A good premise, and a very good execution of said
concept. That said, I have a very minor suggestions that I'd like to bring to your attention:
Only this:
Insert the indent tag at the beginning of all of
your paragraphs. I first came across it when
reviewing another writer's work. Consequently,
I've converted all of my files. And it's not all
that difficult, because the indent tag doesn't
require a closing tag; simply copy the tag from
ML help (under the Author's drop-down menu),
and simply paste it to the beginning of your
paragraphs. And don't take my word for it.
Insert it to your first 2 or 3 paragraphs; I'm
quite sure that you'll notice the difference.
You write well... don't let anyone tell you different...
A good premise, and a good execution of said
concept. That said, I have a few very minor suggestions
that I'd like to bring to your attention:
A tip:
When writing for the internet, which for the most part
doesn't utilize indentation, it's become a standard practice
to insert a line break between paragraphs. Don't take
my word for it. Take your story's first four or five
paragraphs, and insert a space after each one. I think
you'll notice a marked difference in readability.
I liked what I read, but I'd like to see it with cleaner formatting.
A good premise, and a very good execution of said
concept. That said, I have a few very minor suggestions
that I'd like to bring to your attention:
>Orange glove
>What secrets harbors this old hotel on the Isle of Skye?
For your title, I would humbly suggest going with Orange Glove
And for this line:
What secrets harbors this old hotel on the Isle of Skye?
I would revise to:
What secrets harbor this old hotel on the Isle of Skye?
I believe that is grammatically correct...
And here's the major one:
When writing for the internet, which for the most part
doesn't utilize indentation, it's become a standard practice
to insert a line break between paragraphs. Don't take
my word for it. Take your story's first four or five
paragraphs, and insert a space after each one. I think
you'll notice a marked difference in readability.
A good premise, and a good execution of said
concept. That said, I have a few very minor suggestions
that I'd like to bring to your attention.
Chase the Dragan
post-colonial, cultural issues, left-wing politics, protests, murder, dark humour
It's Dragon; In the title of your story, you have it correct...
When writing for the internet, which for the most part
doesn't utilize indentation, it's become a standard practice
to insert a line break between paragraphs. Don't take
my word for it. Take your story's first four or five
paragraphs, and insert a space after each one. I think
you'll notice a marked difference in readability.
Good stuff.
Au revoir,
Danny
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A good premise, and a very good execution of
said concept. However, I have a few very minor
suggestions that I'd like to bring to your attention.
Here:
"I don’t think any true writer ever writes anything bad, not if one allows the heart and soul to be the writer of our words."
I guess that would depend on one's definition of a "true writer". And as for "heart and soul to be the writer of our words", I would hope that intellect has some say in those matters concerning writing.
"If you dream of being a writer, you already are one! The words are merely being held prisoner in your mind. Release them!"
I take issue with that statement as well; just because you want to be a writer doesn't make you one... at all. I'm sure as a reviewer here you have seen evidence of that.
Au revoir,
Danny
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{indentA good premise, and a reasonable execution of said concept. However, I have a minor suggestion that I'd like to bring to your attention:
When writing for the internet, which for the most
part doesn't utilize indentation, it's become a
standard practice to insert a line break between
paragraphs. Don't take my word for it. Take
your story's first four or five paragraphs,
and insert a space after each one. I think
you'll notice a marked difference in readability.
Au revoir,
DC
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
A good premise, and a very good execution of said concept. However, I have a very minor suggestion that I'd like to bring to your attention.
Insert the indent tag at the beginning of all of your paragraphs. I first came across it when reviewing another writer's work. Consequently, I've converted all of my files. And it's not all that difficult, because the indent tag doesn't
require a closing tag; simply copy the tag from ML help (under the Author's drop-down menu), and simply paste it to the beginning of your paragraphs. And don't take my word for it.
Insert it to your first 2 or 3 paragraphs; I'm quite sure that you'll notice the difference.
A very good premise, and a very good execution of said concept. Good dialogue, grammar, and spelling... the whole nine yards.
However, I have a few very minor suggestions that I'd like to bring to your attention.
The only thing that I can think of to improve this story is one of a formatting kind:
Insert the indent tag at the beginning of all of your paragraphs. I first came across it when reviewing another writer's work. Consequently, I've converted all of my files. And it's not all that difficult, because the indent tag doesn't
require a closing tag; simply copy the tag from ML help (under the Author's drop-down menu), and simply paste it to the beginning of your paragraphs. And don't take my word for it.
Insert it to your first 2 or 3 paragraphs; I'm quite sure that you'll notice the difference.
One last thing:
Put your name at the bottom of the page. And to make stand out better, use the bold and italics tags around it. Heck, use a color if you're feeling giddy...
When writing for the internet, which for the most
part doesn't utilize indentation, it's become a
standard practice to insert a line break between
paragraphs. Don't take my word for it. Take
your story's first four or five paragraphs,
and insert a space after each one. I think
you'll notice a marked difference in readability.
