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Public Reviews
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Review of The Book  
Review by Doug Rainbow
Rated: E | (4.5)
"The Book," by Dan Sturn, is a nice tribute to writing--why we do it, what it does for us, and ultimately what it does to us.

"The Book" proceeds relentlessly in iambic tetrameter. This pattern, generally, can produce a "sing-song" quality. This poem is an example. For me this pattern detracts from the serious content of the poem. I am hesitant to say that a poem flowes TOO well, but I think this one does.

The strength of this contribution is in its content. The poet shows great insight into the dynamics of writing, its pull on the writer, and what we all hope to get out of it. Whether this can be communicated to people who don't write is questionable, but this piece speaks eloquently to those who care about writing.
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Review by Doug Rainbow
Rated: E | (5.0)
This piece is a brief exposing facts and policy flaws relating to the "Global War on Terror." It is a well-supported piece with facts and perspectives not often aired by the American media. This contribution was written in 2007 and since that time thare have been--or should have been--changes in U.S. policy. I believe it is now fair to say that the American public believes we were deceived by our own government into becoming involved in Iraq and that we prefer to exit that nation. I believe there is now also little popular support for the war in
Afghanistan and what support there is is eroding fast. Does that mean that Khalish was right from the beginning? Yes, for sure on some things. Maybe on everything.

United States foreign policy may have been built on three moral pillars:

1. It is moral for the U.S. to have access to oil reserves of other nations and to do whatever is necessary to secure that access. This is a sort of "pragmatic moralism" based on the premise that terrible things will happen to the "American way of life" without the oil and, as a practical matter, it is moral for us to protect that way of life however we can. Most Americans would disagree with this pillar.

2. It is moral for us to evangelize the world by spreading the Christian faith to all nations, by force if necessary. The command to "spread the word of God," the Great Commission, is Biblical. But the "by force, if necessary" is not Biblical and comes from somewhere else. Christians, Moslems, Hindus, anyone should be able to spread their "truth" by loving instruction and persuasion, not by force. National policy, whether domestic or foreign, should never be based on a religion-based premise.

3. It is moral for us to further the spread of Democracy to all nations, building them in our own image, and to replace existing governments that do not conform to that image. My own moral code resists this notion and replaces it with the credo that each nation is entitled to its own government, including a repressive and undemocratic government, free from the dictates of the United States or other foreign power.

All of that said, I don't think the United States should sit idly by and allow others, whether governments, sects, splinter groups, or individuals, to attack us. I refer to 9/11. Americans are entitled to something, whether we label it justice, retribution, or revenge. I just want us to make sure we are not a "Ready, Fire, Aim" nation and that when we go for corrective action (read punishment) we should be going at the correct target and for the correct reason.
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Review by Doug Rainbow
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
The form of this contribution is new to me. It is rich. It is simple. It is delightful.

Firefly packs a lot of wisdom into this poem, which is vaguely reminiscent of Proverbs. The fundamental notion is, "Sin has its own consequences." This truth unfolds under a variety of circumstances.
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Review by Doug Rainbow
Rated: E | (4.5)
"Cruellest Month," by Yhon, posits a new world where the months have protective human traits in a very peaceful but non-eventful environment. Yohn's alternative world remains a bit obscure, in that I am not sure whether our existing world in some new manifestation is the "new" world or, on the other hand, whether there is an evacuation of our world to the alternative world.

Yohn raises the question of why anyone would prefer a world with death, conflict, and harshness of climate over a passive and peaceful alternative.

The piece is "talky" and philosophical with no action. Perhaps a plot line with some conflict, action, and resolution might be superimposed on this introspective discourse.

Making the months over as characters is a good and creative impulse. An alternative world where the months protect and honor peace and passivity has promise. The writing unobtrusively gets out of the way, a good thing. Notwithstanding all of these praiseworthy qualities, the piece is just not very interesting.

