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Review Requests: OFF
1,485 Public Reviews Given
1,578 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I look for a good hook at the beginning and like stories that "hit the ground running". Good plots with a theme, strong characters with an emotional impact, moving dialogue, sensory descriptions, clear communication and words with a purpose are strong points of a good story.
I'm good at...
knowing a good story when I read one. I like to read as much as I like to write, maybe more. I will let you know when a sentence just does not make sense to me, and I will try to give you my opinion on how to make it better.
Favorite Genres
biographical, family, drama, mystery, comedy, nature, young adult
Least Favorite Genres
sci-fi, erotica, fantasy, mythology
Favorite Item Types
short stories, essays, fiction & non-fiction
Least Favorite Item Types
novels
I will not review...
novels...sorry, no time
Public Reviews
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Review of May's Horse  
Review by Happy Mom's...
In affiliation with The Storytellers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello D Oak,

I found your story on the Writers' Cramp this morning. Congrats on your win!

The following review is only my opinion and is given with the intention of being constructive and encouraging. It is my hope you find it helpful in some way.

*Pencil*

Theme I think the theme of your story is about forgiveness and also listening to people, something April did not do and it made her miserable for no reason.

Conflict Of course, the conflict began with Elsa's infatuation with Mike.

Pace Your story has a good pace and I was never jolted out of it.

Showing vs telling I like the way you show the love May has for April making it a real thing even through death. Your names for the three sisters is also cute.

The five senses Your story did not appeal to the senses very much except to sight. I feel here is where the most improvement might be made. Touch, smell, hearing, and tasting could all be worked into your story easily making it more personal and real to the reader.

Characters As I mentioned before, I liked the names you picked for the three sisters. Including some of the senses in your story would make your characters stand out more as well.

Dialogue (& tags) Your dialogue was done very well, moved along the action, and showed the emotions the characters were feeling.

Adverbs I noticed no overuse of adverbs. Just be careful of qualifying modifiers such as especially, apparently, etc.

Word repetition Nothing noticed here.

Suggestion for improvement Other than incorporating more of the senses into your story, I have no suggestions.

Overall, I enjoyed reading your story. It was well-written with a happy ending.

By all means, keep writing and sharing.

Connie

moon over ocean at night


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302
Review by Happy Mom's...
In affiliation with The Storytellers  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello Hooves *Smile*,

I came across this in the Newbies Newsletter by Brooke and had to give it a read.

Your reviewing style is as unique as you (I love that bull!). You are correct in that we do have a tendency to "go easier" on people we know. It's just human nature, I guess. It's hard to be objective with wdc friends just as it is with family. I'm pretty sure that is why more gps are offered for people we have never reviewed, a very good idea.

I truly do like your review style and often read reviews, hoping to see a new one of yours, what you have to say and how you say it.

Keep on sharing your remoos and I'll keep on reading them *Laugh*.

Connie


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303
303
Review of Remembrance  
Review by Happy Mom's...
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Ken,

I found this on the Random Read and realized how much I have missed reading your poetry.

This is a very interesting poetic form, one I have not heard of but am going to try out. It suits me since I am sort of terse and brief, unusual I guess for someone claiming they want to be a writer. Plus, it has the components of a story, something else I like.

You have done a fine job with it as you always do. I can hear the needles, see them, smell them, and yes, even feel them. Your poem brought back hundreds of memories of Christmas trees from the past.

Thanks for sharing this. I hope you are doing well.

Connie


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304
304
Review of Enforced Vacation  
Review by Happy Mom's...
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello T. Kasza,

Congrats on your Cramp win. I didn't see that one coming.

You've certainly succeeded in gaining my empathy for your characters (since I'm an old lady *Laugh*). And, of course, your theme is dear to my heart, too.

This story took quite a bit of imagination to go from a setting on the moon to showing kindness to an older person. You are commended for it.

I love dialogue in a story, and yours seemed very natural. It moved things along just as intended. Well done.

Thanks for sharing you message *Smile*.

Connie


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305
305
Review by Happy Mom's...
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Harry,

Your story came up on the Random Read, and of course, from the title, I could not resist.

Everything in it rang a bell with me. It is so true. I am the one that is old now so the truth of it saddens me even more, but even at my age I can listen to others. Listening and learning.

Thanks for sharing this and letting others know how important storytelling is to our history...and our lives.

Connie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
306
306
Review of Why Write?  
Review by Happy Mom's...
In affiliation with The Storytellers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello MommaK,

I found your essay on writing, read it, and wanted to let you know my thoughts about it.

You have presented some excellent reasons to write, all of them with value. Your essay is well-written, clearly communicated, and with no technical problems that I found.

