You have a raw talent; it is a natural rhythm. But, there is no getting out of taking writing courses. If you do, you will do well. If you don't your writing will be cute, but only one dimensional. Either way, enjoy writing!
You definitely have the use of adjectives and descriptive writing down, but there is no flow to your piece. The best way to develop your own sense of rhythm is to read the pros poetry. You can take some of their ideas, they won't mind. And, you don't seem to have an end goal. What do you want to say in your piece? I can tell you took time writing it, so writing must be important to you. Don't give up, read the pros then write. Soon, you will become better than even you imagined.
Venture usually means to go towards, not away from. So, I'm not sure what you were trying to accomplish. But, of course they see you, everyone sees you, so relax you are always noticed and appreciated. Be yourself and the rest comes naturally.
You come very close to capturing the essence you are trying to, but you fall short. You need to follow thru to the end of each point. But, that's just one opinion.
I liked your poem. It is a variation of a theme that has been done many times, but you can never have too many warnings to the "it'll never happen to me" crowd. Best of luck.
I wanted to write, too. And, I am. I got a job, paid for each class and eventually got my degree. I was not angry at my mom for not paying. If my mom had a million dollars and didn't pay then, yes I suppose one could call her neglectful. You wallow in hatred. If you have a son, I suggest you strengthen your character. Everyone in this world knows if you have unprotected sex, you will become pregnant. Don't blame a bottle for your laziness to help yourself. And, if you try suicide, remember you may not be as healthy the day after the attempt as you are the day before.
If you want to read for children, you must teach values and lessons in a fun, light tale. Your story was very violent, even if you didn't use violent words. Also, children's stories must match the age group, to do that you should use dialogue. You could never sell a children's story without dialogue. In fact, children's stories are mostly dialogue. Good luck!
I enjoyed reading your prose, it was sad, but I did enjoy reading it. If being a poet is what you wish to be, then I would replace a few of the words with others that may fit better. But, if your goal is not to be a professional poet, then it was great! I felt sad after I read the poem, which I think you wanted the reader to feel, so your message did come across.
What a provoking piece. You have captured the essence of the jester, I was not sure whether I should like him, or not. And, that is the jester. Your twists of his character were done so eloquently, and at the best possible spot.
I loved your poem. If I had to choose a word that matched the emotion it evoked in me, I would choose melancholy. It was also melodic, which I enjoyed. Also, where I once tread is fine, you don't need <used to> I can see only one line that doesn't fit, or flow<the times that I lost when I tried to fight> It was a very enjoyable read, though!
I do not doubt that someone caused you great pain, and I am sorry for that. But, you are a fantastic writer. If you are wondering what your talent is. Your talent is writing, stick with it. You are very good!
Perhaps, if you wrote your poetry as if you were writing in a journal, then added along with your experience, some positive fictional experiences. Together the mixture of the two could really blend well. Good Luck!
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/burkekelly
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.20 seconds at 10:37pm on May 10, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
