Not bad but a few suggestions - of course should have commas on both sides of it. Take out the part about it being a work in progress and actually finish it. I'm only 15, and people really don't care how old you are. Change the name of the high school from Hollywood High to something a little more realistic sounding. Ha now that the bad's out of the way, it sounds like it has some decent potential, just build on it some. Add details. All this really is is a description of the story. Keep writing and feel free to check out some of my stuff if you get the time. Good Job!
Good metaphor. I liked it, and it was quite well-written. The last sentence is the only grammatical error I saw. I think there should be a semi colon or and in there somewhere. Your story seemed to have a good bit of depth to it and is easy to relate to. Keep writing and please check out my stuff if you have the will and time.
Great story. It was extremely well-written and entertaining. It also had a great bit of irony in the end.
It seems as if you thought this out very well before putting it down on paper. The only suggestion I would have is to maybe break it down into two parts, as it is a bit long. Some people might see how long this is for a short story and instantly click on the back button. Keep writing!
Great story. A bit long though. I don't mind reading longer things, but some people do. You might want to break each of your parts into two parts, just to cut down on size. It was very well-written, and I'm looking forward to checking out part two now. Keep writing and check out my stuff if you get the chance sometime.
I'm not sure I quite understand this story, but it was intriguing all the same. Where might Land's End be? There were a few minor spelling and grammatical errors but nothing majorly wrong with it. It was altogether pretty well written, and you could probably expand a good bit on it if you wanted to.
Good story, though a bit odd nonetheless. The idea of the hunter becoming the hunted is an original, but you put a new twist on it. Once again, no grammatical errors that I noticed (which isn't saying much), and it was very well written. I think you might've gone just a bit overkill on describing his love of the hunt but maybe you wanted to make sure you got the point across. Anyways, keep writing and check out some more of my stuff if you can find the time.
Good story. I think that it's just about grammatically perfect. Might something like this have actually happened to you or is it just a fantasy you might have? I knew a cat that had the same attitude. Luckily, it got ran over by a car though, so maybe all evil pets get what they deserve. I'm off to check out a few more of your things.
A man welcoming death. Sounds like the name of a good painting. Good story and well written. You had no grammatical errors that I noticed while reading, and it was a good story line. I think you could probably expand on it a good bit if you wanted too.
I believe I've read a book with the title, "The Bad Place." Not a bad story. A little more depth and length could have made it better, but maybe you were just looking for a release or something. A few grammatical errors but nothing too major. Keep writing. . .I wouldn't mind if you checked out my short stories if you can find the time.
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