I have noticed on some sites here on WDC, people say they write because they must. Although I do not possess that inner drive they speak of, I do find writing rewarding and a head-clearing process, which you suggest in your article. To me, these two things alone are enough.

But after reading your article, I find I can relate my own writing to all the other reasons you suggest even the creative process. We know that is happening when we lose track of ourselves during the writing. I do that in drawing even more. So much time can go by, I have a hard time believing it.

So I would say your essay have served its purpose. It has made me think about my writing and realize its importance to me.

Thank you for writing and sharing this.

Connie


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307
307
Review of The Tower  
Review by Happy Mom's...
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello D.A.N.T.E.,

I am always checking out the "The Writer's Cramp"  and found that you won yesterday. Congratulations!

I read your story and had some deja vu myself. It sounds a little like me, the forgetting part, that is. You certainly followed the prompt and nailed those senior moments.

Your story is written well, does a good job of showing what is happening through dialogue, and keeps me reading along with no distractions *Thumbsup*.

The only thing that jumped out at me was the one too many "quicklys" in the fifth to last paragraph. Sorry, I am a repetitious adverb fanatic. If it were me, I would delete both of them. The story loses nothing without them *Smile*.

Thanks for sharing this ingenious idea for solving my memory problem!

Connie


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308
308
Review by Happy Mom's...
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi KerrieAnnS,

I visited your port as one of the newer Rising Stars, and found this story interesting as well as meaningful to me.

*Thumbsup* Your title does an excellent job informing the reader of the impending plot of your story without giving away any content.

*Heart* Your character's strong love for her son and husband is shown by her actions and words

*Checkr* Your dialogue moves the story along and shows the reader what is happening emotionally to your character.

*Ribbonb* Your story is clearly communicated to the reader and, as is necessary in a 300-word contest entry, all your words have a purpose.

The theme you address is a difficult one and faces the survivors of many. Living Wills can remove that awful decision but even Living Wills cannot lessen the loss felt.

Thank you for sharing this story, and I hope you are enjoying being a Rising Star.

*Smile* Connie

"RS - Member to Member Review!" - any Rising Star member is free to use this signature! :)


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309
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Review of Love Endures  
Review by Happy Mom's...
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello BScholl,

Your story came up on the Random Read and I found the title promising.

It is remarkable that Thomas spent his whole life, practically, in search of a cure for his son's cancerous brain tumor. Even more remarkable being the fact that Bobby died twenty-one years prior to the miracle drug's approval by the FDA. He not only loved his son but honored his memory by continuing to search for a cure long after his death.

You show another example of Thomas' exemplary character by the joy with which he received the few hours of his son's normalcy before the aneurysm.

I thoroughly enjoyed this uplifting story of the power of love. Thanks for sharing it.

Connie


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310
310
Review by Happy Mom's...
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Angelo,

Congratulations, great story! I can imagine this really happening. I think most people have good hearts and I love stories that show this. Liz is a strong character and you do a good job of letting the reader get to know her through her actions, thoughts and dialogue.

You communicate clearly and give good scenic descriptions. I noticed no technical errors to interrupt my enjoyment of your story.

Thanks for sharing this. I am so happy to see you (an old friend) winning contests!

Connie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
311
311
Review of Forever Asylum  
Review by Happy Mom's...
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello M_hardy,

I found your story on the Newbie listing and was pulled in by your title and description. I like your beginning, how normal and natural everything seems in contrast with what is to come.

Your story has a good plot, and that is what kept me reading. Your characters are strong, and you show them to me through their dialogue, a good method. The story also has a good theme, read before you sign. You left the ending to the reader's imagination, easy to resolve from your foreshadowing.

I found some technical problems and will list some of them just for your information:

* he liked to flip threw the classified ads
threw should be through

* marveled at the fact that, there was no telephone number
the comma is not necessary, even 'that' could be eliminated

* The next morning, he sat
no comma necessary after morning

* The morning traffic hadn’t been quite as bad as he anticipated.
you are changing verb tense here...wasn't in place of hadn't been is a better choice

* the only furniture in the room had been black.
this confused me...was there black furniture?

* Dr. Wistrom knocked and then opened the door and said, “Hello Mr. Jacobs I am Dr. Wistrom, how are you today?”
this is redundant...The door opened and a man said, "Hello, Mr. Jacobs. I am Dr. Wistrom. How are you today?" sounds better

I thoroughly enjoyed this story and think all it needs is some good technical editing. Thanks for sharing it and welcome to writing.com.

Connie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
312
312
Review of Loss of Control  
Review by Happy Mom's...
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Nixie,

A good plot, a strong character, suspense building, and a surprise ending! Who could ask for more?

