I'm not prone to awarding five stars, but this definitely deserves the highest rating. It's a poignant peek into a doctor-assisted suicide, crafted with appropriate sensitivity and compassion.
The realistic dialogue and setting are the powerful elements supporting this tiny piece of flash fiction. You've managed to capture an elderly couple's life and the impending death of one of them in a concise manner.
It was an enjoyable, albeit short, read of a very controversial subject. Excellent work!
What is the point of this article? Is it written as a third-person observer or as an opinion? I'm not sure, as it seems to attempt to do both. On the one hand, you mention that "Reform of the United Nations Security Council took a step forward last week." Yet, you go on to say that "Many, not just Americans, doubt that the security council can ever be reformed."
If you are critical of the U.S. role in the process, you need to maintain unity of your opinion throughout the article. I'm assuming, perhaps incorrectly, that this is an article of a journalistic nature? If so, you need to let your readers know your orientation and intentions.
On a technical level, this needs a lot of work. There are numerous misspellings that need to be corrected. This would never get past the Editor's desk in its current form. I would strongly suggest using a spelling/grammar checker that's normally included with every word-processing software program.
"On June 8 the secretary of state, Condolezza Rice"
[s/b Secretary of State, as it's a named title]
"German foreign minister, Joschka Fischer"
[s/b Foreign Minister, same reason as above; if the names didn't follow, then it would be o.k. as they are]
"But lingering unhappiness with Gerhard Schroder"
[s/b Schroeder]
"Many, not just Americans, doubt that the security council"
[s/b Security Council]
"vested interests and national rivalaries are at stake."
[s/b rivalries]
"of which five are the permanent veto-weilding"
[s/b veto-wielding]
"new permanent members, who are un-named at pesent"
[s/b present]
"The resolution has the backing of 25 co-sponsers"
[s/b co-sponsors]
"The G4 would submit their own proposals however each has it own opponent"
[s/b its]
OK, I'm just evaluating on the story line and content.
The opening is somewhat confusing, as it seems that Livia is in the car with Michael yet there's no reference to her after he sees the first "flash". All the "action" involves only Michael. I would add a few lines of dialogue, such as Livia screaming when he slams on the brakes and she's shoved forward (pregnant and all).
I would also start the beginning with a hook to grab the reader. Perhaps begin with Michael being hit by the truck when he gets out of the car. Then flashback to him and Livia in the car, etc.
It was also kind of confusing when you began using the terms "Hunter", "Master", "Soul". I wasn't sure at that point which one was referring to whom. Maybe a better transition from the point when he sees the flames on his fingers?
There are a lot of "hellish" stories out there, so I would add some good twists. You might have some in store with the full-blown story after this. For instance, Michael could discover that, as a soul, he has no body now and as a spirit he can do things that his corporeal state wouldn't allow - like seeing in 360 degrees, flash from one point to another, etc.
All the above is just my humble opinion as a reader of this rough draft. It WAS interesting and I look forward to reading the full, polished version!
The scene is very vividly described, with an excellent character description of Big Eddie. However, we know nothing about Woody. Was he skinny, short, etc. A passing reference of him would help.
Dialogue is absent, as Big Eddie is the only one talking. I would give Woody a line or two that helps establish their relationship, such as: "C'mon Eddie, let's work this out", or "Hey! We're friends right? What's da problem?" I realize this is a flash fiction piece, but one or two lines from Woody wouldn't hurt.
You also seem to be telling in some instances, rather than showing. Both of the third and fourth paragraphs start out with "Eddie". I'd rearrange the order to avoid that.
All in all, it's got some humorous passages and a realistic setting. A good start for the short story version.
It's somewhat difficult to evaluate this character in a vacuum. I have a problem with the "believability" factor, as this guy would have been fired long ago for his attitude and language. His vocabulary seems limited with an overemphasis on the word "f***." But hey, it's fiction and a possibility I guess. LOL I presume you live in G.B., due to the spelling of "favourite" and the reference to "Milton Keynes." Maybe his language would be tolerated in the U.K.? I can almost guarantee he would be fired if working in the States. (I did some tech support in an I.T. Dep't)
I like the amusing references to Sean, his size, and his bad eye. Your description of him presents a realistic image. In fact, it kind of reminds me of the database manager in Dan Brown's "Digital Fortress."
I'm not sure if you also wanted the grammatical construction critiqued.
Insofar as the character Sean Mullins, it's a good one. Surly, obese, crude. Is he an average techie, or a genius? I would work his competency into the character.
Some nits on grammar and 2-cent suggestions:
"Sean Mullins, built like a sumo-wrestler, was"
[I would cut the "built like a sumo-wrestler" out of the first sentence and move it to where he "backward crawled out his sumo-wrestler frame". I would probably word it: "Sean Mullins was wedged under a desk, fixing a computer and angrily muttering to himself."]
"That’s it, no more calls today, they can all go and f*** themselves." [change the comma after "today" to a semi-colon]
This is an enjoyable story, cleverly constructed to illustrate the problem of communication and the traps of interpretation. It's difficult enough between two different nationalities on Earth, but takes a quantum leap when engaged in a dialogue with "little green men."
Your opening hook describing the two little green men sitting at the table with you is perfect. It really grabs the reader and makes him want to see what this is all about.
The character descriptions, although stock, were particularly enriched with the aliens' antics.
The dialogue banter was excellent, giving us a peek into their thought processes as well as ours.
The reference to rectal probes and abductions having limited value was hilarious, but not as much as having the alien hit on Stephanie! They are apparently as enamored of mammary glands as I am.
You also seem to provide us with a quick intro to "Philosophy 101". That in itself could bog down the average reader, but you keep our attention with the amusing antics and dialogue of the aliens. Some of the paragraphs were quite lengthy, though, and I would consider breaking them down even further.
The reference to rectal probes and abductions having limited value was hilarious, but not as much as having the alien hit on Stephanie! They are apparently as enamored of mammary glands as I am.
Some nits on grammar:
“But what right do we have to expect anything more from creatures who use only 10% of their brains?
[change "who" to "that"]
Well, epistemology is the human study of how and why we know; therefore, beings whoare epistemically
[change "who" to "that"]
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