I wanted to vote and would have if you at least had an 'Other' option.
How often I write depends on a lot of things especially what I am working on. I may go days/weeks without writing and then for a year write almost non-stop.
OY VEY!! There are only four of us that love our jobs?
I have the kind of job that everyone else wants. I get paid to watch television. I have a lot of freedom which allows me to spend my overnight shift here at WDC. Unfortunately they dictate the television I watch. But I love my job.
Personally - Having started reading "The Diaries of Lisa Lansing" I know the background. This is a very deep, very telling piece. I felt as if I were in her head.
Great line - "my mind moves fast across the universe."
I chose not to vote. You stated your question as the title and then gave great explanation.
The reason I did not vote is that I do R&R bad pieces. Even if I can't read the whole thing because it is poorly done. You can be encouraging when reviewing these pieces. Just give honest feedback. This is their heart and I try to keep that in mind. If I write something with errors or that is bad, I hope someone will tell me in an encouraging manner. I also try to thank the person for even choosing to share their talent.
The only thing I do different is I don't make it public. I make all of my other R&R's public, but feel it can be degrading if I am saying yes, this is a bad piece and the whole world can read it.
One thing I despise (yes, it has been done to me) is for someone to write a very critical review without anything positive and then send it anonymously.
Technical: I felt the piece read more like prose then poetry. I think it might give more of an impression if you removed the parenthesis in the last line of the first stanza.
To choose my favorite line or combination of lines in this piece would be quoting the entire thing. You have given tribute to your larger work, but you have also touched a part of the soul of many people, including my own.
Whoa! I don't know if I should offer sympathies or congratulations. Many people world-wide would love to know the thoughts of those around them (myself excluded. I struggle enough just knowing my own thoughts)
Technical: Typo - end paragraph 4 - word possible should be possibly.
Very well written account.
I love the humor interested regarding the Klingons.
I am in agreement that I would not consider a piece of metal left in the brain during surgery to be a 'little oversite". Can we say "Malpractice"?
To answer you question, I would have gone to my personal physician and gotten some X-rays and a second opinion first. Then maybe a trip to the local television station or just started writing a book. Who knows where the possibilities could go.
So many have attempted to create a work to depict that day. However, I have read none who have taken this approach. You have given a point of view that many try to forget. However, it is the parts that we should never forget.
Technical: I found the rhyme and structure to be wavering. It seemed you started in one format and switched. I believe it this that caused the flow to be off.
However, your descriptions and remembrances are extremely powerful.
I really like the ending "And like the Phoenix rising from the dust They realized that rebounding was a must. Cause like these United States, united we stand!!!" Talk about a powerful use of analogy. WOW!
Your conviction throughout the piece appears steadfast.
Suggestions: your rhythm and rhythm don't always fall in line. What you might want to do is re-work it as a prose. I think it would fit better in that format without loosing the fullness and vitality.
Your words are so powerful and pointed they really need to be seen by the world.
I voted to walk on by. As no one knows what he looks like, I would not recognize him. However, if He were to walk up to me and say, "Hi, I am Yeshuah of Nazareth." Then that would be a different story.
It is rare for me to be moved to tears or even near tears with one piece of work. This managed to do that very thing.
Technically - I felt it flowed more like prose then poetry. But, it did flow and move from word to word and line to line. I started to read and was moving the page and noticed your disclaimer so I read that first.
I think this touches more than just the one you wrote it for. We often judge and misjudge people and don't realize the impact we can have.
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