I thought that this story was actually pretty good, except it could use a bit more detail. You had a lot of dialogue considering the length of the story, it's just that you didn't have the detail to back it up. Also, the whole concept seemed a bit rushed. Next time you write, try and take your time with it, I've been told this as well. One of the more recent stories I wrote I took my time on, and the reviewers claim it is much better than the last. I'd love to read more of your work, add more to your port!
Well done. I found this story very creepy and scary, and I loved how you described the character's insanity. You had the perfect amount of dialogue, detail, and scariness. I also love how you described Lucifer's changing of physical form. You created a good character and plot line, and you should be proud of that.
Hmm. I've got to be quite frank with you, this story was extremely rushed and lacking character. It was one of those times when you finish reading something, go, "wait, what happened?" then read it again. Only when I did, it still didn't make much sense. There was no background to lead in to whatever was happening with some sort of kidnapping I suppose. At some points it just needed some re-wording. For instance, I would change "I had no idea what to say really just listen for the next set of orders to come." to "I had no idea how to respond, other than to wait for the next set of orders." However, I think this story COULD have potential, if you went back, re-wrote it, and added more detail. Also, I would reccomend letting a family member or a trusted friend proof-read things for you. Sometimes it just takes a second set of eyes to see where things need improvement.
I hope this helps,
TheDreamer
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