Hello Vaughan,
Returning the favor so,
Overall: Liked this poem, jut felt there needs 2 more lines. Seemed like an abrupt ending. But still, very good.
Grammar errors/spelling: None I seen.
Favorite part: I like the working hard and sweat dripping line with providing for without any row.
Add/Edit: Your rhymes were good but just need some rhymes with more lines in 3rd stanza. These are my thoughts, so take 'em or leave them.
Overall: I really liked this poem. It's filled with many reasons for being thankful. This in return makes them feel tingly and happy inside.
Favorite lines: It starts in the heart and spreads all around,
It's what you feel inside when someone won't let you down.
Anything to change: 2 small typo's in 3rd stanza. 1st line Remove space between Thanks giving. And the 2nd line in 3rd stanza, Catch up with your family.
Hello,
Overall I liked this poem. You have drugs that grey the lines between reality and no cares. Love that's grey from pain and pleasure. (I remember those days) Both are sometimes the same.
If I was to change anything: Perhaps pressure in the 2nd line. It works ok, but sounds as though a slant rhyme. I'm sorry I don't have any advice to change.
My favorite lines are Love is for the bird and the bee. also, giving up is not trying. Good write!
I really like this poem. It flows well and tells a light-hearted view of the many things our brain holds. One of my favorite lines is the untangling of the cords and defragging the memory deposits.
I saw no grammar/punctuation errors. If there was anything to change, perhaps the 2nd last stanza. Dread and mess could be a better rhyme word. I. e. I wanted to peek inside, by golly no mess from opening my zipperhead. Or another way of rhyming with mess. Quest,stress,guess?
But as it stands, still a fine write!
Welcome to Writing.Com! May you find this place as though home.
Overall I liked your poem. This is a poignant view of death and the hereafter.
You had some rhymes and some lines that didn't, but the meaning is very clear. This person thinks that no one cares, but if something happened to them and they died. There's is no chance of them getting to go back and fix or change it. I truly hope this isn't you. But if you feel this way please talk to someone else for help.
I saw no errors in grammar/punctuation. This is the start of a good poem. If it is a cry for help, please call or talk to someone. Otherwise, keep on writing to help you get better.
I hope this helped.
Peace,
TBW
Hello M C,
Overall; I truly liked this poem. I haven't ever heard of the nonet, but it sounds challenging. I may have to attempt this myself. You have done a fine job with this form.
I didn't see any grammar or punctuation needing attention.
I don't really have a favorite part, the whole poem with its flow trickling down to one syllable is what makes the poem great.
I have no advice to improve this poem as it is fine the way it is written. Good job M C!
Hello Lynda,
Overall; I loved this delightful tale of the two dogs who were also thankful at Thanksgiving. This poodle and peekapoo duo are certainly hilarious in their antics. With an even funnier tale of your friends dog doing the same thing after stating their dog would never act in such a matter. Hilarious and somewhat good advice to learn by when dogs are in the house.
I didn't see any grammar or punctuation problems needing attention.
I see no improvements needed as this story is great and stands well by itself as you have it already.
In closing, we too have a Jack Russell Terrier, Nattie, who has treated herself to the fine dining at Thanksgiving. So I can relate very much to this great story. She is still with us, so sad to hear the dogs are gone now. But good memories keep them alive in our hearts. Thanks for sharing this piece. Great write Lynda!
Peace,
Frank
P.s. This is my first short story review. Trying to branch out from poetry and try writing my own short story soon. I'm hoping from reviewing short stories I will be better prepared to write one. Hope it helped you out? I enjoyed this very much.
Hello Kat Von,
Overall; I really liked this poem. It's sad, but has a very poignant view.
I didn't see any grammar or punctuation problems needing attention.
Improvements; I really think this would be better if it was broken up into quatrains. every four lines would help the form. Also, line 6 and 8 don't rhyme as every other line in the poem does. If you would like, I will re-read and re-rate this piece after you have made adjustments. I'm not taking off for the 4 lines, that is my personal thought. But if you would like to edit your poem for the rhyme, I would gladly do so.
Nice write Kat, I truly enjoyed this poem. Just needs a little polishing up and will be great. I hope this helps?
Hello Ashen Sunflower,
Overall: I truly love this poem. Very well written in the pantoum form.
I didn't see any errors or editing needed for grammar/punctuation.
My favorite is the 2nd stanza. It just resonates with me.
Fine write Ashen!
Hello waterlilly,
Overall: I Love this poem! Beautifully written and pardon the pun, pure poetry.
I only seen one vowel that needs changed I believe. The fifth from the last line. I think you meant to write; 'begun' Back to the place she had begun. Which also rhymes with 'run'. I have a question about the 6th line also. This is more of an opinion or option. Does 'shift their hue' sound better than 'shifter hue'?
Other than those little boo boos, no big ones seen here. Wonderful.
Favorite part: the Whole thing. It all melds together forming a tale that returns to form another day. Awesome write waterlilly!
Hello Tim,
Overall I really liked this poem. Kind of short and sweet, but still pretty good. The meter seems off just a little in places, but your rhymes are good and don't sound forced.
1st stanza first line has 7 syllables, while the 3rd line has 9 syllables. 2nd stanza first line has 9 syllables, while the 3rd line has 7 syllables. The rest of the lines and all of the 3rd stanza have 8 which seems smoother.
I didn't see any grammar/punctuation errors or anything that needs attention.
The last two lines of the first stanza kind of seemed to me as though they didn't belong with this poem. But that is my personal feeling there.
My favorite part is the 2nd stanza. It reminds me of a love poem and is certainly good advice.
A fine poem here Tim, I think it could use a little polishing up and be an outstanding poem. Keep up the good work.
