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Review of Cup of Coffee  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
I found this poem very touching. The sentiments and feelings came across well.

What I liked most
I liked the way you repeated, almost as a refrain, "I guess they’re just mine now" and "I guess this is just yours now". It was a very effective way to show the separation, but also the disbelief that it is over. Nicely done.

My general suggestions
The formatting is a little awkward, although I am not quite sure how you could handle it better. There are many lines which trailing into the next just a bit, and it looks odd.

Technical issues
You switch tenses some between past and present. I'd normally count that more against the poem, but it almost feels right in this poem which mingles the past and the present.

Conclusion
I liked this, but more than that, it moved me, which I didn't expect. This is not my sort of poetry, really, both because it is free verse and because it is about breakups, and I've never gone through one (and after 24 years of marriage, I hope I never do). Nonetheless, I thought it was very effective how you went backwards to the coffee shop.


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Review of Hello, World  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: E | (3.5)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
Very entertaining. I enjoyed your poem.

What I liked most
I swear my cycle might have skipped
when she tested her Javascript.

LOL.

Issues and suggestions
While entertaining, there are a few... bugs, shall we say. One is due to pronounciation: "cache rhymes with "dash" - the word you are think of is "cachet". Others are due to a mixture of tenses:
I found (past)
I can't seem (present)
She never raises (present)
She even made (past)
But I knew (past)
I hope she comes (present)

If these were necessary to make the poem flow, it might be one thing, but most could be avoided with only slight alteration, by switching "raises" to "raised", for example.

Conclusion
Again, I like the spirit and enthusiasm of the poem, and I think the ending is great, but I have to mark this lower due to the technical issues. I'd be happy to re-rate if you clean up the issues.


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353
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
This is a beautiful and moving story. I loved reading it. Unfortunately, it has a host of technical issues which make it harder to read than it should be. I will idebtify as many as I can to help you make this story as wonderful as it deserves.

What I liked most
I loved that the daughter was so strong even while she was weak. She learned all about her ailments and kept the doctors on track. That was very real.

My general suggestions
Get a good editor. I mean this seriously, as you write very well, but have a lot of technical issues, and a good editor (or perhaps I mean proofreader, as I am not sure who does what) could help considerably.

Technical issues
requests that name -> Should be "requested" to match tense.

she has had enough of that -> Should be either "she had had or, since that can sound awkward, "she'd had", but this must match the past tense.

Noni has been treading -> Should be "Noni had beento match the past tense.

They are speaking a foreign -> Should be "They were".

her condition then her specialists -> Should be "than".

I cannot catalog every issue, but there are a number of additional tense switches.

Conclusion
This is a wonderful, heartfelt story that deserves to shine. Your writing is intense and real, but you need to find someone who can help you polish the diamond in the rough. I wish I could be that person, but I simply don't have enough time. But please, do not get discouraged. Write on!


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354
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
I like the tone and pace of your story. Since you have requested a more in-depth review, I must also say that some of the technical issues made it a bit harder to "stay in the mood" of the piece, but they all seem fairly easy to fix. I'd like to see this story cleaned up a bit, as it has a good, old fashioned macabre tone that I enjoy.

What I liked most
I thought the dialogue, one sided though it had to be, was very well used to set the tone and atmosphere.

My general suggestions
I am a little confused by the parts in italics. Some seem to be thoughts, as the one starting "I am half this man's age", but others are less clear, such as "paranoia was all., which feels like you just missed the first part of the sentence.

As for the earlier ending, I like this better the way it ends now, but obviously, that is just one opinion.

Technical issues
The quietness of the woods -> Should be just "quiet".

the crunch of every stone under foot -> Should be "underfoot" in this context.

There was a sense of oddity in the air -> This misuses the word "oddity". Possibly you could change this to "an odd sense" or "a strangeness".

As I wandered I stumbled into the local pub -> You should either add a comma after "wandered or just get rid of the "As I wandered", which doesn't really add anything to the sentence.

Upon my exit I passed -> Add a comma after "exit".

such tomfoolery I have no affairs -> Add a comma after "tomfoolery".

Silence was their only response. -> This should be just "the".

pace my steps faster and faster trying to achieve -> Add a comma after the second "faster".

Conclusion
As I said, despite the technical issues, I enjoyed your story very much. I'd be happy to re-review and give it the higher rating it would deserve if you do have a chance to clean up these issues. I very much enjoy your writing style, and look forward to reading more of what you write.


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355
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: E | (5.0)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
I loved the way you used both possible sides of the prompt together to make this poem shift gears. Very clever, and it worked well.

What I liked most
I thought the simile was very good, especially with the (I'm assuming) intentional use of "morning" in place of "mourning".

