Thank you for sharing this, it's very powerful. And thank you for the definitions of the technical terms, I know this was written for a nursing publication but here in the lay person's world those were really valuable.
I'm glad that you know the kind of difference you can make as a nurse, and you express that very nicely here. My father spent the last two weeks of his life in Hospice and the nurses there were a Godsend, not just to my dad but to all of us. You do wonderful work, thank you for sharing your perspective on one experience and for encouraging other nurses to know their patients and families.
I wanted to read this since my late father was also a WWII veteran, and I'm glad I did. I like the picture you draw of the old man sitting, nursing his aches and watching the world around him and the "younger folks" enojying the freedoms her fought to protect. I also like that you introduced that idea in the first two stanzas, then returned to it in the final stanza with the thought that it was all worthwhile to him, that he'd "do it all again."
There were a couple points that interrupted the flow of reading for me. The first line of the thrid stanza just feels awkward to me, I'm not sure I have any ideas on how I'd change it, and it may just be me. That and two minor grammmar things: "freedom's cause" should have the apostrophe, and I would hyphentate "Rhuemy-eyed" are the only things that took me out of the story at all. And referring to "rhuemy-eyed" that is a terrific descriptive!
Overall, really well done and an ejoyable read, especially for those of us with ties to someone in this situation. Thanks for sharing.
I have to admit I don't read a lot of stream of consciousness, but I enjoyed this. I liked the descriptions and there were some nifty turns of phrase - like that Earl is a "gentlefish", that made me smile. I also liked how you created the interruption to their happy world, then showed how they found one another again and moved on into their new world. It was a nice progression.
I didn't spend a lot of time reviewing for grammar/word use/etc because I know that in stream of consciousness there are often intentional breaks in those things. Overall a lot of fun - nicely done!
Hello,
I just wanted to say I enjoyed your story. I liked how you conveyed that this conversation between the long-time friends was more the ability to sit in comfortable silence. The flow of their thoughts worked well and I liked your descriptives. The only grammatical question I have is with the phrase "a constant suffered look" in the second paragraph. It feels a bit awkward to me, but that might just be that I've never heard it put like that. Overall I thought this was quite well done. Thanks for posting it.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ginebral
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.22 seconds at 1:28pm on May 02, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
