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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/carcar
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3 Public Reviews Given
3 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by carcarpapageo
Rated: E | (3.5)
R.L. Lewis,

This is a good little story, from its very title, to its premise, to its "punch-line" ending. I must admit I had some difficulty reading parts of it, due to the occasionally longer sentences without any commas to indicate the appropriate pausing points, but, as a whole, I rather enjoyed it. My stepdaughter is a Pacific Islander, so I kind of imagined her as the narrator of your story; this made it even more personally enjoyable to me.

Thank you for sharing your experience in this fun way!
Carlos
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Review by carcarpapageo
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
You have an interesting premise here. I'm pretty sure a lot of good ideas come from short stories such as this and are made into novels and maybe eventually even movies. If you choose to edit and/or expand this, I'm sure the reader would like to be offered explanations for why the chips make people immune to disease and create other "perfections". The protagonist's transition from this supposed life of bliss to life after his chip removal seems quite realistic. I'd also like to see more imagery, not just what the characters think but what they feel, especially to contrast living with the chip implant to learning to live without it, knowing first-hand what it was like to have lived with the chip for a significant period of time.
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Review of Label Me  
Review by carcarpapageo
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very interesting. Usually being labeled is considered a bad thing, but this individual wants--seems to crave--to be labeled, to signify simply that he is noticed. It feels in part to be a poem of unrequited love and in part to be a poem about depression, or perhaps feeling as if one is invisible...perhaps all three. It's solemn and intriguing. I like it.
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