I liked your overall a message of this poem, however the actually body of this poem was not my favorite. First off the flow of this poem was very choppy which made it hard to read, an exapmle of this is the vast differences in line lenght, some lines were long while the one directly after it would be only two words, another example is the line "I came down with the flu, she was always" if i was you i would have made it two seperate lines because reading that was difficult and extremely choppy. It seems to me that this is simply your "syle" which, if that's the case, simply discredit my comments. If you read my poetry you'll see i write with more of a traditional slant, proper punctuation, uniform rhyme scheme, closely matching line lenght, ect. Which would mean that we just have clashing ideals when it comes to poetry. You may take my opinions or leave them, whichever you choose i still enjoyed reading this poe. Thank you for sharing and write on!
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I enjoyed this poem. I enjoyed the figurative language of the first stanza, the only thing that I would change it make "50 cent" to "half dollar" one thing is that it is more visually appealing and another is that it flows a bit better, but that is just my opinion and you can use it or not, your choice. I enjoyed how you compared your life to laundry, very different, very creative, very good. Overall not much to say about this poem, it was well written and I enjoyed it. Thank you for sharing this poem and I hope that you continue to write and post more.
After reading all your poems I can see that you are a good poet with a lot of natural talent. I hope that you get more reviews on your items. Overall you did a great job with all your poetry and I hope that you continue to write and post more.
I enjoyed this poem. From the very start I can see that this poem has great flow, it was read very easily and also had nice rhyme. In the first stanza, third line you have "toward" and I may be wrong but I think that it is suppose to be "towards" just something to check up on. I really enjoyed the metaphor of "greener grass" that was very well done. After finishing the first stanza and begginning on the second I was looking forward to the a-a-b-b rhyme that I enjoyed so much in the first stanza to see that it was replaced by a c-d-e-d rhyme which I didn't enjoy quite as much, and I'm not sure why you decided not to carry that rhyme on to the second stanza. I enjoyed this third stanza, one question I have is the reason behind capitalizing "One" when seeing that it makes me think that you are talking about God, because of the fact that you capatilize the first letter when reffering to him but because of your poem it seems that you aren't reffering to God so I'm abit confused of the reason behind the capalization. In the third stanza second line I would change the "to" into "and." Overall I really enjoyed this poem, it was well written, good word choice, excellent. Thank you for sharing this poem and I hope that you continue to write and post more.
I enjoyed this poem. One thing I noticed, and you did this is the first and second stanza, is that you ended a line with "that" which to me would be better pushed to the front of the next line. For me when I'm reading the lines that you ended with that I read it like this "Connected to a string that (pause) Tugs my heart each time you breathe" while if it was just a sentece (like for example in a paragraph rather than a poem) I would read it as "Connected to a string (pause) that Tugs my heart each time you breathe." this to me is just more nature, so if I was you I would push the "that" over to the start of the next line in the example I used and also from the third to the fourth line in the second stanza.
The second stanza has a great metaphor, saying that the voice is a compass, that was great work and I would just get read of the "north" because the direction isn't what matters, I know you are trying to go with the compass metaphor but compasses lead you ways other than north and the person may not be to the north so I would just leave it as "Led me into you arms" but that is just my opinion.
In the third stanza I would combine the fourth and fifth line to read "Can only survive in your hands" this to me flows better also it keeps with the previous two stanzas that both only have four lines. I would then combine the single line with the fourth stanza so it also has the pattern of four lines for each stanza. Overall this is a very touching poem, with only a few things to look at and you did a great job on it. Thank you for sharing this and I hope that you continue to write and post more.
I enjoyed this poem, you had great word choice and the poem flowed nicely. Overall I really enjoyed this poem, it was well written and had no visible errors. Thank you for sharing this poem and I hope that you continue to write and post more.
