I find it hard to describe things such as this, but you've pulled it off quite well! Although I think I'm straying from a God figure more and more, you've used such a reference well. I quite enjoyed how you gave me a bit of imagery, but gave enough food-for-thought, as well.
Overall, I'd say it's a very balanced poem. Well done.
That's overwhelmingly sad, yet completely sweet. My favorite part was definitely "Now my mind is on a mental walk". That's so very catchy!
It's hard to decipher between what your mind is telling you and what your heart is telling you, eh? And even when you do know which is which, you aren't sure which is the right one to listen to. 'tis a real bugger....
Some lovely words, you have here. I only hope you're able to figure out where to go, sir.
Teehee, can I venture to feel that this was a tiny bit Shakespeare-inspired? I can't seem to remember the exact 'life is a stage'-eque quote, though.
I completely adore the first stanza. That brought quite the image to mind! It's fun to think about the world being literally thrown into space, and then being tugged into orbit around the sun.
I believe I only found one typo- "sieze." It's actually spelled "seize." (Silly thing that breaks the 'i before e' rule, eh?)
This was definitely something I enjoyed reading. Well done.
I've pointed this out in a couple other reviews, I think, but fixing those little typos such as "saddness" (should be "sadness") can make a piece seem all the more professional. It also makes it seem as though the author actually cares about their work!
That little bit aside, this is rather... soothing. I absolutely love the rain to no end. You made it seem like such a semi-happy thing, which was quite neat. One is usually used to the rain meaning sadness/depression/etc.
I'd enjoy reading some more description... something that will put a little more of a picture in my head- something completely gorgeous. I feel like that would completely top this piece off.
You've got to love what that small emo mood strikes, eh? I want to point out my two favorite parts in this.
"Darkness fills me,
I am at its comand,"
"The darkness has left me,
I am no longer alone."
I really enjoyed the first due to the personification. Darkness can be so many things- most often bad, it seems. (Personally, I quite enjoy darkness... the realistic kind, that is.) I'd suggest fixing the small typo in "command." Little things like fixing typos can make a world of difference in bringing about a feel of professionalism.
As for the second- it was completely contradicting! "Do I contradict myself? Very well then- I contradict myself." (That's a reference from The Notebook, if you've seen it- if not, well... a professor was talking about the phrase 'leaves of grass.') I really liked those two lines.
You have to completely love the things that you can absolutely relate to.
You went straight to the point- and it had a blunt, pointed effect. The title you used even gave me an idea for something because I , at first, read it as "I am too human." And occasionally a person can feel like that, y'know? Too much emotion, too much hurt- but then you realize it's only just too much human!
One thing I'd suggest is tying in some imagery. You have a very straight point here, but it's always nice to give the mind some picture-food, too. Even a simple simile or small metaphor in this would be nice.
I think this is very cute. It's completely innocent and sweet.
You provided soothing images in my head, while wrapping it up with a small smile. The imagery you provided with your words is very nice and enjoyable. The piece as a whole made me think about those little summer romances, the little things that people do when thinking they're in love- thinking they know what love is.
One suggestion I have is to make the focus a tiny bit more on the subject that makes the narrator smile. I feel that you've focused on the unicorn imagery a tad too much, and need to bring in more characteristics of the one being described in the last line.
However, by all means, the imagery was quite soothing, and I enjoyed it.
Wow. This has quite the description- and in such few words! I've read through it three times now, haha.
Even though this does have quite the description, I can't seem to grasp quite what you're getting at. However, I think... well, what I get from it, is that you're describing both the obvious eye and what it's seeing, but also seeing through the lens of a camera.
I'm sorry if I'm completely wrong in my interpretation, but I did enjoy this piece. My favorite part was "the brain whispered what was live or film". I thought that was very neat. This was definitely something I enjoyed- even if I am completely wrong in my interpretation, haha.
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