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4 Public Reviews Given
22 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of The Great Unknown  
Review by Prier
Rated: E | (3.5)
This piece of writing has a strong, assertive voice and conveys a clear message about the importance of shaping the minds of the next generation. The author uses powerful metaphors, like the comparison of molding young minds to bending hot steel, to drive their point home.
However, some of the phrasing could be refined for greater clarity and impact. The central argument could also be strengthened by providing more concrete examples of how to instill respect in the next generation.
Grammar, Punctuation, and Spelling:
The grammar, punctuation, and spelling in this piece are generally correct. There are no glaring errors that need to be addressed.
Syntax and Style:
- The first sentence could be rephrased to be more concise, e.g., "I sit at my desk, writing about things I have no direct knowledge of."
- The phrase "cannot control those who will" in the second paragraph is unclear. Consider rephrasing for clarity.
- The analogy of bending steel when it's hot vs. hard could be made more explicit by directly connecting it to the idea of shaping young minds.
Alternatives for Sentence Structure, Word Choice, and Phrasing:
- Instead of "Everywhere I turn," consider "Everywhere I look" for a more visual phrase.
- "We must decide now to provide those solutions when the matrix is still forming" could be rephrased as "We must choose to offer these solutions while minds are still malleable."
- "Any fool knows" could be replaced with a less colloquial phrase like "It's common knowledge."
Overall Quality Judgment:
Overall, this is a thought-provoking piece that, with some polishing, could be a persuasive call to action for shaping the attitudes and beliefs of youth. The author's passion for the topic shines through, but a bit more focus and refinement could elevate this from a good piece of writing to a great one.
2
2
Review of Dark Side of Love  
Review by Prier
Rated: E | (4.0)
Strengths:
Strong Introduction: The opening sentence effectively captures the reader's attention by highlighting the contrasting nature of love.
Vivid Imagery: The use of metaphors and descriptive language creates a strong visual impact and evokes emotions.
Comprehensive Exploration: The essay delves into various aspects of love's dark side, including manipulation, control, unrequited affection, and societal influences.
Thoughtful Conclusion: The essay concludes with a powerful message about the importance of acknowledging and understanding the complexities of love.
Strong Vocabulary: The use of sophisticated vocabulary enhances the essay's intellectual depth and sophistication.
Areas for Improvement:
Sentence Structure: Some sentences are overly long and complex, making them difficult to read and understand. Consider breaking down these sentences into shorter, more manageable chunks.
Word Choice: While the vocabulary is strong, there are instances where simpler words could be used to improve clarity and conciseness.
Flow and Transitions: The essay could benefit from smoother transitions between paragraphs to enhance the overall flow of ideas.
Redundancy: There are a few instances of repetition, particularly in the use of certain phrases like "dark side of love."
Specific Actionable Suggestions:
Sentence 2: Consider splitting this sentence into two separate sentences to improve readability.
Sentence 5: Replace "individuals vulnerable to the whims of another" with a more concise phrase like "vulnerable to another's control."
Paragraph 3: Add a transition sentence at the beginning to connect it more effectively with the previous paragraph.
Sentence 10: Replace "individuals may grapple with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt" with a more impactful phrase like "individuals may be consumed by feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt."
Conclusion: Consider adding a call to action, encouraging readers to reflect on their own experiences with love's dark side.
Overall Judgement:
This is a well-written essay that explores a complex and often overlooked aspect of love. The author demonstrates a strong understanding of the subject matter and uses vivid language to convey their message. However, the essay could be further improved by addressing the areas for improvement mentioned above. By implementing these suggestions, the author can enhance the clarity, conciseness, and overall impact of their writing.
3
3
Review of Fragile  
Review by Prier
Rated: E | (3.0)
Overall, the writing demonstrates a strong emotional depth and introspection on the theme of fragility and emotional turmoil. However, there are areas that could be improved for clarity and flow.
Suggestions for improvement:
1. Consider breaking down long sentences for better readability and flow.
2. Watch out for repetitive phrases and try to vary your language to maintain reader engagement.
3. Check for punctuation errors and ensure consistency in punctuation usage throughout the text.
4. Work on transitioning between ideas smoothly to enhance the logical flow of the narrative.
5. Consider incorporating more descriptive language and vivid imagery to evoke stronger emotions in the reader.
6. Next time, use a larger font and break up your text into paragraphs. Your readers will appreciate it.
Alternative phrasing:
1. Instead of "Have you ever thought about your cause of sadness or anger when you lay down on your bed to stare at the roof or when you cry yourself out?", consider "Have you ever reflected on the root of your sadness or anger as you lie in bed staring at the ceiling or weeping?"
2. Instead of "Whenever I get annoyed by the tiniest things my parents say I’m sensitive, but in truth I’m just trying to vent my anger against this world", consider "When trivial comments from my parents irk me, they label me as oversensitive, yet I am merely seeking an outlet for my frustration with the world."
In conclusion, the writing effectively conveys deep emotions and personal struggles, but refining the structure, language, and coherence could elevate its impact on the reader. Keep honing your craft and experimenting with different writing techniques to enhance the overall quality of your work.
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