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Review Requests: ON
1,129 Public Reviews Given
1,370 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Disclaimer: I am not good at remembering to do requested reviews. Often I have busy things going on with work and my own novels, so sorry if I decline or don't remember to do a review in the short time given. Just a warning. When I review: Long. Depending on the type of story and reason for review I tend to get anywhere from 4,000 characters to on the rare occasion over 10,000. I will make overall comments, technical points and even offer sources when necessary but a lot is dependent on what I'm reviewing. I can even do a full edit but that's take a lot of niceness and time.
I'm good at...
Ummm let me ask someone and get back to you on this.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy. I read a lot of romance/erotica because of the contest I run. I'm fairly open and will read stories, poems, nonfiction, chapters, almost anything.
Least Favorite Genres
I know less about mystery, horror, some nonfiction topics, and westerns. I also don't care for vampires, sorry but just don't interest me.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Probably campfires and interactives. Maybe surveys and polls too though I can always managed to find enough to say.
I will not review...
Shrink or Growth items. I've seen references and yeah, not my type. Erotica is one thing, I can handle most with only few times leaving a story feeling scarred for life, but those two I have no interest in helping. So, unless you want me to say please stop, don't request I review that and if you do, better have it rated appropriately.
Public Reviews
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Review of Change  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #1395595 Unavailable **



Title:

Nice and simple title. The description works well along side the title.


Comments:

Wonderful. I love the message that this poem is trying to put out into the world. This is great.


Rhythm/Rhyme:

No complaints about the rhyming in this one. The lines look to be in the right format, it doesn't seem out of synch at all. They are simple rhymes but I think that works for the poem. Good word choices.


Favorite Part:

If you want change,
Not just hollow insults hurled,
You should be the change
you want to see in the world


Line-by-line and Suggestions:

Just minor suggestions.

Since you have other punctuation in this poem, might want to add a couple of periods. At least at the end of the first and third stanza.

"criticise" should be "criticize"


Great Poem
Keep Writing
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Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
** Image ID #1395595 Unavailable **



Title:

Very nice poem. It is beautiful and doesn't give away the poem. The description is good as well.


Comments:

Absolutely wonderful. It is unique, dark, and well written.


Form:

This is a great form. Sometimes doing something like moving the lines can take away from the effectiveness of the poem, but not in this case. I think it keeps the reader moving as they read from one line to the next.


Imagery:

Excellent job at imagery. Can visualize each line.


Favorite Part:

The whole poem.


Line-by-line and Suggestions:

No suggestions.



Wonderful Poem
Keep Writing
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Review of Beautiful Thief  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1395595 Unavailable **



Title:

I like this title. It is nice, simple and works well with the poem. The description is also very useful.


Comments:

This poem has a different feel to it. When using phrases directed at the reader "you" it can be tough to pull off a really good poem. The reader it going to respond differently than one that didn't point out at them. I like what this poem represents. It is interesting to me.


Imagery:

Good imagery. Can visualize the stanzas and what the words are meant to depict.


Favorite Part:

Whatever you want from this take it.
I'll turn my back if it makes it easier...
What is now in your pocket used to beat within me,
but keep it please, returns are now used merchandise...


Line-by-line and Suggestions:

These are just some suggestions to consider.


Whatever you want from this take it.
Maybe change "this" to "me". I think it would make this poem a little stronger and make the line about the object that once beat inside of you easier to understand. It would pull the poem together even more.

yes I am guilty for your actions of theivery...
"theivery..." should be "thievery..."

Policy of the broken states I am to blame,
yes I am guilty for your actions of theivery...
Maybe I"ll find myself in a box at goodwill
long after the value has faded...
This stanza doesn't connect the same way that the other ones do. The first half and second half don't come off as being about the same thing. I like both, and they each have poetic value. But it makes this part of the poem a tad bit weak.


Whatever you want from this take it.
This is a good last line, but if you change the top one then I'd suggest changing this too and having "this" become "me".



Good poem.
Keep Writing.
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Review of Need Hope  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Image ID #1395595 Unavailable **



Title:

This is a good title. It gives a message while preparing the reader for the poem.


