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108 Public Reviews Given
133 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of The Tower  
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: E | (4.5)
Truly an amazing piece of work. 5 paragraphs in and I was hooked by the situation he had found himself in, however as the story progressed I had a feeling I was in for the kind of ending I've read. The paragraphs are each nice deliveries and testament to good description. I don't tend to like first person narratives but this really reeled me in. It was especially nice to be remindend of Stephen King's The Eyes of the Dragon, and a Korean Webtoon called Tower of God. Although The Eyes of the Dragon is more similar to this than that, and even so, I'd say it gives of more of a vibe of The Dark City or Richard Matheson's Button Button than anything else.


I spotted one error but I'm not sure I was on the look out for them so you may have to look into it again.

1. But this is a danger thought
*dangerous


A trippy nightmarish tale. The ending had really impressive descriptions. All in all really nicely done.
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Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Bastard! Hahaha, looks like the villain won this one. You put in a nice twist at the end there. Funny, fun! I enjoyed reading it.
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Review of Anonymous  
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: E | (4.0)
Yes! Write more in this vein! If only I could see the reactions to it. Well, I guess that sort of goes against the stance of the poem. I wish I was more calm about it, but those faceless trolls really get my goat like almost all the time haha. In any case, I think the best poetry is the one that actually means something, so I'd encourage writing in that vein.
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Review of Vertigo  
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: E | (4.0)
An enjoyable read in the vein of old school cyberpunk tales that switch perspectives as they like and force you to try to piece everything together properly. I must admit I sort of missed the main message, but I have my theories. I chalk that up to mostly my fault than anything else. I think one of the dialogues, the first time the chip technology was explained felt like an info dump, but the writing flowed along pretty nicely.

This feels like a nod to an already explored concept more than anything ground breaking or anything like that. The fact that no names are used doesn't make me feel too attached to the story, although it secures the feeling of mystery. In any case, I enjoyed reading it. Nice work.
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Review of Getting Fido  
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: E | (3.5)
The story seems more like a chapter of a bigger story or a glimpse at something without quite a strong plot to drive it,

However,

It's a pretty light hearted tell, and very enjoyable to read. Language is good so i don't bother looking at that as i read this. It has quite a nostalgic feel to it and dialogue and story flows very smoothly. It makes the reader smile, and I think these last points really paint the story in a good light.
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Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: E | (3.0)
Nice story. It read easily and that an interesting concept, but i feel like nothing was ultimately achieved. Of course, this is purely my own opinion.
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Review of Warmth  
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: E | (3.0)
It's awfully short, but i get the feeling. Something along these lines happened to me before.
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Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
That is just a powerful, tragic, horrific ending. As an overall the story should not be that completely unique but it feels so to me. Something about the delivery makes the story work out well. I had no suspicious as to how it would turn out and you quickly jumped in and dealt the ending before i could figure it out. I stared at the ending for some seconds. I was honestly shocked. It almost makes me want to write horror again.

Great one.
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Review of Internet Ted  
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I definitely laughed at the ending. I couldn't help it. It's a nice piece of flash fiction. I'm not a great fan of the genre but it was definitely worth the read.
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Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
It's been some time since I've read one of your works but I do remember your standards. They look as authentic as many printed sci-fi authors I've read, and almost every time i read your works I completely forget to write my notes for my planned review. A story that makes me want to read it rather than study it. Needless to say the story is enthralling. I liked the way the story reached its climax.
I was instantly tensed up at the fact that this calm cool detective would lose much more than i thought. At the same time you were showing a good futurustic detective story, you managed to paint a good amount of the surrounding setting.

The only grievance I have is that there isn't at least another interesting crime to solve for this detective.

Great piece of work. I can only imagine how much your writing has evolved on the two years after this work.
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Review of Human 2.0 Beta  
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: E | (1.0)
I'm sorry but you need at least 400 words to make something worth reading. That isn't such a tall order. Don't be lazy i'm sure you have a lot to tell.
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Review of Mindscape  
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: E | (3.5)
It's a great piece of work I feel really catches the whole spirit of the writer's mind. Just as promised in the synopsis. This, of all things, makes the poem stand out really well and very readable. I can't honestly vouch for the poem as I have yet to understand poetry completely but to me, it brought the point across loud and clear.

