*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/crazycat/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
Review Requests: OFF
108 Public Reviews Given
133 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 -2- ... Next
26
26
Review of Strange Tree  
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: E | (2.5)
After working for more than forty years, when Mr. Wood retired, he decided to have a rest. Far away from the noise and tumult of the city, he dreamed of a pretty house in the country, with a big garden where he could grow his own vegetables and trees , which would help him relax for the rest of his life. His wife, Mrs. Wood, agreed when he told her his idea. They searched for three weeks before they found a big, excellent, stone house in a quiet place, just like he fancied, with its garden and appearance. He thought it was where they would live perfectly and close their eyes in peace. The old house appeared to have had no care for a long time so they worked a lot to clean it up. Two weeks later, they moved in. After working for four days, finally, they rested in the well-furnished house and had a normal life.

As Mr. Wood toiled in the garden, Mrs. Wood prepared delicious meals for her dear husband, with the fresh vegetables he picked. Everything was just perfect. However,in the garden near their bedroom was a huge tree with long branches touching the window. Because of it, they heard screechy sounds. So that afternoon, Mr. Wood decided to cut the long top branches so that they would have a quiet night, maybe only softly-blowing wind would whistle outside. And so did he. That night he hoped to sleep well before falling asleep. However, at the middle of the night, his wife's prodding woke him. She whispered that there was a knock on the window. He said she must have been in a dream. But when he listened carefully, there, on the window was really a knock. And it was becoming stronger and louder. Feeling cold, they both shook. Mrs. Wood was the first who spoke, getting calmer, she said it must have been the tree making that noise. Just before Mr. Wood tried to tell his wife he had cut down the branches and so it was impossible for them reach the window, she had already pulled back the curtains. Then she screamed. And they both stood like a cold stone. Outside was an old man with a waxy skin, sad and black eyes, a tired face and long white hair moving in the wind. Mr. Wood stared at his wife, eyes wide, breath locked in his chest. With a racing heart, he grabbed her hand and pulled her downstairs. They spent the night there.

When the first lights of the day shone through the house, they woke up, feeling uncomfortable as they had slept on the chairs. They looked each other, and before saying even a word, they heard a knock on the door. Mrs. Wood started to shake again. She seemed very pale. But Mr. Wood was angry then, standing up, he opened the door. A well-dressed old lady stood outside, holding a plate full of cookies in her hands. She said she was their neighbor living down the road, adding she wanted to say ‘welcome’ to them.
Mr. Wood looked at her stupidly. It was Mrs. Wood who pushed him away and took the lady in. After introducing, Mr. and Mrs. Wood apologized for their weird behaviors. They started to tell the story.
While listening, the woman seemed curious about the man. When they described his appearance , a teardrop fell down from her cheeks. Mr. and Mrs. Wood were shocked again. After a minute, the lady started talking: ‘That man was the servant of the house. The owner of it was a rich man and pleased with his faithful servant who he had spent many years with. Unfortunately, one night, a thief broke into the house and killed the rich man. He ruan away, taking all the expensive things and the money in the house. On the morning, when his servant found his cold bloody dead body in the bed, he called the police. But what a pity that nobody believed him. he was accused of the murder.’ The old lady took a deep breath then. Another tear dropped down, she went on. ‘That servant was my lover. And I’m damned sure that he can’t have done such a thing to his beloved sir.’ Mr. and Mrs. Wood felt sorry for that poor man. They asked why he came that night. The woman continued talking: ‘As he was blamed for the murder, they decided to hang him on a branch of that tree. And yesterday was the anniversary of his death.' Mr. and Mrs. Wood were cold and dizzy. Finally Mrs. Wood cried, asking ‘What the hell does he want from us?’.

The lady thought for a while. She was connecting to her dead lover. Then she answered in an old man’s voice, with her eyes turned into black:

‘I want you to heed my screams and help. I’m innocence. I want you to save me from the darkness of this wrong decision. I won’t let you have a quiet night until I’m not notorious anymore! And then, my blood will move away from the roots of the tree and my soul will leave you in peace…. ‘
27
27
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
The way you described the prophetic abilities just doesn't quite cut the amazingness of the ability. It seems too much like an info dump, unlike the descriptions of her father and her past life [which were very well done, by the way.]

Maybe re-tailor the description for later, or slowly introduce it within dialogue, just try to change it in some way. This is just a suggestion, of course.

Also there is some passivity again. Its okay to have it in the description of her past life, but you might need to tone it down when it comes to some descriptions, otherwise that faux feeling might return. Superb language and style, though. Its slowly gathering a convincing energy required of the suspense genre.
28
28
Review of Photon's Dance  
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: E | (5.0)
I'm not exactly the guru in poetry, since i'm generally scared away by what i see. On my terms, poetry should be understandable, whatever genre it is, i don't like too many twists and turns in language, at least, until i gain that skill. Fresh Five for you, humourous, light, and informative. Its pretty good. Of course, the color might need a different shade, it doesn't stick to me as something that complements the poem. Yellow would've been nice, but obviously that would be wiped out.... Consider changing it to something more visible?