Comments:

This poem definitely has potential. I'm not going to lie and say it's the greatest writing of all time. But it's not a bad poem either. It has good flow, some good word choices and there are some good lines. There is room for improvement and with an edit this poem could be rated even higher. The emotions are what pushes this poem and that is a nice way to write a poem.


Imagery:

The images and emotions from this poem are easy to see and understand.


Favorite Part:

Walking around emotionally crucified
While others are free to experience lifes fulfillment
Able to absorb the trust and safety love brings


Line-by-line and Suggestions:

Since you mentioned being open to suggestions for this poem, these are my ideas. You can follow whatever you feel like works for you and the poem.

Does god love us all the same
I think that "god" has to be "God" if it's a specific one then it is capitalized. Whereas generalized gods often is not.

So at night a lay awake wondering whats the point for my suffering.
Delete "So". Change "a" to "I" because I think that's what was intended. Finally, I would make it a new paragraph after the word "wondering"

Is this a test of my faith or a way to prove my love
Well love isn't proud and love does not boast
I would put these two lines into four. Make "or a way to prove my love" a new line and then get rid of the and and make "love does not boast" a new line.

Walking around emotionally crucified
This is fine, but something to consider... "an emotinal crucifix", just an idea.

While others are free to experience lifes fulfillment
one small detail, "lifes" needs to be "life's"

Is it possible that their angel gives them a sample of what heaven hold
this line is a little wordy and a tad bit confusing.

Not worthy even for a crumb of what that is like
add "mere" before crumb and take out "of what that is like"

Im getting more of a sample of what hell is like
change "of" to than, and delete "what" and "is like"

All of the "Im" needs an apostrophe, "I'm" since it is a combination of two words.

Im not gonna be standing in line leading thru the golden gates
I'd make "leading thru the golden gates" a new line. Maybe change "leading thru" to "waiting at" but that's not absolutely needed.


The last stanza is good. This poem ends well. I had a lot of suggestions because I really got into the poem and hope that this review helps.

Good job and keep writing.
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Review of How To Get Viewed  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a great idea. Very useful and a good thing for newbies and old timers alike. It is set up in an easy to read format and the pointers aside from the description is helpful.

Number 1 is very amusing. How you say that creating an item is necessary but doesn't need to be stating it by actually stating it. *giggles*

There were a couple that stood out to me.
23. images. Good advice that they shouldn't use images that belong to someone else. However, the sentence about the dragon doesn't give the impression intended. To me, it sounds like if I have a picture of a dragon (it comes off as my own) that I shouldn't use it for my own. So, maybe a small bit of clarification would help.

Although it makes a good point. When you post in number 11 not to rate based on the image and then say you rate low because of an image that is a bit of a contradiction. Even though you are warranted in that rating it does come off a bit questionable.

14 needs an update. But it is an excellent point. Reviewing is good to promote.

Last - number 18 is great advice. I think that some get so caught up in the writing and worries that they forget how great it is to have friends in this huge writing community.

Nice piece or work. Good job.
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Review of Colors of Life  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #1395595 Unavailable **



Title:

Good title. Sets up the expectations for the poem without giving too much away.


Comments:

This is a great poem. At first I didn't quite understand what "it" referenced. But once I had read through the poem once I started to comprehend. The use of colors to describe different aspects of life is very interest and the form is unique. I like this take on life. Not overly positive but also not too negative either, just how it should be.


Form:

The form for this poem is interesting and easy to follow. It is very different. Kudos for staying consistent when doing a different type of form, like this. Good job.


Imagery:

Color creates wonderful images in this poem. Each stanza has it's own color and image that it invokes. Each is different and the reader will enjoy the visualization the poem gives to them.


Favorite Part:

When it is Comfortable, it’s royal Purple,
traipsing about to it’s on vibes,
funky fresh as it wants to be.
Get the vibes, feel the colors of life.


Line-by-line and Suggestions:

I have no suggestions. Great job. Keep writing.
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Review of My WDC Goals  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a great idea. To reach your goal it helps to be able to visualize them. Having them at the site in a document like this is a very good way to do that. I hope you look at this document often, as a reminder.

This is an awesome goal and that I hope you make it.

Some contests to consider:

The Hint Fiction Contest  (ASR)
Can you tell a story with only a few words? Hint Fiction requires a silver pen.
#1253724 by Storm Machine


It is tough to write a story in 55 words, but a good challenge.