A very good concept, and a very good execution of said concept. However, I have one very minor suggestion that I'd like to bring to your attention:
nsert the indent tag at the beginning of all of your your paragraphs. I first came across it when reviewing another writer's work. Consequently, I've converted all of my files. And it's not all that difficult, because the indent tag does't require a closing tag; simply copy the tag from ML help(under the Author's drop-down menu), and simply paste it to the beginning of your paragraphs. And don't take my word for it. Insert it to your first 2 paragraphs; I'm quite sure that you'll notice
the difference.
I liked this piece a lot... a good concept, and a very good execution of said concept. However, I have a few very minor suggestions that I'd like to bring to your attention.
Here:
People ask who am I
I say I was the outcast
I would revise to:
People ask who am I
I say I am the outcast
That way, you're retaining the same verb tense; do you see what I'm saying?
Okay . . . A good concept, and a very good execution of said concept. However, I have a few very minor suggestions that I'd like to bring to your attention.
Here:
Standing on the threshold
Of everything that needed to be
Buried in a garden by the tree, where we learned how much we prized her
I would revise to:
Standing on the threshold
Of everything that needed to be
Buried in a garden by the tree
where we learned how much we prized her
And here:
Adam didn't have to eat the apple but he knew what eve had done, he loved her too much to let her face any wrath alone...
Adam didn't have to eat the apple but
he knew what Eve had done
he loved her too much
to let her face any wrath alone...
A good concept, and a very good execution of said concept. However, I have a few very minor suggestions that I'd like to bring to your attention.
The young adults sped off in the clamorous boat bound for the water skiing area of the lake.
If it were me, I'd substitute {c:blue)noisy for {c:blue)clamorous; I have my doubts as to how many people know what "clamorous" means... after all, when writing, you're trying to reach the most people possible, no?
"Well, at least playing cards kept us from getting bored", she said.
The comma should be {c:blue)within the quotation marks: {c:red)...getting bored," she said.
Do you want to go down to the Dock and catch some fish?”
I don't think "Dock" need to be capitalized here; it's not a proper noun, is it?
I saw several instance of this throughout the piece:
A good concept, and a good execution of said concept... what I read of it, that is. I have a minor suggestion that I'd like to bring to your attention:
When writing for the internet, which for the most part doesn't utilize indentation, it's become a standard practive to insert a line break between paragraphs. Don't take my word for it. Take your story's first 4 or 5 paragraphs, and insert a space after each one. I think you'll notice a marked difference in readability.
A good goncept, and a very good execution of said concept... I had one very minor problem with your story, however... namely it was the bold blue/indigo font. I really had trouble concentrating on your story due to the vibrancy of the font.
This is a good piece, and a reasonable execution thereof. That said, I have a few very minor problems with it that I'd like to bring to your attention:
Writing a detailed review is time well spent.
Reviewing is a writing exercise. Creating detailed feedback for a fellow writer is one of...
I would revise to this:
Writing a detailed review is time well spent.
Reviewing is a writing exercise. Creating detailed feedback for a fellow writer is one of...
I would consider inserting a space between your subject headings and the folloeing text. Gives it a "less crowded look.
Too much WritingML can ruin your review; use it in moderation!
I think you may be guilty of this in your piece. You seem to contradict yourself in the "Key Characteristics" entries. Myself, I find it rather difficult to read the text in green.
All in all, I found this to be a very informative piece. Thanks for sharing.
This a an excellent piece... an exceotional convept, and a very good execution of said concept. I don't think there's any think qt all that I might add or comment on... well, that said...
I specially enjoyed this couplet:
(i}Of frogs in beds; wild chases; and of tempers flared.
A plethora of family days with hoards of our relations.(/i}
I've always enjoyed the word plethora/// can't really explain why...<g>
A very good concept, and a very good execution of said concept.
I have a few minor suggestions, however:
The questions are thrown my way: "What is your weakness?" "I'm a workaholic," I say, then throw on that answer everyone's dying to hear: "However, I've learned to balance and pace myself and keep a journal or schedule near me to do so."
I would revise to this:
The questions are thrown my way: "What is your weakness?"
"I'm a workaholic," I say, then throw on that answer everyone's dying to hear, "However, I've learned to balance and pace myself and keep a journal or schedule near me to do so."
I thought I comma worked better in this instance, and allowed it to flow more easily.
"I'm a woman," I say to myself. That's why I won't get it.
I would revise to this:
(b}"I'm a woman," I say to myself. [c:blue} "That's why I won't get it."
And lastly, but not leastly, it's {c:blue)impeccable
Feel free to disgree with me.
But I must say, this was a strong piece. Color me impressed.
When writing for the internet, which for the most part doesn't utilize indentation, it's become a stardard practive to insert a line break between paragraphs. Don't take my word for it, Take your story's first 4 or 5 paragraphs, and insert a space after each one. I think you'll notice a marked difference in readability.
Let me know when you've done that, and I'll get back here pronto to review your piece.
(From what I read, it looks to be a promising story however...)
I think this was a very well-written piece, and should be very helpful to those seeking to learn which members are most often reading there work and which members are most often rating their stuff, not to mention of plethora of other information such as age, gender, and income demographics.
Anyone seeking to understand their statistics would do well to read this informative essay.
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