I like your style of writing, clearly communicating with just the right amount of description to show me what is going on. Your character had an emotional impact on me and I could easily identify with her although shoplifting is out of my vocabulary *Smile*. You explained her reasons and made me sympathetic to her law-breaking and personal situation.

I was totally surprise by your ending and must admit a little of my sympathy drained away. I am jinxed with seeing two sides to every story *Confused*.

I liked the phone dialogue. It moved the storyline along perfectly. I did not see any problems with grammar or spelling or sentence construction. Everything was easily understood and I was never bumped out of the story. Great writing and thanks for sharing with me.

Connie
** Image ID #1784293 Unavailable **


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Review of Legal Jargon  
Review by Happy Mom's...
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi Itchy Water,

*Thumbsup*I read your story with a creased brow and kept thinking about Rodney Dangerfield and his misnomers *Smile*. You did a great job with the comic aspect of this story, and I chuckled all the way through.

I just have a couple of suggestions:

*Note*The word "flounders" in this sentence, Randy grumbles as he flounders through the yellow pages, searching for a lawyer. jarred me a little. Perhaps, leafs is a good alternative.

*Note*Both "theirs" in this sentence, and Joe was already their--I am usually their first. should be changed to there.

I like all the dialogue and the way you use it to keep the story moving along. I hope you did well in the contest and thanks for sharing your writing with me.

Connie
** Image ID #1624255 Unavailable **


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Review by Happy Mom's...
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Sanita,

I found your poem on the "Read A Newbie" listing and couldn't go without letting you know how much I enjoyed reading it. You impart a message of importance, the eyes are only one and sometimes a very small way of seeing.

I read your poem aloud and found it easy on my ears with good rhythm and rhyme.

Thanks for sharing your writing and welcome to writing.com.

Connie


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Review of A Mother's Love  
Review by Happy Mom's...
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Marci,

I found your story in last week's Drama Newsletter. I am so sorry your little puppy did not make it. Life is so precious and its loss is devastating. I hope Mama is doing okay.

Your story is written straight-forward and from the heart, the best kind. It touched my heart and I thank you for sharing it with this writing community.

I'll be looking for more of your stories.

Connie


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316
316
Review of Tax Day  
Review by Happy Mom's...
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Stephen,

I found your entry on the Flash. Congratulations, it was a certain winner!

Even though you say your story is in the future, I'm sure many of us feel exactly this way doing our taxes now (er, yesterday) *Smile*. They can be so frustrating, aggravating, and intimidating. It feels like life and death sometimes.

You give a great portrayal of the entire process. I sincerely hope your MC made it through *Laugh*.

Thanks for sharing and please write some more. You need not worry about having lost your touch *Smile*.

Connie


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317
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Review of The Gift  
Review by Happy Mom's...
Rated: E
Hi Pat,

I found your story on the Random Read and wanted to let you know I read it and enjoyed it.

You do a good job building the suspense leading to the identity of the strange woman who seems to be following Megan around. Your description of the wintry scene and Megan's care in locking up add to the hint of danger in the reader's mind.

I began to realize what might be happening when you mention that it is Megan's birthday, and things begin to fall into place.

I can imagine that mothers who have given up their children for adoption might act in exactly the way you have described, very believable. The ending seemed appropriate, that is, leaving it up to the reader to decide the outcome of the knowledge of each other.

Thanks for sharing this story.

Connie


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318
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Review of Life After Death  
Review by Happy Mom's...
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good Morning Quiltingmama,

I was checking out the Cramp entries this morning and found your story. You have followed the prompt very cleverly. I have heard of people actually dying and 'coming back' so your story is believable (as are Brad Paisley's lyrics).

Apparently Gabe had his problem long before he had his miracle, and you skillfully used his miracle as a solution to his problem.

The game of charades was a good touch since his married life seems to have been a charade all along.

I enjoyed your story. Thanks for sharing it and good luck with the Cramp *Smile*.

Connie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
319
319
Review by Happy Mom's...
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi SoCalScribe,

You came up on the Random Read, and your story description hooked me. You gave me plenty of warning when Carmen mentioned a few problems at home, but still I was surprised when the cell phone rang *Smile*. You worked that into the story very smoothly.

The only question I have is if the EMT knew the two kids belonged to the gunman, he must have known their name...so wouldn't he have made a connection to the doctor? I guess the doctor could be using a maiden name or perhaps she was a stranger to the EMT. Don't mind me. I'm just rambling and trying to fit the pieces together *Smile*.

Thanks for sharing this story. I enjoyed it as you can see.