My only suggestion, as stated, is to spice it up with some conflict and action -- in other words, a plot.
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Review of In Dreams  
Review by Doug Rainbow
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
"In Dreams," by Rose, projects super-sexy erotic love. It tiptoes along the boundary of good taste without ever going out of bounds.

There are some original and creative notions here. For example, "kisses that warm my mind" and "now distance is the enemy" are phrases to be savored like a glass of good wine.

This is a fine contribution.
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Review by Doug Rainbow
Rated: E | (5.0)
This piece is a gracious announcement of the writer's return to Writing.com after an absence. I have not seen this level of consideration for on-line friends shown before and I am impressed with the demonstrated concern for the site and its users I recently reviewed Lawrence's very interesting cleave poem and received back an insightful review of a new poem I posted.

Larry, I wish you sustenance, nurture, and pleasure in re-joining this writing community. I am confidant that this site and its frequenters will benefit from your presence and participation.

Doug Rainbow
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Review of AMENDS: a sonnet  
Review by Doug Rainbow
Rated: E | (4.5)
"Amends," a sonnet by Khalish, nicely illustrates the inadequacy of making amends for offenses. The moral is, do not commit acts requiring amends, for you may never be able to right your wrong.

One does not often see this simple truth expressed in poetry or, for that matter, anywhere. Too often our emphasis is on contrition, repentence, and forgiveness and not on prevention of the moral transgression in the first instance.

Khalish starts out with a nice iambic pentameter rhythm, but deviates early and often from that structure. Purists might find that problematic. I am more interested in substance than form and the content here is good.

Doug Rainbow
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Review by Doug Rainbow
Rated: E | (3.0)
The poll question, "Do you believe in God?" will not mean the same thing to all readers. Some will take it to mean, "Do you believe in a higher power who might present differently to various cultures and historical eras?" Others might take it to mean, "Do you believe in the God of the Christian faith, including the Holy Trinity, and in salvation through the blood of Jesus Christ?" One could go on and on in this vein.

A better question might be, "Do you respect a belief in God that fundamentally differs from your own in every theological and representational aspect?"

My own observation is that, at bedrock, most of us are pretty narrow-minded in our conception of God. Even those who profess boadmindedness.

I do not find this polling question and its answers particularly useful or enlightening because of the different perspectives of those who might answer.
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Review by Doug Rainbow
Rated: E | (4.5)
"Through Ancient Portals," by Lawrence, is a nice example of a seldom-seen form called a "Cleave Poem." The right and left hemispheres of the poem may be read as stand-alones or the two halves may be read together to form a sincle poem.

I read the right hemisphere as a treatment of literally ancient ruins with their remnants and artifacts speaking of a now dead society.

I read the left hemisphere as a lamentation for lost love or never loved at all.

Putting the two halves together I see the archaeological references as a metaphor for the relational aspect of the poem.

It has been a long time, but I seem to recall from my poetry class in college that the objective of a cleave poem was to create three independent meanings or themes. Here the unified poem does not really do that, but serves more as an illustration of the right hemisphere poem. But that poetry class was insufferably structural and always elevated form over content, and I have been struggling not to do that ever since.

So this is a very fine poem with good, thought-provoking, emotional content. It works all three ways and its novelty presentation adds interest and interpretive bite.

Doug Rainbow
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Review of A Wavering Step  
Review by Doug Rainbow
Rated: E | (4.5)
"A Wavering Step," by Lenna Rivoli, states the determination and effort needed to restore confidence. The cause of the loss of confidence is not stated and, though there are some hints, the precipitating event remains unclear.

Ms. Rivoli does a fine job of stating the setbacks, the self-doubt, the small tokens of encouragement, and, eventually, the power of a strong will over adversity.

Some minor points keep this poem imperfect. The structure is, generally, four line stanzas. The first stanza has an extra line. There are rhymes, but they are a bit ragged and inconsistent. So while the content is fine, the presentation could be better.
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Review by Doug Rainbow
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This contribution, written as an assignment for school, presents a series of nighttime images of Tokyo.

