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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/craycraysusie
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2 Public Reviews Given
2 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I will usually focus on the flow of your content whether it is a poem or story or something else entirely. Meaning that I will usually point out areas that make your content harder to read through smoothly. Whether that is grammar description, or something else. I am not the best for grammar questions by themselves.
Public Reviews
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Review by Cracraysusie
Rated: E | (4.0)
This sounds like a hero who’s almost given up, but is still holding on to hope. This idea definitely could be expanded on if you want to that is.
I will say that this sentence below could use some rewriting in my opinion. I can see something of what you’re trying to say but I’m confused by crushing-solidified chunks. Is evil using agony to bury the corpse? Or are you/ the hero/the or reader being buried in agony? These are just questions to consider if you want to work on rewriting this sentence.
“The evil is crushing-solidified chunks of agony and pain, burying a corpse beneath the dirt.”
Maybe instead it could be,
The evil is crushing us with agony like we are a corpse being buried beneath the dirt.
Otherwise happy writing!

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Review by Cracraysusie
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is rather lovely 💙. It seems like this ballerina has lost someone and that maybe the blue isn’t just a color but a feeling of grief of missing that person whom they lost.
I would keep an eye on word the structure of each line and to allow the rhyme of embrace and space to make more impact I would make it like this:

into the overbearing embrace
of empty space

Now know this is simply how I would write it, creative freedom is important and you don’t have to listen to me. However playing with the structure on a freestyle poem like this can be a good exercise either way. Happy writing!
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