I love that you do this weekly! It's a great way to help people get on top of their goals. The first step in achieving goals is deciding upon them, and the 1000 gift point incentive is a great motivation to get people started on this!
I love it! The structure of the poem remained steadfast all along, much like your bridge, sturdy and strong. I cannot debate, the story was great. To make one suggestion, it is without question, you improve your word choice. The first thing I noticed was that you wrote "where fruit did abound", which makes little sense in place of "where fruit were abound" or "where fruit grew abound". Furthermore, try to avoid using the same word twice in the same line so awkwardly, such as when you wrote "It had seen death too /often/, as people /often/ dove". Finally, the word "life" didn't need to be in quotes. Personification is self-defined.
Ah, a feeling I know well as a violinist. When you're first chair, leading an orchestra, there's a sort of panic that can come over you. First, you feel that you might mess up, and you dwell upon it to the point that it makes you so anxious that you can't remember at all how to play your instrument. The conductor will count off. One; I can't do this. I'm going to fail everybody. Two; Look at the audience. Will they laugh at me? Three; Goodness, what am I going to do? Four; Oh dear, here it comes. Goodbye cruel world.
But then something spectacular happens. That first thrum of all the instruments at once vitalizes you. You instantly remember that you're there just to play music, not to entertain guests or to show off. You're sharing the beauty with them. And everybody enjoys it, even if you miss a note.
Music truly is a beautiful thing.
Brilliant imagery. Thanks for bringing me memories of my concert days.
Very beautiful and heartfelt. As far as writing conventions go, try and read through it for some grammatical and word choice errors; nonetheless, it remains a solid piece. I'm sorry to promote at you, but I would appreciate a review back at http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1957...
I'm in love with the universe you're setting here. The cosmic frontier setting can never cease to be intriguing. This is a well above-average piece. Your plot is already strong, and dialogue has a good amount of emotion and character. If I had to criticize you, I would say that you should try and be a little more subtle with character building. It appears that you tried a little too hard to make the traits of Athenais as plain as you could, but you didn't need to go out of your way. People understand characters through their actions and speech far more easily and thoroughly than narrative statements about their general personality. Furthermore, not making such statements can make it easier to make subtle changes later on, so that you don't have to go out of your way to justify actions of a character that may not make sense to the way that you described her.
I love to see poetry that keeps up with the rhyme and rhythm. I'm not quite sure why you but it in satire, though. I may be missing something. Personally, I'm not much of a poet, but I enjoy reading it, particularly when it carries lofty subjects such as this.
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