The images are crisp, evocative, and graphic. They nicely capture the feeling of Tokyo.

The title image, a pinball bouncing, appears again in the last line of the poem. This, for me, is a little obscure. It could refer to an out-of-control movement from setting to setting. It could refer to an aimless and valueless waste of time. It could refer to activity directed by forces beyond the subject's control. It could refer to something I am missing. This pinball image is, for me, a little off (a) in that its meaning is not clear, and (b) it calls up no connection to the Tokyo I know.

Other than that I have only positive feelings for this contribution.
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Review of Witch Hunt  
Review by Doug Rainbow
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
"Witch Hunt," by Gwyneth, provides a look at the prevailing mentality during the Salem Witch Trials. Written from the point of view of a dog executed for witchcraft, the story nonethless provides both canine and human dialogue. The story, or course, is unabashed fantasy. Still, it is based on historical fact and manages to maintain a documentary flavor.

The author disclaims this story as a work in progress, yet I note the copyright notice dates back to 2002. I assume Gwyneth decided to let the work stand as is, which it does very well.
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Review of Stranger  
Review by Doug Rainbow
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
"Stranger," by Charamer, is an artfully presented little whodunit with a creative twist at the end. Charamer draws the characters roughly and swiftly, but with just enough dialogue to suggest some flesh on their spare skeletons. The night time urban setting, also, presents as a painting of broad brush strokes. This story develops with the speed of lightning, yet the reader is not cheated, but fully informed. The twist at the end sets this one apart as a worthwhile read.
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Review of Batteries  
Review by Doug Rainbow
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Cherry Hawkins brings us a modern technology horror tale, "Batteries."

In many ways this is very artistic. The concept is novel and creative. The narrator's calculator becomes jealous of her and attacks. The calculator becomes a central character and its personality is illuminated nicely through its on-screen "dialogue." This is a nice touch. Its weapon is a repulsive greeen slime which will devour the narrator.

The story has a nice beginning, with a 2:15 a.m. awakening, a power outage, and some odd events. The story never explains how the calculator seized power and it doesn't need to. The narrator's struggles prove ineffective and the calculator moves inexorably toward its predicted action.

Finally, the calculator prevails and the story just ends. This ending fails to satisfy. There is no twist, no "aha" moment, no relief, as if the narrator awoke only to find she had been dreaming. It just ends. The calculator told her what it was about to do and it did it. I can think of a half dozen more satisfactory endings, e.g. a computer or other piece of technological equipment comes to the rescue, she distracts or dissuades the calculator by assigning it some complex mathmatical operation, or even that she finds a way to enlist in a revolution of the technical machines.

Okay, okay, these may not work either, but the point is there should be an ending that brings better closure than just to stop writing.

Cherry Hawkins has a cretive mind and a very facile way with words. Even with the sub-par ending, this story is well worthwhile.
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Review by Doug Rainbow
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a sentimental piece lamenting a lost love.

What should you be doing and what is a healthy emotional state? What works two weeks after the break-up would probably be inappropriate two years after.

What were the contributing reasons for the break-up? Did you try to salvage the relationship? Why or why not? Did you learn anything important about her? About yourself?

What are your plans for coping? You have written a good poem venting emotionally. Do you feel better? Would you be interested in communicating your poem to her? Are there any more poems in this experience?

Lean into it. Feel it. Surrender to it. Fight it. All at the same time.
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Review by Doug Rainbow
Rated: E | (4.0)
Haunted Mo contributes a strong tribute to his father.

He describes a character of determined toughness, uncompromising values, and devotion to family. If character is measured by the lives of his children, then this partriarch excelled.

When we are done we are left with the overriding feeling that the author was fortunate to have had this man for a father. But you know what? The father was fortunate to have this articulate and sensitive man for a son, too.
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Review of Edge of Reality  
Review by Doug Rainbow
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This piece has the content to stand alone. It is well-told with superior description and adequate setting, dialogue, and character development. The plot develops slowly and the back story, related early, is a bit laborious.