Connie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
320
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Review of ENWIN  
Review by Happy Mom's...
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Eric B,

Your story came up on the Hub page, and I decided to take a look despite your warning [e:smile]. Your story is told with tongue in cheek and makes some pretty rough (and highly unlikely) accusations about squirrels, but it was very entertaining and told well.

The plot is simple, animals and insects are ganging up on Enwin. He almost outsmarts them, but in the end he is the loser. The theme of your story seems to be for us not to underestimate the power of animals (but don't be spreading it around or people might think you're nuts *Laugh*).

You showed me Enwin's personality clearly even though you gave little attention to his physical description. Your description of the park and the squirrels was vivid and almost every sentence foretold disaster to Enwin. I would have been disappointed if he had escaped unscathed.

Thanks for the chuckles and for sharing your writing.

Connie


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321
Review of Next Empty Seat  
Review by Happy Mom's...
In affiliation with The Storytellers  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Good Morning Brix,

I found your story listed in the Short Story Newsletter this morning and decided to take the bus *Smile*.

The dull ride Sam takes through life on the bus is one taken by many people, only making the barest observations, never really doing anything. Using the bus ride as an analogy, you have shown Sam's life as one just skimming the surface and not being truly alive. Too many lives are like this and too many never realize it, me included sometimes.

Some of your sentences and words seemed rough and out of place, but since you have no bio completed, I was not sure how to address it. For example...Tragedy fell along Mr. McNaught's family. I would use the word "upon" instead of "along".

I thoroughly enjoyed your story and its message. I see you are new to Writing.com and would like to welcome you to the site. Everyone is friendly so if you have questions, ask any old timer and they will be happy to help (me included). Have lots of fun and write some more *Thumbsup*.

Connie


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322
322
Review of The Piano  
Review by Happy Mom's...
In affiliation with The Storytellers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Mel,

I found your story on the Hub Page and since I have a special spot for the piano as well, your title pulled me in to your short story.

Your love for the piano shines through this brief memory by the way you think of it, almost as a living, breathing being. I'm sure it did smile when it got cleaned and polished up.

Indeed, inanimate objects can find a place in our hearts when they give us so much joy for so little in return.

I found your piece to be poetry as well as prose. Thanks for sharing it.

Connie


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323
Review of Broken Glass  
Review by Happy Mom's...
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Jade Green,

I found you on the Hub Page this morning and see that you are new to writing.com. Welcome. You have found a comfortable and friendly place.

I read your story and you have done a good job of expressing the main character's emotions in a tough situation. It sounds like she is an only child making the stress of the moment even more pronounced. She has no siblings to talk things over with or gain some perspective. She is 'right in the moment'.

This story could be expanded to show what happens to this newly developing character. Perhaps she has girlfriends at school she talks to about her powerful emotional crisis.

You have written a wonderful beginning to a story succeeding in gaining the reader's interest. I hope you expand upon it and write more as you learn more about your main character.

Welcome, again, and give me a shout if there is anything I can help you with.

Connie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
324
324
Review by Happy Mom's...
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello,

I found your acticle on the Newbies Review site and I hope you are enjoying Writing.Com. When I review, I try to read as much about the author as time permits. I visited your site and also your blog site and read your other two articles because I found them interesting. Your list of resources also look beneficial to all parents.

This article interested me from the beginning because I had nothing but optimistic and positive responses to Michelle Obama's school lunch initiative. You have stated your concerns well and have succeeded in raising some of my own. Yes, we already do have a lot of government control, but school lunches seem to be an easy way to start children on a good nutritional track. Changing from the old lunches does not seem all that bad in my opinion.

I don't think it is that others know more than parents, just that kids need some help in making the right choices when parents are not around. I'm not sure what to say about the bagged lunch, except that it sounds perfectly nutritious to me.

You seem to get off the subject a little when you start talking about condoms. I see the contrast you are making, but it only serves to deter concentration on the subject at hand.

I enjoyed the article. It is well-written and poses many questions as intended. I will look for more writing from you and try to follow your blog. Best of luck and welcome to Writing.Com.

Connie *Thumbsup*


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325
325
Review by Happy Mom's...
In affiliation with The Storytellers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello,

I found your story in this week's Newsletter for Authors by northernwrites. You pulled me into your story right away with your vivid description and I felt like I was riding along with you. I could feel the sticky sweatiness of the vinyl and the hot air and dust blowing in the windows.

I liked all the dialogue and could almost taste the hot biscuits with honey and butter. The clawfoot tub was not difficult to imagine since I grew up with one.

I am not sure where this story takes place but I imagined somewhere out west probably because of the cows. It did not matter. It could have been anywhere and anytime. The story is universal.

You did not tell the exact ending but the reader does know it was a happy one. Thanks for sharing this well-told tale.

Connie *Thumbsup*


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