Hi there, i logged in after a very long time and lo and behold! I find this from 10 years ago!
Thanks for submitting and what follows is my review.
The poetry is simple and i like how you have taken a minimilistic approach here. My advise would be to maybe add some rhyme to it, i think it will jazz it up but if that isn't what you want to do; theen maybe you can reduce the repitition a bit; its almost over-powering the poetic content.
I believe its not the religion that must be feared; but the religious that tread on blindly without questioning and re-affirming their faith! Glad to read your thoughts, you truly are one of those few souls who see beyond the obvious!
Good job for a first poem! u can make this better, by adding more imagery around what you're trying to convey. use metaphors and similies to stress a point or to just add to the overall imaginitive aspect of the poem, remember, poetry is telling something in style!
your starting is very nice......i liked the way it flowed......but then from the middle part of the 3rd para onwards u somehow seem to go off the road.....its not clear then wht ur talking bout......but all in all i enjoyed the poem.....u have the gift and the potential lies to be fully tapped......
best way is to read your poems aloud that way you 'hear' your poem adn can better judge how its flowing by the sound of it......
keep writing!
cheers :)
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