My general suggestions
It is minor, but mourning doves are never pure white. Unfortunately, we have too many that gather in our yard, and they are more like pigeons than doves. Ick!

Technical issues
None that I saw. You used the prompt and form well, from what I could tell. Good job!

Conclusion
I enjoyed this very much. I'm glad I came across it. Write on!


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Review of Darksome  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: E | (4.5)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
Your story (chapter?) was well written and gripping. I enjoyed the scene setting and character building.

What I liked most
You have a great way with setting a scene. Without falling into the overwrought, you create vivid images with phrases such as "tree limbs seemed to morph into spindly arms and gnarled hands trying to grab his treasure" and "suddenly burst into a sprawling tower of liquid fire".

My general suggestions
Be careful about the number of references to things about which we know little. You have done well so far, but depending on whether this is closer to a chapter or a story, you are nearing the edge of the number of different references to names we wouldn't know yet.

Technical issues
None that I saw. Good job.

Conclusion
This was very well done. I look forward to any more you might write on this story. It is not exactly my favorite genre, but you have created good, interesting characters and given hints that make me want to know more. Good job!


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Review of Character Sketch  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
When you outline a story, you usually describe the structure. When you sketch a character, you have a different job, which is to breathe a bit of life into a structure. You have a character who could be interesting, or could be boring. You show a few clues, but with just a few changes, you could breathe the life into Allen.

What I liked most
Allen's first practice the coach took one look at him and said, “son I do believe the cheerleading squad is over there.”

This shows us something rather than telling us - the coach is reacting to something, although we don't know whether it is his size or his appearance or his glasses. That is good, in this case, as it make us do a bit of work.

My general suggestions
Try to show us more. Instead of saying "Allen had only developed asthma which he still has today.", show us Allen coughing and fighting off an asthma attack, but hiding it from his friends. That would tell us he has this weakness, but refuses to let it stop him.

Technical issues
There are quite a few small grammatical or spelling errors, but DON"T WORRY ABOUT THEM! For now, focus on showing us this person, painting in some life, and you can worry about spelling and grammar when you have a character built.

Conclusion
I think you have a good start here, but you need to stop telling us about this character and start showing us. Pretend you had no words at all, but could just film a scene about your character. What could you communicate visually without any words. Now, describe that visual scene. Good luck, and write on!


They say that 'turnabout is fair play', so please feel welcome to visit my port Ben Langhinrichs and review any of my work.

*Star* Write on! *Star*
358
358
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: E | (2.5)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
So, you invited us over, set the table, cooked the meal and let the aromas waft across our nostrils until we were salivating, then left whatever the luscious meal was in the kitchen and served us dry, stale soda crackers? Why?

What I liked most
You have a good sense of character, unfortunately squandered in this case.

My general suggestions
Finish the story. Don't be afraid to tell us the rest. We're ready, we're listening, we're salivating. Bring on the roast beast!

Technical issues
I did not know when will the next bus come -> This should be "when the next bus wuld come".

Conclusion
I'd love to re-review and rate the story higher, as I am sure it will deserve, but I can't give a high rating for stale soda crackers - I just can't.

They say that 'turnabout is fair play', so please feel welcome to visit my port Ben Langhinrichs and review any of my work.

*Star* Write on! *Star*
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359
Review of Beacon Of Hope  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: E | (3.5)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
This poem works pretty well, and I like the sentiment, but the tense shifts are a bit confusing.

What I liked most
As darkness subdued, a distant voice I heard.
I, am not alone.

My general suggestions
Be careful about the tense shifts. By this, I mean that you have a stanza such as:

Powerless, I am.
Subdued by this shadow of defeat.
Remorse, I felt.

When you write "I am", that is present tense - it is happening right now to you. But when you write "I felt", that is past tense - it happened to you in the past. You could change the "I am" to "I was" or the "I felt" to "I feel", but it all has to be consistent.

Technical issues
Nothing worth noting aside from that mentioned above.

Conclusion
I like the poem, the structure and the flow, but the technical issues tend to sink this. If you clean it up, let me know, as I'd love to re-review and give it a higher rating when it is cleaned up.

They say that 'turnabout is fair play', so please feel welcome to visit my port Ben Langhinrichs and review any of my work.

*Star* Write on! *Star*
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360
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: E | (5.0)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
Wow! You just have a natural way of writing poetry that expresses feelings so well. I guess I always have trouble expressing things in this way, and tend to hide behind humor and technique. Even visually, this poem is powerful, but the words don't feel at all forced to make the image you wanted.

