i really like this poem. i love the repitition. i love how it kind of contradicted itself like i dont think i wanna win because i know im damned to loos. I LOVE that line. Write on!
This poem actually shoked me. When i read the title i was thinking "here we go again, another corny poem" but it wasnt. The thing that led me to believe itd be corny was the title so i f i were you i would try to change it if possible. I think that none of the ryhming seemed forced except for the line that said "We fight and argue like hissing cats" i think itd seem less force if you found another word to ryhme it with.
I'm confused about what happened. At first i thought they were burning there own picture because it says "is different from the women watching them burn." i just really wish there was some clarification.
this poem is so true. we run around calling creatures stupid however we kill our own kind for the stupidest reasons and let greed and "inteligence" get in the way of us exsisting peacefully together. i really like this poem. it reminds me of when we were going to buy some live turkeys and the man at the cash register said there was no point beacause theyre so stupid theyll drown themselves by looking up when its raining. the story i just told was a bit irrelevant but it shows that we think were geniuses but all these different organisms have different adaptions that are simply amazing. i love the truth in this poem. Write on!
I really liked all the emotion in the last 3 lines. I can really see this in real life... a girl thats tired of waiting and being hurt so she just developes a hate for them to block out every other felling shes ever had for him. the only line that confuses me is "so sew yourself together'" it confuses me because you said you were going to rip him apart but this makes it sound like you already did. overall this was really good. Alot of emotion, write on!
I'm so glad that the rhyme didnt control the poem. it flowed nicely however i would of put a break between some call it a lesson and to be loved or to be endured. Also i liked how the last line in stanza 2 did not rhyme to me it didnt break the flow enough for me to want to stop reading. Another thing i liked in this poem is how you described love in different ways. Good poem!
This story is too cute! I liked how the girl finally admitted she actually always wanted a guy to do that. When you are talking about the woman that is married in the coffee shop and you just say she looks tired and angry, i think it could use a little more detail. I think what makes this story so cute is that the guy actually tried to do something for valentines day even though he knew she might hate it. I really like your details abput the action going on inside the coffee shop you used some very nice wrods that really added to the story (my favorite was perplexed. Also really like the simile "throeing candy like confetti."
this poem goes from sweet on the first line to raunchy. it talked about sex in a very raw way but perhap thats what you wanted to do. i think that there is a sweeter way to describe your love but maybe thats the kind of love you guys have. i like this poem at some points because you described how it is when there is no fellings
i think that this story has alot of meaning behind it. i wouldnt have minded if the story would of been longer so there could of been more detail and you could of gotten to know the characters more. i think that if you knew the characters more it would of had more of an impact when you found out she killed herslef. you also had a small grammar error instead of saying the police was interviewing some students it should be the the police were. i really think this story could be great if there was just a little bit more detail and if it was longer.
Overall this poem has a good meaning but there were a few parts that i couldn't undersatnd like the line that says "It once meant only pain". The thing that confused me in this line was what only meant pain, your beatin heart? Also when did it felle the pain? My favorite line was "So you cannot dance upon my bloody muscle –" it really added a sense of darkness to the poem. Along with that i thought it was cool that this could be taken more than one way. I took it as the person being so broken after their loved one left that they just shut down and he/she basically was just alive physically but not mentally.
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