In any case, i think people should really see this. Good work.
29
29
Review of Vampire night  
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: E | (4.0)
Laugh out Loud, honestly. This is my first madlib and i'm not dissapointed. This turned out crazy, and sort of made sense here and there, however my professional writing side cant help but notice the typos! Fix that, please.
30
30
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Oh man oh man, this is awesome, aside from the fact that you managed to avoid repeating any word at all, the story itself has a sad and shocking finish. I was wondering why you received so many ratings, and thought it was just one of those things, but you definitely deserve the full five stars, great creativity and sublime originality!
31
31
Review of Initiate Pt. 1  
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Its quite a huge piece, you might need to divide it up a bit. Theres a lot of bashing, but it seems strong enough. A lot of questions are raised, so that's good as well. Later you might need to go over it with spell check and all that, and maybe the fragmented paragraphs are a little too much. If they got a bit fatter, it wouldn't hurt the flow of the story. Seeing that no major plot has been developed yet i can't give a four or above, so here is a 3.5. Good luck with the rest of the story.
32
32
Review of The Guide  
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: E | (4.5)
Its a very touching story, very informative and suprisingly religious. Its a nice tale of wisdom and suffering, and you employed a unique array of characters, where everyone in the end, was wrong and had something to learn. The words in this story are very much true, and i enjoyed reading it. Grammatically it was generally okay, but i was thrown off track once or twice at the mention of cars in such an olden time. I suggest you switch cars with horses or something like that, since the story seems to be set in the old times. The dialogue is very good, and you arrived at the point in a timely manner, good plot, good theme, good climax. Its poetic as well.
33
33
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a really commendable effort, the names and setting are solid, and the plot has been delivered almost immediately within this short space of words. You obviously had some patience and/or skill enough to plan out the entire problem, and I’m sure you know where your going with this. I honestly enjoyed reading this segment, but that’s not conclusive since this is obviously a prologue to the story itself, and I really hope you maintain the same narrative skills and tact to bring along a convincing story.

However, just to point out, do you think ANT would seem like an aggressive name for a pompous and aggressive allegiance? This is, of course, purely just a suggestion, I wouldn’t want you to change something that makes you comfortable with writing your story.

Also, as it is with politics and life in general, I think it would be better if you let the reader choose his side. In this segment, you have clearly defined ANT as the enemy, and the Uysan as the goodguys by using the words such as “, the ANT was too proud to admit fault in chasing an Empire member” or “in all its pride it overlooked the rulers of Sky Keep.” It’d be good if you let the reader decide simply by the actions of ANT, of course, if this prologue is a classified military file written by someone against the ANT, then it would be acceptable, and my apologies for not catching in on that.

Good luck with the rest of the story, I’ll wait for the ensuing conflict.
34
34
Review of 119  
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a horrific, well calculated and deeply researched story with the amount of cunning, intruigue and obvios planning that seems to have a good chance at reaching Tom Clancy levels of plot making if possible. I was doubtful before i first arrived at the story but saw what it was about and began reading. It was tedious work to read [and i can't imagine how it was to write] but i made it through. And i am glad. This story indeed almost seems plausible, and we can tell you put alot of work.
I shouldn't lie that i am politically updated or in active discussion of these things, but i have atleast the sense to know that this is a good way to show your ideas on serious stuff like this, and it will obviously give people alot to think of. This thing should go into discussion.
I'm impressed.

Review by,
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
35
35
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
REVIEW FOR THE MILLENNIUM POTION

Blow away book of space-thrill and narrative expertise. I didn’t sleep on this one, and it pains me that it hasn’t been finished yet. I will be eagerly waiting the continuation.

I have so many things to compliment on I’m not sure If I’ll sound quite right, but in the end you should know that this book. This book is one of the pieces of literature I’m just SURE has to get published, and pronto at that.
And now, the review:


This Millennium Potion novel is a smashing sci-fi novel. It has the classic feel to the sci-fi of today and yet, the characters put in here have an overwhelming life to them. Like she was taking the words exactly from real living people. The accents, their thoughts, their separate ways of speaking are so perfected and clean of any pseudo-personalities that happen often under the influence of other sources. If there is Macho in the story it’s a macho of its own, and the way the story starts from ground zero curving upwards through different twists in the plots is amazing. I see so many characters to like and loathe, and you really start to live in the book: accidentally dreaming of other things and feeling for the characters.
It makes me wonder that classic sci-fi can be so fun without scaring me off with naming that seems to be a must in the genre. In this book draft the nick naming, and the gritty wild environment reflecting block-buster movies like Star Wars makes it an honest fiction on human nature and evil. Boiled just right and served with a chill of Betrayal, Destiny, Mission, Thrill, Discovery, Insanity, and Death. It’s a dish from out-of-space I really wish I could’ve read as a book in my hands. I’m at least looking forward to its completion and publishing and am sure it’ll get the acclaim it deserves. I really don’t know how to put how many feelings ran through me when reading this story. It’s so amazing to read, I just can’t get over it. I read it from around nine and stopped the next day at around 4. A thing that does that is good. Very good.
This thing is golden material. Sara King represents one of the top [if not the top] writers in the sci-fi genre here on WDC and beyond.