I only find that the flow was disrupted in the fifth stanza. For some reason it seems to take a deep step into despair and psycology rather than a narrative on the mind. Of course there are dark things in there but the words, combined with 'rape' really trow off the whole tone of the poem.

In any case it's a good piece of work and it was very much worth reading.
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Review of Life  
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: E | (1.5)
Realizing a lot of time has passed and that you have to grow up is a very interesting and (at least in my case) a much avoided topic. It is always sad to notice time has passed and it takes some effort to get used to the next stage of maturity. It's a very interesting topic.

However, despite the good message you could work on the formatting of the work. Add paragraphs after every idea. Also, while 'cellphone language' is acceptable in other sites (e.g http:www.text.novel.com) it doesn't fit here. In any case it doesn't seem appropriate to use such terse, teen like language on such an important topic.

Also make sure you present ideas in an ordered manner.

When you get through all that you have a nice, clipped work which presents and interesting message.
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Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: E | (3.5)
I can't help but smile at such a nice story.

But i must say even though it easily stands alone and tells its own story, i feel it'd be more complete with complimentary works. Maybe a compilation of some sort.
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Review of Deteriorate  
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: E | (2.0)
I'm not a great fan of dark writing, but it does get the point across. However you must realize unless you find a group that appreciates such writings the general public will ignore it. If you truly do want to write for years to come make sure you develop your talent and find similar works to be able to expand on your ideas.
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Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: 13+ | (1.5)
The premise is an interesting one at first and there is a hint of humor however, to be honest i'm not completely sure.

Firstly there was a typo somewhere 'hole' instead of 'whole' and some missing punctuation mark. 'maids' instead of 'maid's' but this isn't the thing that troubles me the most. I have read a good amount of mature writing whereby the narrator doesn't mind cursing or all but in here the narrator and the events come together in a way that troubled me. It didn't quite feel right as a slapstick comedy event. It read more like a glorification of misfortune.

I don't usually let it get to me but the 'very black frail water maid who struggles in the snow and almost dies' as an african, doesn't quite catch me as funny, and the swear words seem to glare out more than necessary. At least that's how they seem to me.

Also, for a man of this character the language is too measured and precise. I'd expect a faster language, less passive, more to the point and with more contractions. As it is it doesn't quite fit the character.

The only redeeming scenes are after the whole fiasco is done when the child cutely asks for to keep the snakes and the quick conclusion to the snake that crept into the bathroom. The story ending was also nice.

However the main body of the story is the important part and i think it could be pulled off in a better manner.
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Review of Time  
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: E | (3.5)
Nice piece of work, while the story on its own is very basic it somehow reads like a poetry in my view, so that makes up for that. I can't say that i was awed by it though, however, it is a commendable piece of work. I unfortunately don't know much of the philosophers so i can't comment on your technical accuracy
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Review of Cosmogony  
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is high class sci-fi. Such that it indeed deserves to be in print.

It's a very detailed plot. I can see from the way you've gone through everything without any breaks at all. The story is highly intellectual and thought provoking, and all if it is wrapped up neatly in clear dialogue and properly expounds the idea to the fullest. I am still sitting down and contemplating the ideas that have been brought forward in this, and I think i'd love to see more works like this every day. It gives me such hope when i see that science fiction isn't running out of it's juice.

However, to be honest I couldn't understand all of the technical details provided. I tried following some links but those are clearly not for light readers. You did provide more understandable explanations to the giant technical terms, but I slowed down a little there. Also personally the end felt a little matter-of-fact. I felt that the doctor yielded way too easy to the computer, and her explanation on why the others didn't have bodies sounded very suspicious.

However those are mainly my own opinions, so i can't deduct points for that. Great piece of sci-fi.
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Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
A really enthralling piece of work within a considerably small word count. It's wrapped up in clear, concise dialogue and you're style easily invoked a sense of awe for me. I had originally intended to review this by writing little notes on a paper as i read through but i completely forgot about it and just finished with the story. It's a really great fiction and as far as i can tell technically you haven't met any shortfalls.