What I liked most
I love the line "He said, she said and both were sad". I also like the entire stanza starting with "What could have been done is irrelevant".

My general suggestions
None.

Technical issues
why did it have to be this way -> You should capitalize the first word to match the other stanzas.

Who's fault -> Should be "Whose fault".

Conclusion
I'm impressed. You are definitely a writer to be watched. Welcome to Writing.com, and I hope you hang around for a while.

They say that 'turnabout is fair play', so please feel welcome to visit my port Ben Langhinrichs and review any of my work.

*Star* Write on! *Star*
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361
Review of Forbidden Power  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
I like this poem. It is slightly mystical. which matches the subject, but mostly I like the language and feeling.

What I liked most
I reach out and call to the wild
Enchantment of growing and green
The answering stir of my being
Is fresh as a clear summer stream

You have a lyrical and pleasing way of writing.

I also like the quoted "bad girl" references, which do a good job of showing your mixed feelings.

My general suggestions
I guess I'd just like to see it a bit longer. It touches on some things without quite diving in.

Technical issues
You use "magick", which I assume is intentional, but does stand out for an older reader such as myself.

Conclusion
I think you have done very nicely with this poem. Good work! (and, by all means, be a 'bad girl' and let your spirit run free)

They say that 'turnabout is fair play', so please feel welcome to visit my port Ben Langhinrichs and review any of my work.

*Star* Write on! *Star*
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Review of On Being Alone  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: E | (4.5)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
This was very touching and well written. As one of the lucky men with just that "one love" in my life, I still see the traits I have that could have allowed me to miss that one.

What I liked most
I particularly like the part starting "Twice in my life I have laid it all on the line,", both the imagery and the feeling in it.

My general suggestions
None to make.

Technical issues
an hour.
Survivable yes -> There is a line break that shouldn't be here.

surmise that I am doing good -> Should be "doing well".

Besides these, you have a few comma issues, but not many or any that cause serious confusion. Just be careful.

Conclusion
I am very glad I came across this on the Review Request page. Welcome to Writing.com, and I'll look forward to reading more of your writing in the future.

They say that 'turnabout is fair play', so please feel welcome to visit my port Ben Langhinrichs and review any of my work.

*Star* Write on! *Star*
363
363
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: E | (4.5)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
Very enjoyable poem about writing and its trials and tribulations (and very rare elations).

What I liked most
Fraught with insecurity
Living in obscurity
Writing even when they're tired
Afraid of dying un-admired
The writers ply their trade.

The first stanza is just marvelous.

My general suggestions
None. It works fine as is.

Technical issues
I didn't see any obvious issues. Good job! *Thumbsup*

Conclusion
I think this is a clever and well written poem. Write on!

They say that 'turnabout is fair play', so please feel welcome to visit my port Ben Langhinrichs and review any of my work.

*Star* Write on! *Star*
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364
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: E | (4.0)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
An entertaining way of describing the process of becoming a Published Writer (almost sorry I can use blink tags).

What I liked most
My favorite part was the friends and their reactions. Lovely, supportive people, those friends, but they are lousy critics.

My general suggestions
None in particular.

Technical issues
Mostly minor comma omissions, but I figured it was best to let you know.

as he could remember Dick had been -> Add a comma after "remember".

As just a young lad he had written -> Add a comma after "lad".

As he grew older his interest -> Add a comma after "older".

By the time Dick was a teenager he was -> Add a comma after "teenager".

Finally he decided to run -> Add a comma after "Finally".

Conclusion
A good story, although just a tad preachy. Still, thanks for sharing.

They say that 'turnabout is fair play', so please feel welcome to visit my port Ben Langhinrichs and review any of my work.

*Star* Write on! *Star*
365
365
Review of You are You  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
This didn't work quite as well for me. It is clever, but while the later part sounds more like Dr. Seuss (anapests and all), the earlier part did not, and sounded a bit choppy.

What I liked most
"I can help you two yous." He said, rubbing his chin.
"Two yous is no problem." He waved us both in.
"Why, I once knew a cat with many more yous.
There's no problem with yous that come only in twos.

Now, that is good Dr. Seuss form!

My general suggestions
I know this was for an assignment, but I'd go back and do it all in propert Dr. Seuss. I just think it would work better.

Technical issues
None that I could see. I guess, having spent too much time in Philadelphia, I am surprised to not see "yous" spelled "youse", but I think that is my problem, not yours.

Conclusion
I thought this was clever, but not consistent enough, thus the lower mark.

They say that 'turnabout is fair play', so please feel welcome to visit my port Ben Langhinrichs and review any of my work.

