Nice job..I hope you got a good mark from your english teacher, that would be a better marker than any comments I can offer in regards to composition. As I read through your article I was wondering when you were going to start talking about flirting. I think you may have confused flirting with ' how to meet and get a date with that certain some one". or " How to get noticed " It is a good article , but you might consider changing the title. Other than that nice work . thanks for sharing
Joel aka BrotherNature
Good job. I did notice one typeO, great should be greet. ( like the kettle calling the pot black )
You accomplished what you set out to do though and that is....( If I got this right ) to portray yourself as a Mommy , an employee , a home maker , and a sexy and desirable lover.
When I read about the red silk pantys and the stocking I thought ..." oh boy!!! I'm gonna get a glimps into the her bedroom". Then when you both drifted off to sleep I thought ..." crap!! it was a glimps into my bedroom"
After reading your story I read your story discription. ( for Mommies ) I think that your story would help with marriages and relationships if it was read by Daddies too.
Nicely done , Thank-You for sharing.
Joel aka BrotherNature
I liked your story, and I think kids would like it too. It does seem a bit more geared towards boys with the....ants and bugs and losing things. but girls would relate to it as well, as it was a bit of a mystery and was cute.
As I was reading I imagined what the illustrations might look like. So you might be pleased to know, your book was very cool in my mind. As a suggestion, you might try breaking up the paragraphs, to make a higher page count and incorporate more illustrations. Unless the idea is to include this story in a book of stories, that take up a page or two per story.
Good story, well done
Thank-you for sharing
Joel aka BrotherNature
Lol. That about sums it up. Well done ! Your poem was fun to read, the promise of humor kept me trying to figure where you were going with it, and I missed it. Your ending was real good, it delivered on the promise of humor. As I read, My thought on the last line was- da da da da ( whatever)...a fine looking mare.
Nice Job Thanks for sharing
cheers
Good story and well told. Well written in my opinion ( novice at best ) .I totally related to Hal's tardy habit, as I also am never on time. I had one employer that allowed me a flexible starting time, but when I left that job I had difficulty with other employers.On one job when I arrived late for the first time , my boss told me that if I came in late again he'd have to let me go. I responded by saying "then I might as well quit right now", and I did. Sorry it's not much of a reveiw of your story. So I just changed your rating from 4.0 to a 5.0. great job.
keep on writing and thank-you for sharing.
cheers
I'm not qualified to reveiw your work on composition, but it read well for me and I didn't notice any spelling errors.
I'll start by saying I agree with the idea you put forward which is, We are indeed at a crossroads, and There is a choice of directions we can take as a society.
One thing I liked about your work, is that you did not present it a doomsday prediction full of fears from unseen forces that we are powerless against. Your work showed that there is hope for the future and that we ( as a society ) have developped skills to survive almost anything.
An idea I will seed with you( for a future article ) is ..What percentage of our earths population will embrace the nesseary changes we have to adopt to ensure our survival, and what percentage ( out of fear,greed,or ignorance ) will choose to cling onto the old and ride out the planet untill it can no longer susstain life?
BTW I like your handle
Thanks for sharing
cheers
Joel
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/brothernature/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.27 seconds at 2:29pm on May 04, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
