I enjoyed this poem it was a bit on the dark side, in my opinion, but certainly good. I enjoyed the line where you said "And the crimson liquid filled your lungs dancing wildly through the water" it gives good imagery and is a great use of personification. Overall this is a well written poem and you did a great job on it. Thank you for sharing this wonderful poem and I hope that you continue to write and post more.
This is a great poem, I wish that we all the a brother as kind and as gentle as yours, and for those of us who do have a great brother I hope that they will be able to notice it and thank him for it. Your view of your brother is very high, as shown in this poem. This poem is simple and powerful with no visible errors, nice job. Thank you for sharing this poem and I hope that you continue to write and post more,
Great job on this poem. It had a nice flow and a good ryhme scheme. I especially enjoyed the last stanza for it had a nice beat to it but it was the only stanza that had five lines rather than four, so you may want to change it (or you may not, your decision.) In the fourth stanza it seems like it would make more sence if you reposistioned the lines so instead of going hour-day-day-minutes, you go in a accending order so you move the last line in that stanza and make it into the first line so it would be minute-hour-day-day. Overall a wonderful poem, I hope that you continue to post and write more.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1557396 by Not Available.
I enjoyed this poem. The poem had great flow it was easily read and the flow carriered you to the very end of the poem. Your use of ryhme was great and added to the overall poem. At the end of the first stanza where you say, "then shall I dream no more" is this a question or a comment? It seems to me like it is a question but if it is suppose to be a comment then I would change ti to say "then I shall dream no more." I enjoyed when you say "The blue blood runs in the veins of might" I enjoyed how you used blue rather then red for the blood and "veins of might" perfect. Thank you for sharing this wonderful poem and I hope that you contineu to write and post more poetry.
Great use of personification, I could really understand the cypress's feelings. I enjoyed when you said "Its foliage is painted a yellow melancholy," because if have never really thought of melancholy as yellow but I enjoy that. I enjoyed your word choice and it added to the overall power and message of this poem. In the last line I don't think that you need the exclamation point because it does not seem like it is being expressed loudly or powerfully, rather I think that a period will suffice. Thank you for sharing this wonderful poem and I hope that you continue to write and post more such poems.
I enjoyed this poem, Haikus, for me atleast, are very difficult but I you did a great job on it. The poem was simple and to the point expressing your feeling of gratitude. I enjoyed this poem and hope that you continue to write and post more.
I rather enjoyed this poem. And angel and an arc, odd, but good. I would have never thought of something so creative and I'm glad that you did. Making, what we think of as, simiple shapes into a couple in love was genuis. This poem was well written with a nice flow. I especially enjoyed when you said "Found united in Cupid's bow, and an archer's bowstring, pulling each other to solver love's equation." simply magnificent. Thank you for sharing this wonderfully creative poem and I hope that you contineu to write and post more.
I enjoyed this poem, it was simple yet powerful. The use of figurative language such as "hands move like birds;" added to the poem. I'm glad that you have taken the time to write about God for we can never praise him enough for what he has done for us. I have two questions, first why are there no capitals, is there some reason for this? Second why are there quotes in the second and third stanza? I enjoyed this poem and hope that you continue to write and post more.
I enjoyed this poem and the message that it presented. I like the form of poetry that you used, but the one thing that isn't quite right for me is that the last line doesn't follow the same "form" as everything else. The line where you said "In the darkest hour.... I'll be a lamp to light your way" was well written and I enjoyed it. Thank you for sharing this inspiring poem and I hope that you continue to write and post more poetry.
I enjoyed this poem, it held great power. The message that was promoted during this poem was very inspirational. Your poem flowed easily. This was a well written and very powerful. As I read over this I sat thinking over what was written, what will happen during that day? Have I lived life following God's will? Thank you for making me think and I hope that you continue to write and post more poetry.
I enjoyed this poem, it was short but it held power. This was an inspirational poem, we all yearn to travel to the land of our Savior, our Lord. This poem flowed easily. Thank you for sharing this poem and I hope that you continue to write and post more poetry.
I enjoyed this poem. I enjoyed your use of end rhyme in this poem and it's flow. The last two lines, for me didn't quite flow right for me, I'm not exactly sure how you can fix it, just maybe you can add some words to those two lines. I enjoyed this poem because it was like a small story and I enjoyed that. Thank you for sharing this poem and I hope that you continue to write and post more.
I enjoyed this poem, it was powerful. I liked this poem and the story that it told. One thing that I noticed was in the last stanza you say "Nobody heas my sobs." but I believe that you meant to say "Nobody hears my sobs." I enjoyed this poem and hope that you continue to write and post more poetry,
I enjoyed this poem, the comparison of us, the people, and toy's or as I can see it, puppets, is a perfect experience. The message behind this poem is well placed and I enjoyed it, for we are the "toys" that the government plays with, we are their tools and this poem perfectly describes this. I especially enjoyed this line "We're hearts upon a string they pull with tortuous hands" for when you talked about pulling our hearts is exactly what they are doing and I enjoyed how you described it. Thank you for sharing this poem and I hope that you continue to write and post more poems.
Thank you for sharing this poem. It depicted the deeper meaning behind growing up and what we lose as we grow up and continue to get older. I especially enjoyed the line where you said "We are called into the world of "maturity" and "purpose"." I enjoyed your use of quotes as an added emphasis on the words "maturity" and "purpose." Overall well written poem poem and I hope that you both continue to write more poetry and to post more poems.
This is far more than "Just a poem I wrote" this is a work of art. It had great flow with an equally great rhyme scheme. I enjoyed this poem it was well written and well thought out. I especially enjoyed when you would saying ****ing and ****ing it just seemed right in my opinion. The last stanza wraps the poem up nicely, "And the fight is over." a perfect line to stop at. I enjoyed this poem and hope that you continue to write more and post more.
I enjoyed this poem, it was a nice image but it may need a bit of work. The poem is lacking an obvious rhythm and doesn't quite flow. I liked the use of personification to get the image across such as "The daffodills dance to the music." this gave the daffodils a more human aspect rather than flowers. Making the field a haven was a nice touch, for our "special" place can be anywhere, in the case of your poem a field of flowers, I enjoy that. Thank you for this poem and I hope that you continue to post and write more.
A Smile~Worldwide review
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/benjam/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.25 seconds at 8:30am on Jun 05, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
