Kenword~♫ I'm really glad I read this. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work on behalf of "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP. Here's what I *Heart* about "Well Watered Gardens -

1) The perfect rhyme scheme. Except for the ending couplet which uses sight rhyme, everything else uses full rhymes. This imparts a sense of consistency and stability to the mood of the poem, and becomes associated as the character traits of Lily.

2)Beautiful nature imagery. The poem is lush with color and life. My favorite line is Adorned in cranberry, gold, purple and red.


There's absolutely nothing I would change about this piece. It's a wonderful read!

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
97
97
Review of Out Of Place  
Review by Azrael Tseng
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Hi, Angus I'm really glad I read this. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work on behalf of "The Rockin' Reviewers.

These are just one person's opinions; always remember only you know what is best for your story. I've read and commented on your work as I would try to read my own. If I didn't respond to it quite the way you hope, perhaps you will find something useful in the feedback or forget about it - it's all up to you. It's your story.

Here's what I *Heart* best about "Out Of Place -


*BoxCheckB* 1) Plot:
An unidentified narrator finds himself disappearing in alternation with the world around him, in a Kafka-esque manner.

There isn't really a build-up to a climax, since this is more of a vignette of a semi-out-of-body experience than a typical narrative. The twist before the resolution is very clever though. I do wonder why the color green was chosen though. It sent echoes of 'The Matrix' ringing through my mind.

Do I seem to detect a recent devastating illness inspiring this very creative piece? *Smile*
*Star**Star**Star**Star**HalfStar*

*BoxCheckB* )2) Characterization:
The narrator isn't defined by some outstanding trait but rather by the unusual situation he finds himself in. There are some neat little touches, such as the hangnail that make him so much more believable as a real person, and impart an everyman kind of status to him.
*Star**Star**Star**Star**HalfStar*

*BoxCheckB* 3) Voice/Style:
The time entries are a brilliant touch, adding a sense of urgency to the confusing condition that afflicts the narrator. The choice of using a first-person limited perspective is also an excellent stylistic decision.
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

*BoxCheckB* 4) Setting:
This could be anywhere, which complements the choice of an unidentified narrator well. I'm sure you must have read 'Metamorphosis' before, and there is a similar surreal yet gritty quality about the entire story that forces a comparison.
*Star**Star**Star**Star*

*BoxCheckB* 5) Grammar & Diction:
No mistakes at all that I spotted. This is always the mark of a good writer.
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*


This is only my humble opinion and given in the spirit of constructive criticism, not to discourage! But here's what would get this a higher rating from me -

Perhaps a slightly more detailed setting, although that would really be nitpicking on the wonderful story this short but whimsically moving piece is.

Thanks for a great read!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
98
98
Review of LINES  
Review by Azrael Tseng
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Hi Samberine Everose

I'm glad I read this work of yours. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "LINES on behalf of "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP.

*StarB* First Impression/Thoughts:
The striking form of the poem immediately drew my attention. I thought it looked like an anchor, or maybe even a face. Whatever it's supposed to be, I had fun just trying to make something of it.

*Star* Creativity/Impact:
I love how you arranged the lines to create such a powerful visual impact.

*StarG* Message/Theme:
This poem is about a writer up late at night questioning the craft and act of writing. Wondering why to continue writing, but still continuing.

*StarR* Technique/Technical Notes:
These are just my thoughts and observations. I may not have read the work the way you intended. Please decide for yourself if these comments are helpful to you; if not, feel free to disregard them.

*BulletB* Title - The title is the first thing that prospective readers will see. The title of LINES in boldface fits the poem perfectly.

*BulletG* Grammar/Wording - I noticed nothing that jarred or confounded the reading. This is always a sign of good writing.

*BulletR* Form/Flow - This is a unique and really outstanding form you've created for your poem. It's no wonder it was chosen for the anthology!

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery - The use of alliteration in nostalgic nocturne creates quite a standout phrase. So does the personification of the dancing pencil.

*StarBr* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star* This poem reminded me of how much a visual form poetry is - an element I often forget to utilize. Thank you for a wonderful read!


Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Azrael


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
99
99
Review of I'm mad  
Review by Azrael Tseng
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Hi River

I'm glad I read this work of yours. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "I'm mad on behalf of "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP.

*StarB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Who doesn't hate snow? *BigSmile* This is a neat little poem about having to shovel snow, which is the only worse than having to trudge through it.

*Star* Creativity/Impact:
You managed to capture your frustration and experience in a short 16 lines, maintaining a rhyme scheme and rhythm too! Nice!

*StarG* Message/Theme:
Snow makes us mad, well, unless you're a snowboarder. Then it's a different kind of mad.

*StarR* Technique/Technical Notes:
These are just my thoughts and observations. I may not have read the work the way you intended. Please decide for yourself if these comments are helpful to you; if not, feel free to disregard them.

*BulletB* Title - The title is the first thing that prospective readers will see. The title gives us a clue about the persona's feelings, but not the subject of the poem. It's great for a personal poem. For the average reader, a little more in the title will help stoke curiosity.

*BulletG* Grammar/Wording - I noticed nothing that jarred or confounded the reading. This is always a sign of good writing.

*BulletR* Form/Flow - The rhyme is maintained well, and the meter is mostly okay. It would be better if there is a little more consistency to the number of feet in each line.

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery - I loved the metaphor My kitchen was a skating rink!

*StarBr* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star* You're not alone in hating snow! Sharing your frustration through poetry was great. Thank you for a wonderful read!


Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Azrael


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
100
100
Review of I've Got a Secret  
Review by Azrael Tseng
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Hi Liam

I'm glad I read this work of yours. It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "I've Got a Secret on behalf of "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP.

*StarB* First Impression/Thoughts:
Great meter and rhyme maintained throughout that imparts a lyrical rhythm to a meaningful poem.

*Star* Creativity/Impact:
I like how you reveal lots of little known facts, and then suggest that there's still one big secret you're keeping at the end.

*StarG* Message/Theme:
Very nice commentary on the lot of Man in the world.

*StarR* Technique/Technical Notes:
These are just my thoughts and observations. I may not have read the work the way you intended. Please decide for yourself if these comments are helpful to you; if not, feel free to disregard them.

*BulletB* Title - The title is the first thing that prospective readers will see. The title actually suggests a more personal type of poem that what we actually read, but is very apt for the content. Many people are still deluded about or ignorant of how society is structured a certain way to advantage some and disadvantage others.

*BulletG* Grammar/Wording - I noticed nothing that jarred or confounded the reading. This is always a sign of good writing.

*BulletR* Form/Flow - I'm no expert on meter and form, but to my unlearnt ear and eye everything looks and sounds perfect.

*Bullet* Emotion/Imagery - My favorite line has to be 'they're taught to love this labor'. So sad but so true.

*StarBr* Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star* There's nothing I would change about this poem. It's a great piece of work. Thank you for a wonderful read!


Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Azrael


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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