There are a few rough areas I stumble on as I read this poem....
"as you wonder where they're taken far"
Im not quite clear on this are you saying, were they are taken for... I dont know it is awkward for a reader to understand and say aloud. It just dont mesh
Also the beguinning really causes the reader to stop... Presentation is 99% of the sale... we are not selling here but we are presenting. Here is the part Im talkiing about:
"First there is that shock of Fate
that plunged deep in their predujiced hearts"
My question is ... is it the jews that are prejudiced.. if so you have correctly written this... but I think your talking about the master race (yea right) the germans
I just think a little tweaking will greatly improve the thought your trying to convey here... However I could be wrong...
Hang in there you will get it... the Idea behind this with the recipe is quite original and one that I really find interesting!!!!
I was thinking you were a younger person... I didnt have a clue... hey I was not just a member of the clueless group but the president too.
It seems you have done your homework here. I think that I am not quite clear on this issue... I am leaning toward the pro life tho... I believe that is my stand... without going back and re reading this indepth researched work I am inclined to go with if it is a fertalized egg then it was meant to be. In the case of rape however I believe that it should be a matter for the mother to decide.
Im impressed
Thank you for the invite to your story but at this time i am busier than a june bug in a hen house
This remarkable poem reads like a narrative that shows the depths that you go to in your research and your emotions to describe the sad events that transpired.
I cannot say enough about the descriptive and event filled narrative I have had the honor to read here.
I am filled with mixed emotions from this read.
I hope to read many more of your wonderful posts here my friend
John
Sorry Franklin D. but I am not decended from an immigrant or a revolutionist...
They took our land as their own.
Left us to roam without a home.
Placed us on lands so barren and dry
We could only plant and hope to die.
I find it quite a musing that the great white man comes here and then determins hey lets decide on who else we allow to come here... the Irony is incredible to the point of a mockery others that want to be here.
The way I see it The hispanics outnumber the white man so in all due respect the white man is no longer a majority but a minority.
What generally happens when a minority is ruled by a majority... come on all you history majors... there is a revolution.
I think perhaps this is a simple case of what goes around..... comes around.
I like the attitude you display in these few word for they say so very much. We can often read between the lines to find out more about the person who penned the post.
I dont beleive our paths have crossed before, but I am glad I found your port. I will be back for the simple reason I love to read poetry. And I like to write (using the term very liberally) poems.
Keep on writing and Ill keep on reading my new friend
Your friend
John
and by the way... Welcome to WDC
I am glad we met last night in chat. I have met many here that have helped me to be who I am in this area we call writing. I hope that you too find who you are while your here and I hope you stay here as well. I have grown in more ways here than just learning spelling, some grammer, and some rules of punctuation.
There is something for everyone here my friend... We just have to look harder sometimes...
I enjoy a poem of hope and this definately fills that bill!!!
I like the style and the descriptions you have incorporated in this wonderful poem. I like the way you show how easily you fell but that there was a way to escape this dark world that you had choose to reside in... And then you were wiser for the experience!!!
To you I say Keep on writing and Ill keep on reading my dear fellow author!!!!
Your story tells so much about the author. It is within our posts that we live on. No matter how much or how little of ourselves we reaveal we still allow others to see who we are or where we have been or even what we dream.
Welcome to WDC I hope you stay and add to our community!!
The descriptions you allude to are very captivating. I can feel, see, and hear all that is going around there as you depict this story of a war many many miles away.
It must be a constant in your life to live and breathe these ghosts and the thoughts of these ghosts.
I salute you friend for the losses you have endured in the name of freedom
You said so much here. I see the writer in you peeking out to see what others may think. I personally think you did a great job of conveying so very very much as we all walk down that road to our own individual end of this physical life.
Its sad that there is some that dont really understand this and will never...
This is a very interesting concept. I enjoyed this point of view. I do believe with all of my heart we have been "visited" and this would probably be typical of the experience from the other side. I like the descriptions you have used. The only sense that I didnt use to complete this was the sense of smell. Other than that I find this extremely entertaining
Your style is duly noted by this reader and also I may add enjoyed.
I like the structure you have incorporated showing the stairs downward to the place you have us all following.
I remember my first poem and It was of a political nature. I guess our first poem comes to us at a time when there are issues that we must confront to find the peace within us. However I could be wrong....
I'm sure that as a daughter that you make him feel very special. It is a goal of us fathers to make our children feel as though they are the most wonderful and cherished things in our world
I am glad to see that there are quite a few others that write about their fathers or dads and this gives me hope.
To say so much with so few words says so very much!!!
I like the post you have here it shows the humanality behind the person... That we can be hurt even though we think we hide it so well... However I could be wrong totally.
I apologise for the timelyness of visiting your port as I have been offline for a while and I just got back.
Personally I think you did a wonderful job in this tribute to someone who we the readers can attest to.
I am grateful that you sent me the link and I hope that the Great Spirit welcomes her home to her reward as she would like to be rewarded. I thank you for the post my friend
Is it irony or infamy
that a nation
founded by those people
feeling religious intolerence and
social injustice
to convert, subvert, and violate,
dominate, and eradicate
ALL in their quest
for religious freedom
and manifest destiny?
I find some of your arguements slightly off in my perspective. This post does make one wonder about many things that you cover.
I for one wonder if while there is "oganized" religion if there will ever and end to war... for it is religion and greed that fuel the flames of war.
I have heard it said more have died in the name of their "God" than any other reason... Whether you call him God or Allah or any of the many other names that religions are based on.
Its nice to find someone that colors outside the lines... it is quite refreshing.
Bravo my fellow writer for having the intestinal fortitude to hold to your convictions and stand up for what you and I know to be the truth.
I applaud you and your efforts to be heard in this world and maybe open the eyes of others that bury their heads in the sands of greed.
The paper trail leads right back to the grand dollar bill. You know the one... The one with the subtle symbols like for instance the all seeing eye... Ever wonder what this is about or are we to busy collecting this green paper to examine what it is that it inherantly represents.
I commed you for your perserverence and I feel honored to be in your port
John
I totally concur with your thoughts here. I like the rhyming that you use... I do however think you could tighten this up a bit and make it really shine.
A poem with a message this strong really needs to make an impact. I mean it does somewhat show what is really going on, but I think and I could be wrong You could not only show but impale the reader with you message...
Again I really agree with your message And what you have said here.
Your friend
John
Welcome to WDC I will read more from your port soon my friend
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