Very true, we all have two sides, the good and the bad.
We'll all be complete when the Lord takes us home though. Great job with this poem, it's sometimes hard to get to the point with very few words, but the last line said it in one. Great work!!
Chris
Hi,
Wow, this is really good!!! I have an idea for the finish. The reason that you are holding yourself captured is that you are a prisoner to your own bad habits. (Or something of the sorts.) In order to escape you must defeat the evil that is inside of you. Just a thought, use it if you think it fits. I like that little twist in the end. Keep writing.
Chris
That's pretty good. I think the end should've had the father own up to his wrongs and apologize, but that's just me. Overall, this is a great story. You use imagery quite well throughout, so I could picture it all in my mind. And the story is sad but heart warming at the same time. Keep writing.
Chris
WOW!!! For being the first poem you've ever written this is awesome. I consider myself a musician as well, so this is a very powerful piece to me. I wasn't sure where this was going until the very end, and what a powerful finish it was. The only reason I didn't rate it perfect is that you rhymed out with out. Maybe you could look at it again and something will hit you. All that said, this is a great piece and you should be proud.
Chris
I know just how that feels. But we can't always focus on the past, just like the last line implies. If we spend all of our time focussed on the what if's, we'll eventually end up with nothing but those what if's. That's why I try to focus on the now, the past is done and can't be changed, the future we can shape right now. Great job, keep writing.
Chris
Great job, I'm sorry to hear that you are, (or were), hurting. Just try to remember the good, focus on that for a while and see what happens. They say the sun shines after the rain, it might take time, but that sun will shine again on you. Good job and keep writing.
Chris
I enjoy reading your work. The repitition in this is good, but became just a bit too much toward the end. Maybe you can consider changing that to every two stanzas. That's just my thought, of course follow your heart. That was minute in comparison to the point behind this poem. The Lord washes us clean when we ask him and mean it. You can't have a better friend than Jesus, and your poem portrays that as well. Thanks for posting your work, you're a very talented writer.
Chris
Very good poetry, I, (personally), would have the last line from one stanza rhyme with the last line from the next stanza. I was almost expecting to see that rhyme scheme. Other than my own personal difference, great poetry. I enjoyed the imagery, and I wasn't stumbling through the metre, which is good. Keep writing.
Chris
Very good!! But you can't let people get you down. We all have imperfections, God made us that way. Every single one of us, not just you, so He could fulfil His plan of sening His Son. Just because some people like to think they're above others, that's no reason to beat yourself up. The people who think like that are the ones with issues. I know it's hard to do sometimes, but focus on the good. Make your now happen, so the dreams of your future can come true. Keep writing.
Chris
I can feel your emotion through this. The rhythm was off and rhyme broken in parts, but your message is conveyed, and that's the whole point. Just a grammer thing I thought I'd point out. In the second line, You wrote "we", a "will" would probably work better. Good job.
Chris
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