I enjoyed this poem. A comment I have is in the first stanza when you say "And to its whisper will enthrall Its beckon to be free" I am a little confused what you are trying to say here, are these lines connected or two seperate thoughts because I'm not exactly sure how to read it currently? Your second stanza is perfectly written, great flow, nice word choice, perfect. I especailly like when you said "loathing spin", "inward flight to darken soul" and "plight of sin" great word choice, fantastic. In the third stanza, third line you say "A treachery to muse and sane" in this case it looks like you are using "sane" as an verb but it is only an adjective, not quite sure what you were trying to say there. I enjoyed your final stanza but I have a question with the second to last line "Unless the blood to spoil the burn" I'm not sure what you are trying to say here, this is just my opinion. Overall this is a well written poem, with great flow and word choice. Thank you for sharing this poem and I hope that you continue to write and post more.
I enjoyed this poem. This looks to be a difficult form of poetry to use, and even more difficult to master but you were able to conquer it and write a great poem. Overall this poem was well written with no visible errors and a great theme to it. Thank you for sharing this poem and I hope that you continue to write and post more.
I enjoyed this poem. A comment that I have for you is in the first stanza "Thunderous clouds live in my soul, shadows of darkness." I know what you are saying but it doesn't read quite right for me, not sure how to change it but it doesn't sound quite right, just my opinion. "Painted smile" good word choice and a nice image. In the third stanza where you say "While I sweetly offer you kindness, and good deeds," I don't think that the comma is needed there, not sure if it has a purpose that I am not aware of, but when reading that stanza the comma hinders the flow of the poem, just my opinion. In the second to last stanza it bothers me that the first and third lines rhyme "see" and "me" it bothers me because none of the other stanzas have rhyming lines, but I'm not sure how you could change that without altering what you want to say with this poem, again just my opinion. I enjoyed the line where you said "ominous shadows of darkness" that was great word choice, nice job. Overall this is a well written poem. Thank you for sharing this poem and I hope that you continue to write and post more.
I enjoyed this poem. A comment that I do have is when you say "They say the night is darkest" I think it would sound better if you replaced the "the" with "that" so it would read "They say that night is darkest" just my opinion but I think it would sound a bit better. Also you say "burdles" in the last word of the third stanza, third line. "Burdles" is not a word, I'm think that perhaps you meant burden, not sure. Also you may not like punctuation, but I think that adding some would help the poem flow a bit easier because I'm not sure when to pause and when to continue reading, again just my opinion. Overall this is a very well written poem that I enjoyed very much. Thank you for sharing this poem and I hope that you continue to write and post more.
I enjoyed this poem, it showed emotion and feelings, very well written. You had excellent word choice within this poem: "solemn ground", "Lightly piercing", "cadence pulse" and "The fairest veiled dark from the light." This poem had nice flow, with only one thing that bothered me, the lack of punctuation. When reading this over without punctuation it was a bit hard to figure out when to pause, when to continue, ect. this is just my opinion, and you may dislike punctuation, for whatever, and you are the author so do what you think is right. Overall this is a well written poem with no visible errors, nice job. Thank you for sharing this poem and I hope that you continue to write and post more.
I enjoyed this poem, it was romantic and elegant. You had good word choice within your poem. A comment that I have is when you say "My brows, lips, the little freckle" the last part doesn't work for me as much, especially because the rest of it is on a seperate line, just my opinion. This poem has some issues with it's flow, it is a bit bumpy and difficult to read. At one point you go a bit off topic when you say "As leaves dance joyfully To the delicate music of a zephyr." up until those lines you were talking about one thing but at that point you switched and tlaked about somthing different and if I was you I would take those two lines out, bu this is just my opion. Thank you for sharing this poem and I hope that you continue to write and post more.
i enjoyed this poem, it was well written and displayed emotion. The poem had nice flow to it and was easily read, nice job. Overall this was a well written poem with no visible errors, nice job. Thank you for sharing this and I hope that you continue to write and post more.