Unfortunately i must admit my view may be biased by the original high scores for the story so you can't completely rely on my review. But this is what i feel is my honest opinion: Great piece of work, and the sci-fi world wouldn't suffer if you found some way to expand upon the idea.
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Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: E | (3.5)
REVIEW FOR THE DEPARTMENT OF MISTAKES

This made me laugh, and bow in respect. Nice piece of literature, bursting with creativity. This is a style that has always appealed to me (light hearted yet intelligent) and I see it rarely. It’s a good change of scenery from the stories that take themselves way too seriously. I mean, where’s the fun in literature then?
It’s a short work, yet still has an interesting story to be told. It’s a bit frustrating in the way that I can’t see what exactly is happening. There are many questions left unanswered, and that’s a good way to go, make the reader long for more. Nice.
Unfortunately there were mistakes that I’m positive you would’ve noticed if you read through it properly, this smudged on the story’s apparent wit and it would do good if you fixed it as such. It ended up slighting my respect for it.

1. Phillips was proud of the fact that he live his life at the apex of every bell curve.

*lived his life*

2. “I'm Smith” he said sticking out his, Phillips grasped it an shook it his eyes wide and his jaw slack.

*he said, sticking out his hand*

3. “ That's incredible, but it's impossible, shouldn't exist.” Phillips stated.

*It shouldn’t exist.* In addition this is a strange thing to say for a man carrying and invisible brick.

4. “He seemed far to interested don't want him visiting again, might interrupt the fun”

*far too interested*
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Review of New World Order  
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: 13+ | (1.5)
Review for New World Order

A story of conspiracy and betrayal. It’s okay, I guess, but it didn’t stir anything inside me, this is all thanks to a minefield of mistakes. I have ventured to highlight a few of them, but I’ve left out a lot more. The formatting is too squashed together, and you really need to paragraph it so that people can see the speech and descriptions alone. This work needs serious correcting, and I suggest you don’t put it off. Since I’m confident that they’ll be a significant improvement if only you can fix it to a status of readability

Use a find function to spot the strings of words I have presented, otherwise you’ll have trouble going through it manually. I recommend you look over the mistakes highlighted:


1. " New World Order ", thought Aaron, " I wonder if it's actually true, of course not he thought in these democratic times it would take every single member of the government and more to pull off what these people are saying, " Aaron, come down your dinner's getting cold and your father will be home soon ," shouted his mother, " Just a minute " said Aaron.

[This whole first paragraph is confusing. I don’t know where the thoughts and where they end.

2. Aaron woke up to the annoying tune of his alarm clock

[Didn’t he just answer his mother’s summons? Did he fall asleep again after the first paragraph?]

3. he suddenly realized, " Oh dam I forgot to do my essay for social studies, Mr.English is gonna kill me,"

[DAMN instead of DAM. And this sentence should end with a Full-Stop.]

4. he quickly rinsed and put his clothes on, he ran down the stairs and heard his dad talking he slowed down and just realized he forgot to congratulate his dad for receiving an award for bravery during a flight to L.A when suddenly both engines failed and Aron's dad landed the plane safely.

[First, the sentence should start with a capital letter (He quickly rinsed…) ]

[Secondly, You spelt ARON instead of AARON]

[Thirdly, You need to break this sentence down into three or four sentences. It doesn’t read right as it is. Too many ‘ands’]

5. ” Aaron Ford is en exceptional student,

[AN exceptional student…]

6. he has once again showed to Springlake that no matter where your from you can still succeed,"

[Firstly, it should be SHOWN to Springlake. If you used SHOWED then it would’ve been SHOWED SPRINGLAKE. But a word between the two makes it SHOWN.]

[Secondly, it should be: where YOU’RE from.]

7. well lets just say he was in a league of his own. [LET’S]

8. the remainder of the week, he quickly rushed down the corridor…

[You should put a Full-Stop instead of a Comma.]