Hello BEAR,
Overall, I loved this poem! You did a rocking awesome job at telling this light-hearted tale.
The 11-8 scheme works very well and is smooth helping the reader also.
The only grammar/punctuation note I have is in the 8th stanza, last line. Thought I seen an extra space between the last two words. 'I knew'. Just check it out, I'm not exactly sure so I won't be lowering the rating.
I don't really have a favorite part, the whole poem together is what makes it stand on it's own.
Excellent write, I see now why it won the contest.
Peace,
TBW
Hello Ash,
Overall I loved this poem. It's a fine mono-rhyme about lost love. The ending sounds as though the person is moving on with their life. Which is always good for the body and mind.
I didn't see any grammar or punctuation errors that need attention.
I hope these words aren't deceiving, or misleading. (sorry couldn't resist) You have a good poem written here. Fine job Ash!
Peace,
Frank
P.s. Welcome to the WdC! You are off to a great start. This was my pleasure to read, and since your new, I am re-gifting your points back to you. Lol
Regards
I like your poem you've written about your dog. I prefer rhyming poetry, but this one had me at dog.
It is written well and the reader can understand the point being made easily. Overall a great poem and fine tribute to a pet.
I didn't see anything that I would change or edit to improve this piece.
I don't really have a favorite part, as the whole poem stands together.
I hope to think Wolfie would be very happy by your kind thoughts.
Peace,
TBW
Hello Perhaps,
(sounds kinda funny) But hello, I am giving a review for this piece, Shaman's Trance.
I like the poem overall, but have this to say needs editing. I would lose the 3 periods following Relinquish. So it reads Relinquish awkwardness etc.
I usually read rhyming poems, so free verse is a little difficult for me. See what others think, but I do like this mesmerizing read.
I hope this helps you out.
Peace,
TBW
Hello ber-brag,
These are my thoughts for this poem;
Wonderful job on this poem! The lines rhythm are spot on.
The rhymes are fine and don't sound forced or slanted.
Nice read from beginning to end.
If there was anything to change- possibly the last line of the 2nd stanza.
To change the words 'in' and 'panic' around so the line reads as follow.
That brings panic in to our minds. See what others think or say it out loud.
Do what you see fit.
Overall:
This is a great poem about the lucky/unlucky number of 13. Fine write!
Peace,
TBW
Hello Adamouadam,
I really liked this love poem from beginning to end. It flows fairly easily and rhymes are good. My favorite part was the 2nd stanza that truly shows how much you are in love with this particular girl.
If I had to change anything might be to add a word between; Loving, devoid... in the last stanza. These are just my thoughts. You can change this if you want or keep it the same.
Good write.
Peace,
TBW
Hello Anne Joseph,
I liked this poem overall. I usually don't respond to free verse poems, but seeing the title I knew I must read.
I too have had little notes about nothing coming through the head down the arm to the pen on paper. But alas! You have written something, and it is a fine job. I don't really have a favorite part, because all of it together makes it work.
Keep on writing, and welcome to the Wdc!
Peace,
TBW
Hello Barnaby,
These are my thoughts for this poem:
I felt the meter was off a little, but rhymes were good. Overall a fine poem about one of my favorite seasons. (except for my allergies) I liked your use of words- Acorns are "cone shaped provisions". Also, insects are "winged frog food". Good choice of words to bring your poem together!
I didn't see any grammar/ punctuation problems.
I hope this helps and hope you're enjoying your time here.
Great job Barnaby!
Hello Keaton,
Wow, what a poem! Maybe that's the only way to get fiber! Lol That's what separates us from the primates, a palette. What's good and what tastes like crap. Seriously though, A very profound way of telling a true story with your skills as a writer could make this come to fruition. Overall I liked this poem. Near the end, just a typo, the 'C' and 'H' in Christ need turned around. No other grammar or punctuation problems I saw. Personally though, in reference to God, 'him' and 'his' should read 'Him' and His'.
Great job Kevin and here's your quick Amen! Lol
Write On!
TBW
Hello Margaret,
I love the imagery you've used with these "Silent Stones" as tombstones.
I don't often read non-rhyming poems.But this was written very well.
I liked this poem overall and wouldn't change a thing.
TBW
Hello Tim,
I liked your poem about music. The first stanza sounded good, then the next 3 stanzas were all shorter.
I could get used to the "beat" of the poem easier. I wish the first stanza was either shorter and flowed better as the latter 3 stanzas did. Or adding to the latter 3 to make it more comparable to the first lines.
These are my thoughts on this piece. You can change it if you want, it's yours to do so with.
On a lighter note, it spoke well of how the different kinds of music may suit ones own activity at the time.
I like nearly all kinds of music, if I'm in the mood! lol Today's country sounds more like glorified pop to me.
I like older stuff, 60's and 70's mostly. To each his own, but music can cross so many boundaries!
Again, these are my thoughts, but you still did a good job Tim.
Hello PaulZ,
I like the way you've written this piece. My favorite part is the 4th stanza, And I feel alone...
I like your rhymes and meter in 6-5, except my favorite part, the 4th stanza. But this doesn't
deter from the poem.
If I were to have you change anything, it may be the word grope in last stanza.
But it does work as is. Remember it's your work, you change it if You want to.
Hello Susan,
This piece is also set to a song, hence the lyrics label. But it is also written well. I like verse 4 and the end the most!
It is a somber piece but fills the heart with ease as the words relay to look to the future while learning from history.
Having trouble with our computer, pc. But this laptop is helping me finally return to review your two other items.
This is a light-hearted rhyme that easily makes the reader want to carry a tune while enjoying the words.
At first I thought the ;ast stanza was a little off on the rhyme. After reading a second time, it fits fine.
Well done, and well written.
Frank
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