*Star* Write on! *Star*
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366
Review of A Love Sublime  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: E | (5.0)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
Wow, this is quite beautiful. I don't write any Christian poetry myself (Presbytarian minister father, Unitarian minister father-in-law, identity crisis for me), but I appreciate the beauty of the images and story. Your use of the form was excellent, and seemed perfectly suited to the poem.

What I liked most
I liked many parts. Maybe:

Assisting Satan to succeed.
An evil deed! An evil deed!

But also maybe:

With humble, willing attitude
His father’s word his only food,

I guess I just liked a lot of it.

My general suggestions
None, this was great.

Technical issues
Oh. Such a cost! Oh. Such a cost! -> It is pretty minor, but shouldn't this really be "Oh, such a cost! Oh, such a cost!"?

I could not find any meter or form issues. *Thumbsup*

Conclusion
You are quite a poet. I hope you don't mind if I look around further. Oh yes, and as an aside, I've never heard of Gjertrude Schnackenberg before, although I did find the poem you mentioned and saved a copy in my Poetic Influences book as "Supernatural Love" . Are there any other poems by her that I should look up?

They say that 'turnabout is fair play', so please feel welcome to visit my port Ben Langhinrichs and review any of my work.

*Star* Write on! *Star*
367
367
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: E | (3.0)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
You write with great emotion and passion, and your stories are compelling, but there are a number of technical issues that make it harder to read them smoothly. This prevents your strong story telling from fully shining as it could.

What I liked most
I like that Russ is not simply made a villain, but rather is a strong and loving father who has a weakness that is difficult for him to overcome, and somewhat parallels the illness that the main character has which is difficult to overcome.

My general suggestions
Aside from other technical issues, the formatting used makes reading more difficult. For example, in the short part below, the line break in the middle is disorienting:

Patrick matured from ten to twenty years old, "I will not fight with him, but I cannot respect him any more, you know that."
Dorothy couldn't speak, she just nodded her head.

It would be very easy to fix, and much easier to read, if you had:

Patrick matured from ten to twenty years old, "I will not fight with him, but I cannot respect him any more, you know that." Dorothy couldn't speak, she just nodded her head.

Technical issues
The biggest and most distracting issue is that of tense. For example, you have "Patrick watches his Mom struggling with the groceries and ran out to help her." You should either have "watched" and "ran" or "watches" and "runs".

In general, I think it is much easier to write in the past tense as if you are telling a story about what happened, but some people feel like it is more immediate if your character is having it happen right now. Honestly, either is OK, but you must stick to one.

I usually recommend that you decide whether your are telling the story or whether it is happening now. Then, just write the story out with that in mind, but without worrying excessively about tense. Finally, and this is critical, read each sentence separately, and usually aloud, and make sure that the verbs match what you decided.

Conclusion
In writing, we all bring some package to the table. Some are perfect spellers but have lousy grammar. Some write wonderful images, but are lousy spellers. Some write beautifully and eloquently, but have little to say. My guess is that that is the most frustrating of all. You should count yourself fortunate that you have a gift for telling a story, as the mechanics can be fixed after the story is written down, even if it requires multiple rewrites. Think of a story as a statue, where the rough shape is hewn, then detail carved in carefully, and finally the last blemishes are polished away. Some sculptors require more steps, while others require fewer, but the person standing in awe in front of the sculpture doesn't care if it took one or one hundred steps - he or she cares that it is wonderful at the end. Just so, your stories may require a few more rewrites than some others, but the reader at the end wants to see the wonderful story you have to write - he or she won't care how many rewrites it took or appreciate it less than that person who writes quickly and easily, but whose sculpture has a less exciting shape.

Write on, and share your stories! I am going to mark this lower simply because as your smooth out and improve your story, I want to be along for the ride and rate it higher each time until it reaches the story you want to tell.

They say that 'turnabout is fair play', so please feel welcome to visit my port Ben Langhinrichs and review any of my work.

*Star* Write on! *Star*
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368
Review of Sanity to Shame  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
I finally got back to review this. Very good! I don't like free verse much, but you make it far more rhythmic and compelling than many do.

What I liked most
I love the alliteration and excellent word usage. I also think the last line is extremeely clever.

My general suggestions
None to suggest.

Technical issues
None that I can see. I didn't check punctuation very carefully, as it is hard to determine exactly what is right in this sort of poetry, but it all looked good. *Thumbsup*

Conclusion
You have a real way with words. Now, granted, I wish you'd write poetry that rhymed as I would be more confident in my assessments, but that is my problem, not yours. This is a really good piece of work.

They say that 'turnabout is fair play', so please feel welcome to visit my port Ben Langhinrichs and review any of my work.