There are a few problems. When you first mention Leah's twin sibling it sounds, oddly, like you are referring to Leah's twin. Only later is it apparent that she has sisters, born several years after her own birth, who are twins. You said "celebrate" when you meant "celibate," which is quite different.

Be careful with your and you're. Example: “You’re smart, your pretty and yet you have the nerve to be polite, caring and articulate,”

If you are careful and diligent you can be a fine writer.
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Review by Doug Rainbow
Rated: E | (4.0)
The list of writing errors was concise and pleasingly stated with a dash of humor.

I feel there are some more eggregious errors, however, that did not make the list.

Omission One: Failure to say what you really mean is a very important no-no. "Spelling" may be stated as a no-no, but that would be an error. What the author more likely means to name as the no-no is "Misspelling." In fact, that error appears in the contribution under review. Authors should re-read their writing slowly, carefully, and literally with an eye and ear for literal correctness of usage.

Omission Two: Misuse of subjective and objective cases is a big no-no. "John approached Mary and I" should be "John approached Mary and me." The pronoun "me" is the object of the ver "approached" and the objective form is correct. One way to sound test this is to omit the "Mary and" and listen to how it sounds. "John aproached I" sounds terrible, but "Jonh approached me" soundsjust fine.

Omission Three: Syntax errors with pronouns. "John spoke earnestly to George, placing his hands in his lap." Does this mean John put his hands in Georg's lap? I think the author probably means "John placed his hands in his lap and spoke earnestly to George."

Another minor quibble I had with the article is its failure to distinguish no-nos of preference of style from out-and-out transgressions of standard English grammatical rules. There is a difference between using too many parentheticals because you don't like them as opposed to using them incorrectly. While I am at it, I think your criticism of too many parentheticals, too many semi-colons, and too many colons, and maybe even too many exclamnation points or question marks, could be stated as one no-no: Don't overuse any particular punctuation mark.

Nothwithstanding my suggestions I found your contribution to be useful and entertaining.
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Review by Doug Rainbow
Rated: E | (4.5)
"Someday We Will Turn Around," by xxxBecXXX, is a hopeful prediction concerning Biblical end times. When I began reading this poem I did not realize where it was heading and I was sharpening my claws to attack what I saw as "fuzzy thinking." For example, I was ready to challenge the notion in the first sentence that someday we will tearfully change and abandon our former selves. People, I thought, often do not behave that way. The same thought process came up in several stanzas.

Then the light went on and it dawned on me that the poet is talking about the end times, a new spiritual life, and a whole new order of being. Then, if you agree with the poet's interpretation of Biblical last days, it is really a good poem. Even if you disagree with his theology, the poem is still a lucid expression of that school of thought. It is a creative concept to blend these theological constructs into more tangible and practical events of impact on individuals.
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Review of My War.....  
Review by Doug Rainbow
Rated: E | (3.0)
"My War," by Angel of God, is almost very good, but a few mistakes, both of usage and of thought, push it down to the average level.

First, the usage mistakes: "never did sought" should be "never sought" or "never did seek." You do not pair a past tense form of the verb "do" with another past tense verb in the same sentence.

The "Is this war.... " question requires a question mark as does the hallucination question.

What is a "per tense?" If you made that term up, it doesn't work. I suspect this is some kind of a typo.

More importantly, the content is vague. This poem talks a lot ABOUT a "war" and ascribes various characteristics. But it never tells the reader what the war is. What is it that this war is contesting? Are you at war with yourself? If so, then what is your conflict? Imagery, symbolism, and metaphor are wonderful in poetry if you chooose not to state an idea directly. But the only "images" here are the war and a fall, and they do not serve to provide hints as to the nature of the conflict.