9. The substitute was untypical as far as teacher's looked like, he had long black scruffy hair, and some nasty scars here and there they looked recent.

[Firstly replace Teacher’s with TEACHERS]

[Secondly, before ‘they looked recent’ put a Full-Stop. So that it reads: … and some nasty scars here and there. They looked recent.]

10. The substitute introduced himself and told the class he would prefer to be called by his first name: Desmond, it immediately became clear he was foreign, Irish thought Aaron.

[Consider actually showing Desmond introducing himself. It wouldn’t take too many lines, and would put the reader more into the story. Many people will badger you about Showing, not Telling.]

11. Desmond was off guard, and did a forced one second laugh then held his head in disbelief

[You should reword this. It takes a few re-reads to understand what you mean. Maybe write: HE LAUGHED FOR A SECOND. Or something like: HE GAVE OFF A SHORT BURST OF LAUGHTER]

12. Desmond was no ordinary teacher either, he was quick and was in much worse situations than this as far as he was concerned
[JUST A COMMENT: If only I had known what this statement truly meant. It’s a nice way to bring the reader into a false sense of security. Good work.]

13. Aaron replied there's five people out today, huh? ,"

[Put an Open Quotation mark before REPLIED. (To make it: Aaron replied, “There’s five people out today, huh?”) You should also remove the Comma after the Question mark.]

14. Aaron looked down and suddenly this felt all to familiar [all TOO familiar]

15. Desmond looked concerned " Is there something wrong," he asked.

[PUT A QUESTION MARK instead of Comma at the end of the sentence.]

16. Aaron got a bad feeling about this conversation he felt scared

[Put a Comma or Full-Stop AFTER CONVERSATION

17. Aaron was never more afraid in his life this was all to strange for his liking, he thought to himself curiosity killed the cat after all that's why he stayed back after class

[Put a COLON (:) AFTER HIMSELF.]

[Also, the sentence doesn’t read well. Reword it.]

18. Desmond was holding his head he hit himself

[What does ‘holding his head he hit himself’ mean? Change the sentence so that it is more understandable.]

19. J.F.K he was murdered by us, major events all around the earth are either a direct order from central, or someone else...
[JUST A HEAD’S UP: this topic has dozens of conspiracy theories swirling around it… You’re competing with a fearful lot of them, by doing this.]

20. he went over to him and sat down on his knee's
[He squatted. Full stop. You can only GO DOWN ON YOU'RE KNEES or KNEEL ON THEM. You can never, ever sit down on your knees.]

SUMMARY OF REVIEW:

PROS

-Fairly simple idea, easy story to work with. Could easily become significantly improved.

- Obvious knowledge of language (Hence I present my corrections in full confidence that you know what I mean.)

CONS

-Poor punctuation.

a)Makes mistakes with Quotation Marks by omitting or misplacing them.

b) Mistakes with Commas. Ends dialogue with them when not appropriate, and uses them in place of Full-Stops.

-Writes in continuous sentences that become stretched and therefore hard to understand. Mostly does this by overusing Commas and the word ‘and’

- Formatting (no paragraphs) makes it hard to understand the story at all.

-Shows evidence of slightly rushed work. (If you just deliberate on sentences more, read them aloud to yourself and make more than one draft, things will turn out okay.)
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Review of The Poisoner  
Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: E | (2.0)
I’m sorry, but though I see enthusiasm is this work, I just can’t quite feel much excitement about it.

You led it on as a technical story at first, quoting facts. However, you slowed down completely and left a thin layer of technicalities, and then went on to jump into a minefield of one. Since you established the beginning like a realistic story, I found the fact that the scientist found the cure for the plague a bit unrealistic, as the treatments were fully found out only in the 18 hundreds, I think? The way you simply through the facts around didn’t give me a rush, and I settled on the dialogue, hoping for something more. However, the formatting made it difficult to follow. Even when I put in paragraphs on my word processor, I couldn’t make sense of who was talking. The actions were rushed and the emotions were unconvincing, and then the story pretty much died there. I really had no passion for reading it all. Also, the method by which the man discovered the cure didn’t exactly make my wide-eyed with horror. The last part might have been a strong minded message, but I didn’t quite hear it, because of the way it was structured.

