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8 Public Reviews Given
29 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
Review of Antarius  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
You have a good basis for a prologue or opening to your story. You may need to develop it bit more with a hook to grab the reader and keep them. You’ve got a wee bit…but it seems to drag on.

You might not want to start a paragraph off with ‘of course’, you are assuming the reader knows something they don’t and you are about to tell them.

If you run this through spell check and grammar you will find that you have written in a passive tone. You will want to change that. Also you have written at the 12th grade level. Something to keep in mind. Who is your audience going to be?

Good luck with your story and keep on writing!!
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Review of Hell Found Me  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Very well done, very emotional and heart wrenching. Something that can and does happen in real to children.

You've done an excellent job of writing this. What more can be said.
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Wow! I really enjoyed reading this. You have done a terrific job in setting forth your characters. They are fun to read and keep you wanting to know what is going to happen next.

Your dialogue between the characters is believeable and fun. *g*

Keep up the writing...it's great.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Your story is good and the ending perfect. You did change you style of telling your story in a couple of places. The fourth paragraph should start differently. Maybe by deleting the first three words and simply saying:

I learned that Mildred and I attend Riverside’s St. Mary’s Church. She sits on the left side, ...

That should make it read easier.

You last sentence is the most important part of our story. Thank you for sharing.
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