This is such a great idea! And a great incentive to people who like reviewing or don't like reviewing. This will get us all getting out there to review!! :)
I really enjoyed this poem. It makes me think of everything that I have taken for granted because I do have it.
I have finally found myself and now I am trying to strengthen my relationship with God. Your poem is a wonderful example of one of these incidents.
The only two lines I did not like were, "Within the storms of rising winds, confusion seems to be never ending." I don't think they fit together as nicely as they could. Maybe try rhyming them like the other stanzas?
You're poem is very nice, although I think you can improve on it. It doesn't flow to well when you're reading it, either there are too many syllables or not enough.
The only line I really didn't like was "within our circle." I don't think God only loves a hand picked few, but everyone. Changing that part of the poem may be better if you see fit.
Keep up the great work, I'm sure this poem inspires many.
A very emotional poem. Well written. Man, it almost scares me. To think how if my loved one walked away from me like that. Great job.
You may want to look over some of the things I indicated,
"As I stood there and wept" - without the extra syllable this flows in the correct rhythm with the stanza.
"I always promised myself
I'd never trust a guy I'd never need to have one by my side
I guess I have lied" - restructuring this stanza with only four lines would work better just because the first two stanzas are both four lines each and I believe it will sound better this way. You don't have to use exactly how I stated it, but something to that extent?
"So now he's gone
And everyone says move on
Just go on with your life
But how can I
When my life just walked away" - Try adjusting this stanza. Just becuase it doesn't sit well with the rest of the poem. I feel some of your emotion has drained out of it and it would be very good if you could feed it that emotion again, just like your other stanzas.
My essay "An Essay On Depression" made it to the final round! Please vote for me in "Invalid Item" ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
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Writing is not only a passion, it's my passion.
-Elizebeth
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I thought the rhyme scheme was a little pushed into this one. I didn't enjoy it at all. I like the idea behind it, but I didn't like the words you chose.
For example:
"Open this letter with love,
Do not throw it away this morning,"
Those two lines didn't make very much sense to me.
Maybe go back and read it over, see if you can buff some of it out. But maybe not, because as you say in the description it was for a contest.
Very interesting. I guess for the prompt it was alright and you made a wonderful poem out of it. But personally, I didn't really enjoy it. But nonetheless I am rating you for your greatness on writing such a good poem on that prompt.
Wow. It says a lot in a short time. It climbs deep into your heart. I was stuck with every word. Great job. You deserve my 5 and I hope you got first place!
I like this poem and although it doesn't flow at some points, I enjoyed reading it.
Just one suggestios,
"That man
Can't find
In all his searching." - maybe just make this one line, because it's a powerful line and you don't want to break it up and take any of that power away from it.
I liked how you could write on a topic that so few don't like to write about. But I didn't like how the poem jumped from here to there and didn't really have a set beat. If you counted the syllables or tried to make it more easy to read, it would be better.
Wow. I'm going through a difficult time with my boyfriend right now and this is a great poem to read in this situation. I really enjoyed it. Everything flowed, felt nice, and showed emotion. Great job!
You know for the longest time when I saw the name "Loti" I thought of the dark underworld God and I thought you were a guy. Now that I see your picture, I found out that obviously that isn't true.
Thanks for clearing everything up. *bigsmiles*
-Elizebeth
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Writing is not only a passion, it's my passion.