*Star* Write on! *Star*
369
369
Review of Depression Grew  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: E | (3.0)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
I see where you are trying to go with this, but it feels a bit too abstract for me. Without the title, I wouldn't have had any idea what you were describing.

What I liked most
It's leaves separated at the stem
reflected times of now and then

This sounds good, although I am still not completely sure what it means.

My general suggestions
I think you need to get just a bit more concrete. It is OK to use symbolism, but if your imagery echoed depression a bit more, it would help.

Technical issues
It's roots -> This should be "Its", as it should be "It's stem", "It's leaves", "It's petals" and "It's color".

before my eye's -> Should be "eyes".

Conclusion
Generally, I like where you are going with this, but I had to mark it lower until you get a chance to edit it further.

They say that 'turnabout is fair play', so please feel welcome to visit my port Ben Langhinrichs and review any of my work.

*Star* Write on! *Star*
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370
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: E | (4.5)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
A heartfelt and touching story. Even though the unlikely assistance doesn't feel terribly surprising, the way it is handled is very sweet.

What I liked most
I like the way the mix of thoughts impels him to leave, even as he realizes he shouldn't.

My general suggestions
None. I like the wya you handled this.

Technical issues
to argree -> Typo. Should be "agree".

Conclusion
A lovely story with a very nice sentiment. I am marking it down slightly for a touche of the cliche, but only slightly, as it was handled so well.

They say that 'turnabout is fair play', so please feel welcome to visit my port Ben Langhinrichs and review any of my work.

*Star* Write on! *Star*
371
371
Review of At the Mall  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
Well described, tense, but enjoyable story.

What I liked most
I liked the building tension, and the clever resolution.

My general suggestions
I was a bit confused by where the clerks in the dress shop were.

Technical issues
None that I saw. Good job. *Thumbsup*

Conclusion
I thought the story was quite good. I did have the hesitation I mentioned above, so I am going to mark it down half a star, but otherwise, fine work.

They say that 'turnabout is fair play', so please feel welcome to visit my port Ben Langhinrichs and review any of my work.

*Star* Write on! *Star*
372
372
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
Simply marvelous poem. I hope you win your contest.

What I liked most
I like the echo from the first stanza and the last. Very effective.

My general suggestions
None to make. It all rang true for me (and I have three kids of my own, the oldest is 21, the youngest is 13, so they are rapidly growing up on my, despite my wishes)
.
Technical issues
I didn't see any problems. Good job. *Thumbsup*

Conclusion
Thanks for writing and sharing this gem.

They say that 'turnabout is fair play', so please feel welcome to visit my port Ben Langhinrichs and review any of my work.

*Star* Write on! *Star*
373
373
Review of Sideburns  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
A wonderful, and well told, story. Thanks for sharing this.

What I liked most
I liked that the protaganist doesn't sugarcoat the way he/she and friends acted. That felt very real and made the whole story work well.

My general suggestions
None. Well done as it is.

Technical issues
WE looked around -> Typo. Should be "We".

one hot Summer -> "Summer" should not be capitalized in this context.

Conclusion
I thought this was a great story. I am giving you full marks despite the minor typos, as I thought this was very well done.

They say that 'turnabout is fair play', so please feel welcome to visit my port Ben Langhinrichs and review any of my work.

*Star* Write on! *Star*
374
374
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: E | (5.0)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
Fascinating mixture of poetry and story and fable. Well done.

What I liked most
The back and forth about cats. That sounds just like conversation I have with my children.

My general suggestions
None.

Technical issues
None that I saw (aside from the obvious poetic license taken with punctuation and capitalization).

Conclusion
I really enjoyed this. More than I thought I would when I just started reading, but it really grows on you. Thanks for sharing.

They say that 'turnabout is fair play', so please feel welcome to visit my port Ben Langhinrichs and review any of my work.

*Star* Write on! *Star*
375
375
Review of Bad Manners  
Review by Ben Langhinrichs
Rated: E | (4.0)
This review is offered in the spirit of encouragement and assistance. I appreciate your sharing your work, and am simply sharing my opinion in return. I hope it can be of use.

Overall impression
An interesting and slightly strange poem. I enjoyed reading it.

What I liked most
we've let our guard down too low
deceit has stolen our way

These lines work really well. I also like the unusual point of view of the author of the poem.

My general suggestions
I am not sure why you refer to "we" and "us" in te early part of the poem, then to "I" later, but it feels off a bit.

Technical issues
its time to get back -> Should be "it's".

Conclusion
Keep on writing your interesting an unique poems.

They say that 'turnabout is fair play', so please feel welcome to visit my port Ben Langhinrichs and review any of my work.

*Star* Write on! *Star*
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