"The Writer's Cramp" 

This is a daily contest. Has some good prompts and judges.

" Wild Card Review" 

This would be good for you too. If you make it on the review list then you'll get to do a bunch of reviews. It seems fun.
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Review of Hollowness  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: E | (4.5)

Title:

I like the title but at the same time question it. There might be a stronger title that goes along with the theme of your poem. But at the same time, maybe this title works.


Favorite Sections:

The world is a product,
It is all manufactured.
People just cannot see,
That the world is fractured.


Comments:

I like the message of this poem. It has some great points. The first stanza is a good one, about the masks that people wear.

It's not a bad poem. Really.


Line-by-line and Suggestions:

“Sorry” is said to often, - too{/}

The real problem with this poem, in my mind is that it seems a tad bit wordy. Consider reading it out loud and see how it sounds. Maybe take out what you consider to be the weakest stanza and move it to a different document. Then look at the poem and see how it sounds without that one.


Rating and Reasoning:

4.5 This is a good poem and with an edit it could be great. *Bigsmile* Keep Writing.
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Review of A Moonless Night  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I've never read the Glass Coffin. However, your piece is an interesting bit of flash fiction. You have a good sense of how to describe the setting, with good word choice, without going overboard. The first paragraph is good. I like how it sets up the rest of the section of writing.

Two suggestions:

First is spacing. Although it's a small piece of writing, it would be easier on the eyes for some of your readers if you would have a single space in between paragraphs. This would give room to breathe and take it from a block of text to something more manageable.

Example:
(from your story)
“This looks quite nice,” he said. “You’ve been working hard all day. I’m glad to see you rest.”
“Thank you, Tristan.” Evelyn replied.
“I should be thanking you. If you hadn’t cleaned up after our guests, I would have had to do it. You know how fond I am of cleaning.”
Tristan laughed, and Evelyn joined in. Tristan despised cleaning and made no effort to hide it from anyone.
“It is fine, Brother. It is the least I can do after all you’ve done for me.”
(Me adding space)
“This looks quite nice,” he said. “You’ve been working hard all day. I’m glad to see you rest.”

“Thank you, Tristan.” Evelyn replied.

“I should be thanking you. If you hadn’t cleaned up after our guests, I would have had to do it. You know how fond I am of cleaning.”

Tristan laughed, and Evelyn joined in. Tristan despised cleaning and made no effort to hide it from anyone.

“It is fine, Brother. It is the least I can do after all you’ve done for me.”

See how that looks?


The other suggestion is that you have many sentences that start with the character's name, Evelyn. I would do a count and see how many you have and then take out about 1/3 of them. There are ways to work the sentence without using her name and still have the reader know who is being referenced.

Nice little adaption. Keep writing.
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Review of Winter Fires  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: E | (5.0)
That is a beautiful picture. I can see how it would inspire such a great poem. The title fits very well with it. The glowing colors of the picture are mirrored in the imagery of the poems words.

The first stanza gives a great sense of place. The reader knows where the writer is, and thus the reader is now in that place.

The second stanza adds the poetic beauty to the poem. Very nice.

One suggestion to consider. Just an idea from me but if you don't like it then no worries. I would take out the s in "fires" and make it be Winter's Fire.

Either way. This is fabulous.
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Review of Listening  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

I have to agree that it is an interesting topic and one that should be explored. It reminds me of a communication essay, like for small group or interpersonal communication. There is definite room for expansion on the topic and even more sharing on you personal attempts at dealing with communication and the technique you tried.

I like the story stick concept. That would be interesting to try. I would imagine that it would be difficult at first to hold one's tongue while the other is talking.

It seems a little ironic that the words yelled(in caps) are "be quiet".

Here is a suggestion for writing an essay or speech: (If you want to expand to make this and others a full essay.)

Try the 5 paragraph structure. (It doesn't have to be 5 paragraphs, but it's a good starting point.)
Paragraph one starts with something to grab the readers attention and then introduces the topic. The last part of the paragraph lists three main points (more or less depending).
The middle three paragraphs are those three points, with each getting it's own paragraph(or more).
The final paragraph is a retelling of the three points, in different wording, the conclusion and a closing sentence.