I could go through step by step criticism. But there were no chapters to refer to. I’ll just say this was a good book. The author knows her language, she knows her people and she can imagine and add factual structure to her ideas. If I could log all the separate histories that this book tells you’d be amazed: she has a world brewing here, and its not a dormant 2D world on a one-way mirror.
However,

The naming of the chapters seemed to have been… forgotten. In my opinion I think the chapters should simply be numbers alone and maybe titles for whole new parts [e.g. PART TWO: SPACE RATS]
The other thing I suggest might need changing is a slight tweak to the title. Millennium Potion has a fantasy feel to it. Cure for Immortality was going somewhere[even though it’s a chapter title] But I really doubt if this will be possible with it’s constant reference in any case. But think on it. These are the only things I have against this book, and I’ll leave it at there.

Thank you Sara for letting me read this and I am looking forward to the continuation of the draft. My salutations to this novel.
Cheers.
"Invalid Item
"Invalid Item
36
36
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I haven't quite finished the entire thing but your language is suprisingly complex and structured enough to convince us that your knowledgable about the genre of science-fiction. From what i've read Julian is quite a character and he has quite a crew. I promise to give you my full feed back as soon as possible. At the moment i'll dump my rating on the character, speech and grammar. What remains is story line and plot. Note that i'l give my full review later, therefore the rating here doesn't reflect fully on the story.
37
37
Review of A.P.I.  
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
It had something i'm very sad to say you might've failed to put in the right story. It could be a story with more of a plot structure, the first part was maybe a bit delaying and it jumped to the point to slow. When it did get to the point of the A.P.I there was simply a talk [very constructive and proffesional, though] drawn out to the end. Another talk. Your dialogue is superb, but the story needs, like all stories do, a CONFLICT: I can only detect the slightest conflict from the father but i'm not really sure. The brother and sister barely do anything and i think you shadowed The sister too much. You didn't give her much speech or action unlike the boy. Which made the point of a duo slightly slack.
The over mention of scientific advancements in any of your stories communities are allowed. But do not clutter up the true work by showing us every single thing and distracting the reader from the true story. I suggest you do not repeat things like the radio scene in the beginning.

THEME is also important in the story. The Moral, the teaching, the argument. You insistently nailed it into the reader's mind when you made the A.P.I explain it for us and the sister cry. THEME's are best presented when you put it hidden in the story and let the reader figure it out, contemplate it and feel good that they found it. Then they can apprecieate that the writer pulled of something so secret yet moralful. Its like being amazed by a magic trick and finally finding it out. So THEME is important: Don't tell the reader the THEME. Let him figure it out.

SETTING: was okay in the story, but remember: scientific gadgets should not be over stuffed into our minds. You also lacked the general environment and the narrator's touch. This story was more like a dialogue when bringing the characters to different places and stuff; it didn't tell of the scene properly

I am sorry if this sounds terribly critical but i need you to understand you smothered what would've been a nice story. You can do something so amazing from these plots. If only you develop them.
38
38
Review of Lost At Sea  
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: E | (3.5)
It isn't bad, but after 'song' you could add a bit more. Did i say once you should try writing more. At least a bit. Your ideas are good and creative. Compacting them is sometimes tough and in the end the finishings are not quite the best they could be. I'll have to give you a 3.5 with this one. Which means its Good, but could be very much better. Just a few more words to whip up that cream and you've got it. I know you can do it.
39
39
Review of Noble Sacrifice  
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is the 2nd best 55 word story i've read so far. [Don't matter. You're coupled with the other one] I can obviously tell the whole idea and its good that unlike some other stories it leaves a good suspense and a nice theme. Stanza to stanza it develops without need for description. I envy this style in writers.
40
40
Review of Raven  
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Shes a nice bounty hunter and the descriptions are nice. But you've got a wobbly foundation here. You jumped to the action without even telling us properly of the setting. And what's the big event of the story. The introductory problem? Flash backs are not advisable in the first chapter, unless you pull it off well. Writing is like dominoes and your supposed to tip the story over at the right time and make connections that FLOW fowards. Flashbacks in the begging without any call for it can damage your story. I suggest you hold onto the background information in a folder somewhere, then write the thing with the problem, for example lets say the vampires are on rampage for some reason all of the sudden and she wants to find out... I don't know, but you need a convincing story, and though its amazing that you just thought of it, noone becomes good by sitting down and winning.
Try harder, i applaud you for the start though, and dont give up. I hope you know i've reviewed this long for you to get better. And I like potential.
41
41
Review of The Key To Life  
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: E | (4.0)
Its a good poem. And the words connect quite properly. The only thing is that 'life' poems have been written quite alot and many have already explored the topic. But don't get me wrong, its real nice and touching
42
42
Review of Hidden Talent  
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: E | (5.0)
You deserve this. Your really good you know? Merry Christmas.
42 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 2 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/crazycat/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2