I absolutely love the idea behind this contest, since it gives us a chance to be really creative, yet at the same time it's strict in what we can do. I think this is an awesome exercise for any author, and hope to see this contest continue on.
I love the fact this contest has a genre prompt, but not a real specific prompt as to what to write. It gives authors direction, but at the same time the freedom to write anything that comes to mind. It's especially nice for those of us trying to find which genre we write best in, or give us something new to try.
Thanks for the great contest and the awesome rewards!
I love ramblings like this.......bits and pieces of lives unedited. Feelings. Deaths, hurting, pain. All those emotions rolled up into one scene and poured out into paper for no particular reason other than to say "While I'm here, this is what I have to say".
I don't know if the concept behind this is just an experiment or if its real, but it makes no difference to me. I love it, and it reminds me of my Camille in portal. I don't know what she is or if she's real, but I write for her. She doesn't speak, she just feels. Dialog is over rated sometimes.
Anyway, great job with this. I'm looking forward to reading more.
Great story! I love the way you described the scene, and how superstitious you are or aren't. It was perfect that you 'almost' fell, ignoring the fact it may have had something to do with the previous action of walking under the latter. Love it!
This story made me laugh, despite it's possible "offensive" nature. Your MC is real, describing his honest thoughts on a less than beautiful person on the bus. I love the way you detailed the scene and her appearance. Her conversation was priceless, a real ugly person all the way around.
I've always been fond of prose and the "other" category. Poetic words without a plot or real characters, leaving us to linger in our own imagination of what stories those in a prose conjure.
Beautiful, keep writing pieces like these! Write on!
I like your writing style, it's very 'raw', if that makes sense. Your words come straight from the heart and that's obvious. The free form style is interesting, although to me this almost seems more like a prose.
The first line had me hooked in, love it! The last line was also very powerful, but I got a little hung up on "this is". It sounded a little 'proper' for a dark poem, but that's just me. You need to keep your own style in your work.
Very nice description and story telling through action. I'd be interested to know if the boy felt sneaking out was worth this work, or if simply a punishment for getting caught. The mind of a teenage is a tricky thing!
Love the last line as well, a clear sign the teen didn't care to actually finish the job he was assigned to do.
I love the description and beautiful words you've used to describe the scene. Lines such as "The winter weather had added dullness to the atmosphere" and "The bright sun reflected off of her ivory skin" are eloquently written.
I did get hung up on the flow a few times, and had to reread sentences to understand what it meant. You may want to try reading your story out loud to see if parts can't be improved on. I'm also curious as to how old this girl is. It almost sounds as if she's a teen, since it seems like she's too old to be laying in the grass, yet there's mention of a nanny. I also wouldn't have known the time period if not for the description.
About this line:
(( or the peace the new fragrance of nice the whether that lingered through the slight breeze))
I think you meant "the new fragrance of the nice weather". Which actually, since you've already used "new grass", you may want to reword it to use something other than "new". Just my opinion though.
Love the idea behind this and the vivid picture you paint!
Write on!
~Dawn
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