I never see any writing like this, and I love it. I, myself, write similar. I love the detail and the thoughts and the feeling. I could imagine actually being there, in that cool ocean, which I suspect that that's your intention.
Hope you write more stuff and get more readers. Even if you don't always get reviews, it's good that you're putting original stuff out there.
I think that either every sentence or almost every sentence has the word 'you' in it. I'm not sure if that was intention or not, but if not, I'd reccomend trying to keep from using the word so often.
Lovely job with this, I loved the picture it painted, the motion picture of that moment in time.
Personification; love it! It's been quite some times since I've read this kind of personification and I love it.
There were a few grammatical errors, I believe, such as: '"You have a beautiful baby girl" her smiling..."
I think it should be: '"You have a beautiful baby girl," her smiling..."'
Also, something that confused me a bit was when you wrote, "Something was Wrong." I assume that Wrong is a person, but that, then, didn't make much sense to me. Was Something also a person? Maybe I just don't understand how a thing could be a personified emotion? Could just be me, but something to look into if you want to make it a little more clear for the reader.
This was certainly very interesting, and I liked the scene. However, the characters were very confusing as were the relationships. After reading it carefully a second time it was a little easier to comprehend, but maybe you should work on trying to make that a little bit more clear? Just my thoughts on it, though.
Haven't read anything quite like this and I really appreciated it. I have many questions left unanswered but I only makes me want to read more to find out, so lovely job with catching the attention.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.20 seconds at 11:35pm on Apr 25, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "