Very well done! Your poem 'Flowers made by you', a tribute, evokes sincere feelings of gratitude to your teacher who I'm sure contributed immensely in shaping your future as also that of your classmates.
While your heartfelt poem is no doubt brilliant, here are a few mistakes that you could correct to make it read much better and write awesome pieces in future.
Firstly, subject verb errors. For instance in the first line 'Flowers made by you doesn't have any fragrance'- replace doesn't with don't since 'Flowers' is plural. Also, since the second line says 'Your colorful flowers never wither' the following line should read 'But seize thousands of hearts' and so on.
Secondly, tenses - Instead of 'You sown the seeds but we reaped,' it should read 'You sowed the seeds and we reaped
Drop article 'the' in 'We mourn with tears with the painful hearts.' It could have been 'We mourn with tears, pain in our hearts.'
Your poem 'Time for a Change' I must say is quite inspiring. Not only does it hold a lot of positivity but the repetition of 'It's time for a change' does emphasise on Change needed now.
Also, you've focussed on 'rearranging', 'cleaning up' - important to make the earth sparkle.
Great going! All the best!
Best Regards,
WordAddict
Well written Scarlet Moon! Your poem on Change very clearly states that change is the order of nature and that it is inevitable.
But I wonder why you say it takes 'one day to shake your world', Cos change takes place every moment, every second or minute.
Also, you've written certain words in all caps while the initial letters of a few others are in caps - probably for emphasis. I'd suggest - avoid all caps unless you're screaming out.
Good attempt Fatima. Your poem does express the pain you have been experiencing. However, you could consider the following suggestions to get better at poetry.
Firstly, you could consider attempting a free verse rather than rhyme. A free verse is modern and more popular with no metre patterns.
That apart, the words 'I depart it from me', 'can't able to', 'never deem' to name a few need to be corrected.
It could read, 'I don't know how I could separate it from me'. Also, the 2nd stanza third line could read 'And is unable to see my heart wrench'
Your poem title could have been 'Don't leave me in pain'
Besides, do run a thorough grammar check before you post.
Hope you take the above suggestions in the right spirit!
All the best! Keep penning!
Best regards,
WordAddict
However, I see a few punctuation errors, a typo too - 2nd line - 'Dose'
The fourth line misses a comma after the word 'story' and so does the third stanza, first line after 'As armor'
Good attempt at poetry.
However, here are a few corrections that'll help you improve further:
Instead of 'I wondered with my mind' just 'I wondered' is enough. You could have changed it to I wondered if I could ...'
Also, you could change the fifth line to 'ignite...' Besides, not 'boosted up' say boosted, not 'rein' but 'rain'.
Certain words feel like a forcefit, there's repetition too that could have been avoided, you seem to have used 'carving' and 'engraving' interchangeably.
I'm sure you're an animal lover, particularly cats more than anything else:). That's an interesting way to describe how a little feline sneaks in to change your mood and how he leaves to bring joy to another sad soul too.
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