You have some obvious strength in language and maybe some in family ties and mystery, maybe you should try your hand at such genres [Murder Mystery? Family Scandal? Drama Fantasy, with more intrigue rather than action?].
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Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

Before I review, I want to comment on your behavior. [No, nothing sinister] You have a really interesting outlook on writing, and the confidence you display is surely a bonus in whatever you do. You’re clearly well established in your beliefs and mindset. I envy that.

Now, the story.

I know you explicitly refused any help through grammar, but could you please just look at these three mistakes in the beginning. Just these three?


1.SAKHMET SAT BOLT upright with a gasp and glanced around her wildly, searching. Maybe it should be something like Sakhmet sat bolt upright with a gasp and glanced around, searching. ?

2.She shook her head, and shook the feeling off . It feels a bit redundant here. Maybe use ‘shaking the feeling off’?

3....she leaping up with a snarl and grasping her ax… This is the only actual mistake in the entire script, and it’s a bit out of place in the midst of the good prose.


In any case, they don’t really matter as an overall, because this story was as structurally sound as a mountain. Everything was in perfect sync, and I enjoyed it so much every thought of editing faded in the distance and I was simply reading an enthralling tale. I hate having to look at every corner, looking for mistakes and being conscious that ‘this is just a writing’. This story avoided all such thoughts and I read through it eagerly and with much enjoyment. I could just imagine it in a story book.

It was quite refreshing to see a long short story that actually worked for once in a long time. I’ve been reading [and writing] 1000 worders and they just aren’t satisfying my creative hunger. This story fit the bill, with a whooping 5000 words. I was intimidated at first by the word count, but then I read it and knew I’d rather face a lion than suggest cutting it shorter for a faster delivery. The buildup was perfect. Random thoughts, hunting, thoughts about home, weird dream, wilder thoughts… It was executed without a hitch. Language definitely outstrips my own, and even as a fantasy, you brought in technical details that gave the story extra flesh.

I have no idea about the goddess and god mentioned, but they are good characters. The poetic imagery and passion explained is breathtaking and real. The language doesn’t use bombastic words to spruce up the delivery, and I liked the fact that I didn’t need to go to a dictionary for a single word. [This last month I have had a good share of stories with thick, heavy words yet thin plots and tales.] The characters were good and The goddess’s thoughts really supplied the story. The dialogue was apt and didn’t present any problems or errors, and fit the tone of the story quite nicely.

I don’t generally read romance tales, but the ending was full of rhythm and passion. It managed to capture the romantic aspect of a fierce goddess being wooed by the shy god of moonlight. The imagery sticks, that’s for sure, and I’ll bookmark the page to read it once again, if I ever forget it. I can’t quite find a word to say how superb this script is, and I find it inadequate to write such few words on it, but alas, I’m not that good of a writer, and quite frankly I want to go ahead and read the rest of your stories.

I have no suggestions at all, except for those three things I mentioned in the beginning, also, I realize that you humanized the goddesses. I was just wondering, [not that you should change anything in the tale] what Sakhmet did as a goddess. In this fantasy, is this the heavenly realm or something? Where are the humans? Anyway, superb tale.
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Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: E | (3.0)
I don't know poetry all that well, but its okay, i guess. Thing is, i find the topic a bit too grim for my taste, and i don't feel much passion coming from it. It has good allusions and metaphors, but otherwise i can't feel much else, maybe draw poetry from different sources? Unless this is your style, In which case I'll simply keep quiet.
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Review by inkscribe CC
Rated: E | (4.5)
It makes me feel good that there are still corners of sci-fi left for me to enjoy, although i've read a similar concept, the story is good enough to impress me and linger in my mind. I honestly don't have much to say but good work and good language skills. There definately aren't any snags in making characters and dialogue is sound. As for grammar and punctuation you really can't trust me, but i didn't see anything wrong with it.

It was interesting that, Edmund 'cared' for his master's feelings. That's sort of a personality right there, you know!
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