It's something to consider at least. You have some good topics and just keep writing, things will go up with the practice.
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Review of Dear Me  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Review connected with Sunshine's Birthday Auction.

It's interesting to see an older letter of goals for a new year. To see what you had set out to do. The letter format is good and from what I've heard, a great way to put those goals into words. Much better than just a list. The Dear Me is a great contest.

I don't have any criticism for the letter. Doesn't seem that would be necessary. Hope that the year that followed this letter went well.

I am interested in a small follow up letter on how that year went. Did you accomplish your goals? It made me wonder.

Determined is the way to go. *Wink*
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Review of WASH THE WALLS  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review connected with Sunshine's Birthday Auction.

I find your parodies very amusing. This is another christmas one and I adore it. This song has always annoyed me because in choir we sang a weird version (different rhythm for the fa-la-la's) and it gets stuck in my head. This parody reminded me of that song.

The change of the la la to blah blah and ha ha were great. It added interest to the lines as opposed to repetition.

The first line is the most interesting, I have to say. Wash the walls - never would have even thought of that. Creates a good image and starts the energy of the poem and that continues to the end.

Great Parody!
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Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Review connected with Sunshine's Birthday Auction

Title:

Straightforward title. Sometimes using a line from the poem can be too repetitive but I don't think that is a problem here. It tells what the poem is and gives sight of the narrative style from the beginning.


Form:

Simple form, not one specific that I know of and thus doesn't have the rules to follow. The lines and stanzas chosen work well for the poem.


Rhythm/Rhyme:

The rhyme works for the type of poem. Some seems a bit obvious but I think that happens in rhyming poems. It doesn't come off as sing-song though, which is good.

It doesn't quite flow as well as it could. A couple spots snagged my attention as I was reading through it the third time. They'll be explained below.


Imagery:

Good emotion. I can almost feel the hatred. That can be a tough emotion to work with and even more so if it's not an emotion you are used to feeling. That must have been an interesting contest.


Line-by-line and Suggestions:

First is the color. This might change once the website goes to white background, but for now the pink is a little difficult to read. And it's not really a color that fits the emotion of the piece. It seems like the color should be stronger, maybe even dirtier(if that makes any sense) due to the nature of the word. I think changing that would give the poem even more strength.

Stanza one is great, flows 100 percent.

Stanza two - I would suggest changing "I've" to "I" in the first line. It works with the other lines of the poem and has a little better flow to it.

Stanza three - In the first line, take out "up" (don't think direction is necessary) and maybe change "until" to "till".


Rating and Reasoning:

4.5 Good Poem.
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Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review connected with Sunshine's Birthday Auction.

This is fabulous. I loved it. Though I did think of the song while reading and it doesn't quite follow along with the song lyrically(if that is a word) speaking. But I don't think that would be necessary.

The use of color for the text adds to the poem. It's kind of a christmas red, but not the overly cheery kind. It adds to the sense of insanity from the holiday.

Even though I like the original song, I know that bells can start to drive a person nuts. This was a great example of a parody.

Wonderful poem.
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Review of QUESTIONS  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review connected with the sunshine birthday auction.

Title:

Simple and effective title. It states what the poem is about without any frill or extra description.


Form:

Simple form. Four line stanzas with the usual rhyme scheme. I think this form works for the poem because you don't want a complicated form. It adds to the poem, making the questions the focus and not the form.


Rhythm/Rhyme:

Good for the most part. Some of the rhymes are a tad bit obvious, but that's okay. Sometimes that is just how it works when writing poems that rhyme. It has decent flow and reads well.


Imagery:

The focus is on the questions, some of which are very deep. The questions invoke emotions and thought.


Overall Comments:

I like the last line. It doesn't have the flow of the rest of the poem. Instead, it is a definitive statement and I think that it makes the poem interesting. A small break to take the poem from simply questions to questions and an answers. It's a form of "the end" but worded better.

My only question would be.. why the green? Colors can be fun, but sometimes they detract from the poem instead of adding to them.


Rating and Reasoning:

4.5 Good poem. *Smile* Really close to a 5.0 *ponders a sliding scale of stars suggest* Cause then it'd be a 4.8.
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