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2 Total Reviews Given
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Review by Brenda Jones
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Wisegirl,

Have you thought about changing point of view? Sometimes the 'I' can make you skip over details. Try your piece through third person, and see if you can refocus and bring the details in your setting more sharply. That way you can have more action, instead of telling the reader that your character is afraid, vengeful, etc. This sounds like a great beginning to a story or perhaps an opening to a fantasy novel. Good job!
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Review by Brenda Jones
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Fifthwood,

Very detailed piece of writing you have here. It could easily be part of a fantasy story or novel chapter. Good description of what's happening in the scene.

I would tell you to put in some fore shadowing or flashback, but I don't know if you intend for this to stand on its own as a flash? Most flash has to have some sort of twist or logical ending. Perhaps you could add a prologue after It is time. Time for what? As an example.
Good, crisp writing. Good job!
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