Absolutely outstanding. The way of expressing the grief of an alcoholic that find momentary peace in nothing but their drinks, the desperation and resignation of not being able to do more for a person that is suffering in front of your eyes that wait until they want to change too; the pain that comes from the fights, the neglect, the trauma that resurfaces. Accurate and beautiful, an admirable masterpiece.
Hello.
Let me start by saying that I am not judging your writing style or plot. I think you have an interesting idea and that writing a micro-story is a very hard thing to do.
Moving on from that, let's start with the technical mistakes. According to Site's Content Rating System your text is not rated E, it should be rated +13.
Second, Self Help is not an appropriate clasification for your narration. I would suggest thriller or horror.
Regarding your content, you have numerous grammatical errors:
-There are commas and periods in places where they do not belong; and those same symbols are missing where they should be.
-If you want to convey emotion, or show that a character is shouting, do not capitalize the text, use exclamation marks (!).
-Not all dialogues are marked in quotation marks, and that makes it difficult to understand the narration, or at least confuses and hinders the reading.
-Everything is written in a single gigantic paragraph, in a story that deals with a lot of action. In order not to make it confusing, it would be better to separate it into paragraphs where the action takes place, and make each dialogue occupy a different line.
-This last suggestion is purely in my capacity as a dedicated reader. I recommend restructuring your story, stringing the events together with more humanity, bringing out some emotion beyond the dialogue, broadening your description of the context a bit. Again, if this is a personal style, I don't think it's wrong nor am I one to judge if I did.
I recommend you to reread your text, these small errors make reading difficult, but they are very easy to fix. You can even use tools like AI to correct them. I wish you good luck with your writing. Greetings.
Truly a masterpiece, some fascinating writing you came up with. The plot is consistent, the characters are coherent and their personalities transit a lineal development while maintaining their original essence. You have impersonated the protagonist in an absolutely unique way, giving him human traits and a particular voice and train of thought. Wonderfully penned, well done.
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