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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/green_eagle
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6 Public Reviews Given
6 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Yaz Khoury
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
I really like the recurring theme in this short story, which shows how even perfection is a lie. Reminded me of many golden couples I knew back in high school and college who are now never together because of some sort of abuse. Your characters are great, but I feel that Carla's character lacks a bit of humanity. Her feelings aren't that strong. You don't know her thoughts that well. It seems that even though she hated Carla and loved Ty, her conclusion on going opposite ways has already occurred in the short story. It seems more of an observation made by the narrator than a short story. Perhaps it could be perfected by a longer conversation between Jenny and Carla. Jenny sharing something that would shock Carla.
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Review of Next Empty Seat  
Review by Yaz Khoury
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I've completely enjoyed your short story. I love how you look at the simple things around you as you go on your everyday routine to reflect back on yourself. It kind of reminds me of my writing style. Old Man Halley seems like the quiet yet optimistic character. He shows up everyday to the bus stop to read, yet in his head, he is definitely reminiscing on the great times he had with his friends. It kind of reminds you that life is in fact short, that you should grasp it by arm and take it for a dance while you can. I saw that clearly in the lovely ending you've concluded your story with, where the protagonist leaves the bus to breathe in the fresh air of life. I thank you for writing such a nice short story.
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Review of Date Night  
Review by Yaz Khoury
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is great! I really enjoyed your rush to making things perfect for whoever is at the door while having a disaster stirring up in your apartment. Simple and engaging :)
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Review by Yaz Khoury
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
I loved it, I really did. The mixture of your thoughts as poetry with your narratives of the boy you loved are heartwarming. When he was gone, I felt sad as well, wondering what was rushing through your mind as I read on. I loved your final conclusion. But, what I would want to add is that, the action of him taking the swing from that oaf to protect you happens too soon and sudden. I didn't expect it right away, perhaps I was hoping that the action would build up towards. Perhaps you were going for a sudden action rather than building up to it, but since it's about the boy and how he dies, I feel that maybe it shouldn't be so sudden that he took the hit for you. Perhaps if you elaborated on that oaf who was calling you names first and why she was in the first place and then how he stepped in to save you from that punch, readers could get a better feel of the environment you were in while being in love with that boy. Great read nevertheless.
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