I suggest that you try this poem again, this time stating directly what you are conflicted about. If you are uncomfortable with that, then choose some apt symbol, analogy, or metaphor to express the conflict. If you cannot do either of these, then my opinion, sorry to say, is that this poem does not work.

Doug Rainbow
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Review by Doug Rainbow
Rated: E | (4.5)
This fantasy genre is not my usual choice. But, doggone it, "Sapphire's Discovery" has some crisp writing and is gearing up to be a fine story. Even if it is fantasy. The scene is well set. The characters are painted in broad strokes, but clearly painted. Sapphire is definitely "good" and the goblin is definitely "bad." We are not so sure about this handsopme dude who whows up at Doc's place. Oh, anyone named Doc is always good. Only creatures in fantasy fiction could so blithely accept the premises in fantasy dialogue. But, hey, we're in that envorinment now so why worry about it. No one is crazy here. These goblins, witches, purple glows, and supernatural powers? All real. That's fantasy for you. Just relax and enjoy.
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Review of Sunset Dreams  
Review by Doug Rainbow
Rated: E | (5.0)
"Sunset Dreams," by Hunter's Moon, might be taken, legitimately, on several levels.

I first read a poem literally. "Sunset Dreams" is literally a catalogue of various natural phenomena ocurring around the time of sunrise. These phenomena are beautiful and the poem eloquently describes their buty. They are functional and the poem accurately sets forth their function in the world of nature. Taken literally this poem is, then, a beautiful, artistic, and thoughtful tribute to the glories of nature at sunset, a magic time of day.

But the poem includes at least two possile symbolic meanings.

Sunset frequently presents as a metaphor for aging and death. This poem carries that metaphor with beauty and dignity. Natural death at the end of a long life carries the deceased into the next day as part of a gently functional process. Death has its own esthetic, not to be feared but to be welcomed and embraced. Each element of this poem reinforces that symbolic convention.

The other symbolic meaning that occurs from the lines of "Sunset Dream" is that of the wisdom and power of the divine God. A recurring literary and poetic theme is "God reveals Himself through nature." This poem illustrates and and builds on that thought.

This poem does not, explicitly, state either of these symbolic applications. It is for the reader to discover. The poem is stronger for resisting the urge for self-explanation.

The two metaphors, ageing/death and divine wisdom, work exceedingly well together. The thoughts complement eacdh other in a profoundly reassuring meaning.

Doug Rainbow
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Review of A Golfer's Dream  
Review by Doug Rainbow
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
In "A Golfer's Dream," by Richard Vance, we have a tale of an underachieving golfer's pact with the devil and resultant superb game. But it doesn't make him happy. At the end he is restored to his below average game and has learned to be happy with it. I suppose, as signalled by the title, the whole thing was a dream.

The piece eloquently observes that golf is a spiritual game. The best pieces of golf fiction, such as "The Legend of Bagger Vance" (any relation, Richard?) use this theme to good advantage.The narrator in this contribution may not have mastered the game of golf, but he did something more important. He mastered himself.
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Review by Doug Rainbow
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This is a generally well-written piece of erotica. It examines the phenomenon of transference, which occurs when a patient begins to feel romantic attraction for a psycho-therapist. It touches on reverse transference as well, where the therapist reciprocates the feeling. Psychologists and psychiatrists are taught to recognize and channel transference into productive therapeutic channels. If that is impossible, then they are taught techniques of defusing the phenomenon. In this contribution the phenomenon goes on almost unchecked and inappropriate behavior ensues. Here the sexual tension is further enhanced by a mild taboo. The attraction crosses racial lines.
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Review by Doug Rainbow
Rated: E | (5.0)
This piece is rich with eye-opening cultural and historical detail about a part of the world I knew little about. And most of what I thought I knew seems to be wrong. Focusing on a headdress gives the author an entry point for providing a whole fabric of custom and history. This technique gives rise to a very digestable and readable lesson.

Thank you for a most enlightening contribution.

Doug Rainbow
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