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I enjoyed this poem and the topic that you presented within it. Overall this was a well written poem and I only have a few comments for you. First in the third stanza, second line you say "can not" but it is actually spelled cannot, just something you should chagne. Secondly you have exclamation points in two seperate places, when you say "...with an Almighty God he can not contend!" and "But those in sin can never win!!" in my opinion you may want to take the exclamation points out, but you certainly should take the second exclamation point out when you say "But those in sin can never win!!" because that isn't grammaticly correct. Overall well written poem, nice topic, good job. Thank you for sharing this poem and I hope that you continue to write and post more.
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I enjoyed this poem, it had a good topic. Overall this was a well written poem with only two comments that I have for you. First when you say "A raging river: this is love," I think it would be better if you replaced the colon with another form of punctuation such as a comma or semicolon, this is just my opinion. Second when you say "That grows into a fire" I think it would sound better if there was another word before fire, the reason I say this is because in the line above you have "flickering" before flame so I think if you add another word it would even the lines out a bit. Thank you for sharing this poem and I hope that you continue to write and post more.
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I'm glad that you kept this. I find that people are more willing to "trash" your rating if it is anonymous. I have had similar experiences of getting bad ratings without knowing who sent it, that is the only time that I have recieved under a three rating. I'm glad you preserved this.
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This was a great work of poetry, and I'm not just saying that because it is about me. You had great word choice within this poem: "timeless zeal" "assumption played its common game" "seasoned sould" I especially enjoyed the last one, instead of using old or some other equally boring word you used a great choice of words that I enjoyed. Overall this is a well written poem, great flow, no visible mistakes, very nicely done. Thank you for sharing this poem and I hope that you continue to write and post more.
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I enjoyed this poem. It was well written with only one comment that I have for you in the line where you say "played from the flute over there" it just doesn't quite work, in my opinion, and you might want to change it, and example is change it to "floating through the air," this is just my opinion and you can take it or leave it. Well written, no visible errors, nice job. Thank you for sharing this poem and I hope that you continue to write and post more.
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I enjoyed this poem about your view on death. Overall this was a well written poem with only a view comments that I have for you. The first comment that I have for you is that rhyming "it" with "it" doesn't really sound quite right, this is just my opinion. Also these two lines don't sound quite right "only one word can describe this last breath, and that only word is death," not really sure why this doesn't sound right but when I read it over it just doesn't quite flow. This was a well written poem. Thank you for sharing this poem and I hope that you continue to write and post more.
I enjoy this holiday poem. This was a well written poem with nice flow. I enjoyed the message of this poem, spreading holiday spirit. Thank you for sharing this poem and I hope that you continue to write and post more.
I enjoyed this poem, it was a poem of love. Overall this poem is nicely written, though the lakc of puncuation affects the flow a bit. A specific case of this is when you say "I need you can't you see" because of the lack of a comman between "you" and "can't" it is a bit difficult to read. My favorite stanza, this is counting the first line that says "I fight for you" as a stanza, the fifth stanza because of the description and when it shows who you are talking about and how you feel about that person. Overall this is a nicely written poem with only the small issue of puncuation, and this is my opinion and it is totally up to you. Thank you for sharing this poem and I hope that you continue to write and post more such poetry.
This poem was short sweet and to the point. Overall this poem is well written and well thought out. I enjoyed how you described nature so simply yet so well. Thank you for sharing this poem and I hope that you continue to write and post more.
I enjoyed this poem, it put a new interpretation on raising a child, nice job. This poem had great flow and I enjoyed the repetition of the word "soon" for emphasis. This was a well written poem, thank you for writing this and I hope that you continue to write and post more.
I enjoyed this poem about the pureness of something simple as a sunset. This poem depicted a beautiful natural occurrence that we should take the time to stop and watch. The poem flows well and is overall well written. Thank you for sharing this wonderful poem and I hope that you continue to write and post more.
I enjoyed this poem. It shows the true beuty of the moon and I agree with the conclusion that sometimes all you need to do is take a step back. I think that using a paragraph form rather than stanzas worked for this poem. One thing I noticed was that you misspelled therefore, you simply forgot the "e" on the end of the word. Thank you for sharing this poem and the insight of taking a step back, I hope that you continue to write and post more.
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